Review by Jcorbett17 -- Dying Well by Susan Ducharme Hoben
Posted: 30 Jul 2020, 09:35
[Following is a volunteer review of "Dying Well" by Susan Ducharme Hoben.]
In Dying Well: Our Journey of Love and Loss, author Susan Ducharme Hoben shares the story of her husband’s final months. The book begins with Hoben’s husband, Bruce, receiving an unexpected diagnosis of esophageal cancer. Hoben then narrates Bruce’s journey through the treatment process, weaving together her own thoughts and feelings, Bruce’s experiences, and the reactions of family, friends, and colleagues. When Bruce learns that he has three to six months to live—with a chance of extending his life with additional treatment—he makes the extraordinary decision to reject treatment and live out the rest of his life without the encumbrance of chemotherapy or doctor’s appointments.
Following Bruce’s decision, Hoben and Bruce plan to make the most of Bruce’s remaining days. Their efforts are met with great success. In a charming and bittersweet tale that is part love story, part biography, and part family drama, Hoben recounts the family vacations, intimate gatherings, and visits with friends and relatives that filled the end of Bruce’s life. All throughout, Hoben is disarmingly open about her own feelings, and does not shy away from making herself a strong central figure in the story of her husband’s passing. The book winds down with Bruce’s last days in hospice and his memorial service. By the end, it is hard not to feel personally impacted as Hoben describes herself and her family members grieving his death.
Dying Well is an engaging read that unflinchingly navigates the uncomfortable subject of untimely death. The book is neither depressing nor unduly morbid, but a refreshingly honest look at how to live when somebody you love is dying. Hoben fearlessly brings the reader into her life to share her unique perspectives on death, life, and family, and she does it with prose that is at once accessible and sophisticated. Although this book would be of special interest to people losing a loved one, and to medical professionals who provide end-of-life care, this book is really for everyone. Everyone dies, and most of us will have to deal with the death of a loved one. Hoben’s book gently urges us to prepare for these events and shows us how much better they can go if we do.
For the above reasons, I give this book 4 out of 4 stars. The only criticism I have is that Hoben’s family has more resources than many, and Hoben is not always sufficiently self-aware of this fact when she dispenses advice. While it is understandable that her story is personal, and her family’s wealth is an inseparable part of her reality, she does not always acknowledge how much that wealth contributed to Bruce’s unusually fortunate end-of-life experience. It would have been nice to see a little space devoted to how people with less money and social standing might still engage in better end-of-life planning and decisionmaking, or a more explicit admission that people in different situations may simply not be able to have an experience like hers and Bruce’s.
Despite these limitations, I think Hoben’s story is important. In a culture that too often leaves discussions of death in the shadows, books like Dying Well provide a necessary glimpse into a fundamental reality that we all face. Hoben’s basic message—that we would all do well to consider our end-of-life wishes in advance—is a good message that ought to resonate with nearly everyone.
******
Dying Well
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon | on iTunes
In Dying Well: Our Journey of Love and Loss, author Susan Ducharme Hoben shares the story of her husband’s final months. The book begins with Hoben’s husband, Bruce, receiving an unexpected diagnosis of esophageal cancer. Hoben then narrates Bruce’s journey through the treatment process, weaving together her own thoughts and feelings, Bruce’s experiences, and the reactions of family, friends, and colleagues. When Bruce learns that he has three to six months to live—with a chance of extending his life with additional treatment—he makes the extraordinary decision to reject treatment and live out the rest of his life without the encumbrance of chemotherapy or doctor’s appointments.
Following Bruce’s decision, Hoben and Bruce plan to make the most of Bruce’s remaining days. Their efforts are met with great success. In a charming and bittersweet tale that is part love story, part biography, and part family drama, Hoben recounts the family vacations, intimate gatherings, and visits with friends and relatives that filled the end of Bruce’s life. All throughout, Hoben is disarmingly open about her own feelings, and does not shy away from making herself a strong central figure in the story of her husband’s passing. The book winds down with Bruce’s last days in hospice and his memorial service. By the end, it is hard not to feel personally impacted as Hoben describes herself and her family members grieving his death.
Dying Well is an engaging read that unflinchingly navigates the uncomfortable subject of untimely death. The book is neither depressing nor unduly morbid, but a refreshingly honest look at how to live when somebody you love is dying. Hoben fearlessly brings the reader into her life to share her unique perspectives on death, life, and family, and she does it with prose that is at once accessible and sophisticated. Although this book would be of special interest to people losing a loved one, and to medical professionals who provide end-of-life care, this book is really for everyone. Everyone dies, and most of us will have to deal with the death of a loved one. Hoben’s book gently urges us to prepare for these events and shows us how much better they can go if we do.
For the above reasons, I give this book 4 out of 4 stars. The only criticism I have is that Hoben’s family has more resources than many, and Hoben is not always sufficiently self-aware of this fact when she dispenses advice. While it is understandable that her story is personal, and her family’s wealth is an inseparable part of her reality, she does not always acknowledge how much that wealth contributed to Bruce’s unusually fortunate end-of-life experience. It would have been nice to see a little space devoted to how people with less money and social standing might still engage in better end-of-life planning and decisionmaking, or a more explicit admission that people in different situations may simply not be able to have an experience like hers and Bruce’s.
Despite these limitations, I think Hoben’s story is important. In a culture that too often leaves discussions of death in the shadows, books like Dying Well provide a necessary glimpse into a fundamental reality that we all face. Hoben’s basic message—that we would all do well to consider our end-of-life wishes in advance—is a good message that ought to resonate with nearly everyone.
******
Dying Well
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon | on iTunes