Review by Pinkrose353 -- Crumbling Walls by Laura Strandt
Posted: 14 Sep 2016, 22:40
[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Crumbling Walls" by Laura Strandt.]
3 out of 4 stars
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Crumbling Walls by Laura Strandt is the first fiction book in The Jack and Emily series. It is self-published by Orange Publishing and aimed toward young adults. It is the story of a teenage romance, where the boy's persistent interest and care breaks down the walls that the girl build around herself to hide the abuses inflicted on her in her past.
Fifteen-year-old Jack has newly moved to Cavendish, PA, with his parents and five brothers during summer vacation. As he bicycles through his new neighborhood, he sees a girl sitting on her front porch every few days. To his disappointment, she totally ignores him. After about two weeks of this, he decides to fake a flat front tire to get her attention and tumbles over the small picket fence into her front yard. She looks up, stands up, drops the paper she was reading, stares at him, but doesn't come close or even say a word. Jack mumbles an apology and bikes off embarrassed.
The next day, despite a conscious decision to choose a new bike route, he ends up on her street again, and is rewarded by her looking at him and even introducing herself to him during their humorous first sentences exchanged. He learns that she is in summer school, struggles with algebra, and works as a dishwasher and busgirl at a local Chinese restaurant. He offers to help her with her algebra studies, and thus begins the gradual development of a friendship between Jack and Emily.
By the time school starts, Jack and Emily are comfortable with one another, but there are still times when Jack feels Emily's walls up. She never talks about her family, and excuses her mother's constant absence by her mother's crazy work schedule as a nurse. She also never invites him into her home.
The first day of school Emily, Jack, and Jack's oldest brother Tim, walk to their high school together. During their walk, Emily finds out that she is in the same advanced art class with Tim.
At the lockers, Jack meets Dexter for the first time. Dexter stands out with his green spiked hairstyle, his pierced eyebrow and his vulgar language. To Jack's surprise Emily is friends with the unusual Dexter. In time, Jack and Tim also become friends with Dexter, and he becomes a frequent visitor to their home.
Emily and Tim's mutual art projects homework become the cause for Emily to visit Jack's family. She becomes comfortable with the family, until she meets Jack's father Will. Will happens to resemble someone from Emily's past, who was the cause of her nightmarish life. Seeing Jack's father, reawakens the nightmares and causes Emily many sleepless nights.The story escalates to the monster of her past finding her again.
This is a sweet and dramatic story for young adults that will hold your interest throughout the book. Unfortunately it includes sex between Jack and Emily, and, at times, vulgar language.
Another gripe I have with this book is the awkward way in which dialogue is written--in the early chapters especially. The author tries to avoid the "he said...she said" tags and comes up with weird solutions. Here are a few examples:
1. After the ice cream, "When do you have to be home?"
(Why not say: When they were finished with the ice cream he asked..)
2. Finally standing, "Definitely tomorrow and definitely one."
(Why not say: He finally stood up to leave and said, "Okay, see you at one tomorrow.")
3. Letting the subject of curfews drop, "Why?"
(Why not say: "Why do you want to go to the park now?")
4. Jack couldn't help but laugh himself, "Enjoying?"
(Why not say: "Looks like you're having fun")
5. " Do you mind that I do?" With a shake of her head, "No."
(Why not say: She shook her head.)
6. While they were eating their way through their lunch, "Um, Jack?"
"Yeah," as a noodle hung from his chin.
(Why not say: While they were eating their lunch, Emily asked, "Hey Jack, why didn't you come down while Tim and I were working?"
Who cares about the noodle anyway).
This writer seems to have a phobia of using personal pronouns in conversations. Sometimes it's so bad that one doesn't even know who said it. I'd rather read, "he said, she said" in a book, than the convoluted way some authors try to avoid the word "said" and come up with all kinds of synonyms that distract from the dialogue and draw attention to the synonyms.
The same awkward writing style is not only in dialogues, but also in the narrative, for example:
"Movies watched and popcorn consumed, they found themselves back on her porch...."
"Answering with a smile, she caused him to completely miss his mouth with the next pass of his cone."
The author could also improve her writing by better descriptions of people and places. The only people description I remember is that Emily had green eyes, and that Jack's father had a mustache and longer hair. Only in the second half of the book, we learn that the story takes place in Cavendish, Pennsylvania, and we never learn where Emily came from, and how she ended up in Cavendish.
Another unusual part of the book is that instead of indenting a new paragraph, this writer leaves a complete line empty, even during direct dialogue. I have never seen this done in any other fiction book.
Although this is a lovely and gripping story, I can give the author only 3 out of 4 stars, because of the writing and formatting style. I wish her well in her future writing ventures.
******
Crumbling Walls
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Like Pinkrose353's review? Post a comment saying so!
3 out of 4 stars
Share This Review
Crumbling Walls by Laura Strandt is the first fiction book in The Jack and Emily series. It is self-published by Orange Publishing and aimed toward young adults. It is the story of a teenage romance, where the boy's persistent interest and care breaks down the walls that the girl build around herself to hide the abuses inflicted on her in her past.
Fifteen-year-old Jack has newly moved to Cavendish, PA, with his parents and five brothers during summer vacation. As he bicycles through his new neighborhood, he sees a girl sitting on her front porch every few days. To his disappointment, she totally ignores him. After about two weeks of this, he decides to fake a flat front tire to get her attention and tumbles over the small picket fence into her front yard. She looks up, stands up, drops the paper she was reading, stares at him, but doesn't come close or even say a word. Jack mumbles an apology and bikes off embarrassed.
The next day, despite a conscious decision to choose a new bike route, he ends up on her street again, and is rewarded by her looking at him and even introducing herself to him during their humorous first sentences exchanged. He learns that she is in summer school, struggles with algebra, and works as a dishwasher and busgirl at a local Chinese restaurant. He offers to help her with her algebra studies, and thus begins the gradual development of a friendship between Jack and Emily.
By the time school starts, Jack and Emily are comfortable with one another, but there are still times when Jack feels Emily's walls up. She never talks about her family, and excuses her mother's constant absence by her mother's crazy work schedule as a nurse. She also never invites him into her home.
The first day of school Emily, Jack, and Jack's oldest brother Tim, walk to their high school together. During their walk, Emily finds out that she is in the same advanced art class with Tim.
At the lockers, Jack meets Dexter for the first time. Dexter stands out with his green spiked hairstyle, his pierced eyebrow and his vulgar language. To Jack's surprise Emily is friends with the unusual Dexter. In time, Jack and Tim also become friends with Dexter, and he becomes a frequent visitor to their home.
Emily and Tim's mutual art projects homework become the cause for Emily to visit Jack's family. She becomes comfortable with the family, until she meets Jack's father Will. Will happens to resemble someone from Emily's past, who was the cause of her nightmarish life. Seeing Jack's father, reawakens the nightmares and causes Emily many sleepless nights.The story escalates to the monster of her past finding her again.
This is a sweet and dramatic story for young adults that will hold your interest throughout the book. Unfortunately it includes sex between Jack and Emily, and, at times, vulgar language.
Another gripe I have with this book is the awkward way in which dialogue is written--in the early chapters especially. The author tries to avoid the "he said...she said" tags and comes up with weird solutions. Here are a few examples:
1. After the ice cream, "When do you have to be home?"
(Why not say: When they were finished with the ice cream he asked..)
2. Finally standing, "Definitely tomorrow and definitely one."
(Why not say: He finally stood up to leave and said, "Okay, see you at one tomorrow.")
3. Letting the subject of curfews drop, "Why?"
(Why not say: "Why do you want to go to the park now?")
4. Jack couldn't help but laugh himself, "Enjoying?"
(Why not say: "Looks like you're having fun")
5. " Do you mind that I do?" With a shake of her head, "No."
(Why not say: She shook her head.)
6. While they were eating their way through their lunch, "Um, Jack?"
"Yeah," as a noodle hung from his chin.
(Why not say: While they were eating their lunch, Emily asked, "Hey Jack, why didn't you come down while Tim and I were working?"
Who cares about the noodle anyway).
This writer seems to have a phobia of using personal pronouns in conversations. Sometimes it's so bad that one doesn't even know who said it. I'd rather read, "he said, she said" in a book, than the convoluted way some authors try to avoid the word "said" and come up with all kinds of synonyms that distract from the dialogue and draw attention to the synonyms.
The same awkward writing style is not only in dialogues, but also in the narrative, for example:
"Movies watched and popcorn consumed, they found themselves back on her porch...."
"Answering with a smile, she caused him to completely miss his mouth with the next pass of his cone."
The author could also improve her writing by better descriptions of people and places. The only people description I remember is that Emily had green eyes, and that Jack's father had a mustache and longer hair. Only in the second half of the book, we learn that the story takes place in Cavendish, Pennsylvania, and we never learn where Emily came from, and how she ended up in Cavendish.
Another unusual part of the book is that instead of indenting a new paragraph, this writer leaves a complete line empty, even during direct dialogue. I have never seen this done in any other fiction book.
Although this is a lovely and gripping story, I can give the author only 3 out of 4 stars, because of the writing and formatting style. I wish her well in her future writing ventures.
******
Crumbling Walls
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Like Pinkrose353's review? Post a comment saying so!