Could you date someone who doesn't read?

[StephenKingman]

I actually did date someone who had NEVER read a book, and now he reads all the time. Granted, he reads a completely different genre than I do so we still don't really discuss books, but it's nice that he does read now. I have a hard time with people telling me I need a hobby... Isn't that what reading is???

I agree, it still doesnt seem socially acceptable to say "I spent the weekend reading", almost as if its a frowned upon solitary hobby. To some people, a hobby is not a hobby unless you are spending time with other people. I work with people who happpily read but usually say "only for a while before heading out" or "only at bedtime", sad that its still a slightly geeky or stigmatised hobby.

[Ant]

I think you are right, when people ask me what I did at the weekend and I say reading, they look at me as if I have just landed from another planet, and sadly, the younger the person asking...the stranger the look. This minority of regular book readers worldwide is dwindling.

[StephenKingman]

I think you are right, when people ask me what I did at the weekend and I say reading, they look at me as if I have just landed from another planet, and sadly, the younger the person asking...the stranger the look. This minority of regular book readers worldwide is dwindling.

Or even for some people it has become an underground thing where they read a lot but keep it under wraps, all goes back to people needing to be with others for a hobby to be validated. Sad and hopefully such thinking will be redundant when Kindles etc are seen and accepted more..

[Tralala]

I've got a t-shirt that says "Speak freely. Write candidly. Read endlessly." People always read it 'cause I've been known to wear some odd shirts ("I want to spoon you like Richard Ramirez","Support local music. Sleep with a musician.","I'll do all the things your boyfriend won't", etc.) and I always get That Look. No funny looks over the Richard Ramirez one (which kinda scares me, actually), but that one....it's like "okay, weirdo".
People are strange...

[ericafaye]

I think it may be because people are SO connected these days, why would they spend time doing something without human interaction? I also seem to get the impression that people think I had no other options other than reading.

[SaKazee]

I love to read, and read on average a book a week. My boyfriend of over a year however hasn't picked up a book since he was in high school, and something tells me that even then he probably used Cliff Notes. It isn't that he is unintelligent, he is utterly brilliant when it comes to math, and is probably the most skilled person I know, he just doesn't like reading. If I am reading a book and I am really into it he will listen to me when I summerize the entire thing for him and if it is one I borrowed from the library he will usually surprise me by buying it for me. If a book or series I really loved is made into a movie he always offers to take me to see (for instance he is taking me to see The Hunger Games in March) and when he saw "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" with me he loved it. Its not that he doesnt like the stories he just doesn't find reading as wonderful as I do, but he involves himself as best he can and our relationship works fine that way.

[Maud Fitch]

This thread has been going on forever and I don't think I have commented on it (too lazy to check) but I have to say that even though I'm a reader, I never dreamed of saying to someone "Do you read?" as if it was a first-date prerequisite. It's something which comes into the conversation over time and I think if the person is a keeper, it doesn't really matter one way or the other.

[Bighuey]

Thats what I think, too. Whether your partner reads or not is not the most important thing in a relationship.

[Wintermute]

Of course I could. People have different interests and hobbies. That's not to say they wouldn't score bonus points for being an avid reader.

[Mrs_Britt]

Yes, my Husband does not read at all unless its a Gun Mag. or a Document He has to fill out, which i end up doing anyway. However i did date in the past someone who loved to read and it would always be me telling him to hurry up and finish because we needed to talk about it.

[pollypepp]

Definetly and hope for the best! When my husband met me I wasn't a reader, now not only am I a reader but I'm posting book requests on this form!!

[Purple Rose]

No. I would be too contemptuous of someone who doesn't read. If all he read were books by John Grisham and Sidney Sheldon (ok, maybe not Sidney Sheldon) and Dan Brown, it's fine. As long as he reads. I can't even be friend with women who don't read - they strike me as too uninterested, lacking in curiosity and therefore uninteresting people. Maybe I'm being too harsh but that has been my personal experience about people who do not read, men and women.

[Fran]

No. I would be too contemptuous of someone who doesn't read. If all he read were books by John Grisham and Sidney Sheldon (ok, maybe not Sidney Sheldon) and Dan Brown, it's fine. As long as he reads. I can't even be friend with women who don't read - they strike me as too uninterested, lacking in curiosity and therefore uninteresting people. Maybe I'm being too harsh but that has been my personal experience about people who do not read, men and women.

Good Lord I find your post extraordinary, you are excluding a huge proportion of the human race there. In fact a reader who is contemptuous of someone who doesn't read would definitely be off my party list!
Ah well to each their own but in all sincerity life is way too short to waste it being contemptuous of anyone

[Purple Rose]

Exactly, to each his own. I totally respect your views Fran, but at 50, and once upon a time a very extroverted person, I find I have become very selective about the company I keep. I agree contempt is indeed harsh but I simply cannot understand the lack of interest and tend to write them off. This is not about people who don't have time. It is about people who just don't read or don't like to read, period.

I do believe life is fair and that others may be equally contemptuous of me and write me off but that's just the way it is. I personally know a lot of people who are like me, and though they may not use the word "contempt" they certainly wouldn't bother spending too much time with non-readers.

ETA: I run a small hotel in Asia. Even my gardener and housekeeping staff read. Mainly local literature (some excellent books) and translations of Western best-sellers. For them, it opens their world. I didn't care whether or not they read when I hired them because their literacy level has no bearing on their performance. However, in friendship, for me, it is very different. I have found too many non-readers to also be insular.

Thanks again Fran, and yes, best to strike me off your party list.

[dindindin]

Honestly, I'm still amazed that almost all of the responses have been overwhelmingly in the I don't think I could date a non-reader camp. I certainly have never met all of these passionate male readers myself, and I don't know where the ladies find them in abundance. Dating a non-reader has never put a damper on my reading habit though, so I don't think it's that big of a deal. I would love to have bookish conversations with a boyfriend, like I do with my handful of reader friends, and I've always envisioned being together, while just sitting and reading, in our picturesque little library with lots of mahogany and leather bound books or in bed or something, as my holy grail of wonderfulness. But while that would delight me in someone, so do so many other things. So I've always thought it would be amazing to be with someone who loved reading like I do (along with the rest of the package), but I've never even considered it as a dealbreaker or requirement until this forum.

Good for you. I think your absolutely right. I'm 66 years old. I've never had a relationship with a woman that was even
vaguely supported by intellect. Mine or hers. I'm intelligent and love learning. I rarely meet women or men who are.
But its never been the basis for friendship and certainly not love. A "non-reader"? So that's what my friend Bonnie is.
And I thought she was just someone I could tell a dirty joke to or teach me the two step. Wait til she finds out.