What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

[slori0488]

The protagonist in Ironbark Hill is sixteen-year-old Natalie Chapman. She has to cope with verbal, physical and psychological abuse from an alcoholic stepfather. Her answer is fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art.

What is your view on the matter? Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation? Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences? Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?

Natalie fighting back and finding refuge in her art is certainly one way to respond and cope with her abuse. There is also seeing a professional therapist, journaling, support groups, and hypnotism. I think the mother and other adults in the family hold some responsibility. No one seems to be protecting Natalie, especially the mother.

It might be difficult to write about abuse and make it believable if you have never been exposed to it; either as a victim yourself or close to a victim. It would be important to spend time with abuse victims, to speak with social workers and police officers that work with abuse children, to speak with doctors and nurses, family members of victims and teachers. Anyone that has a close relationship with abuse victims that could offer valuable information to make the author's story feel believable would be great to talk to.

[sicid]

1. find new relationships with people who give us the things we didn’t get from our damaged parents
2. attach ourselves to people who remind us those who hurt us and fix them as a way of vicariously repairing our damaged parents
3. change our parents so they will finally give us what we needed when we were young

[AnitaM]

I think it varies for different people. Generally though, finding an emotional outlet is important. Whether that is through talking to someone (a counselor, or friend etc), or things like exercise, music, writing, or art. Whatever works for each individual. I think it is also important to find ways to build confidence and develop strategies to avoid future potentially abusive situations.

[cristy_fetalino0623]

The best way to overcome both abuse and trauma is to make yourself busy, doing good things, love and care of our family. If you're are a Christian believers first thing to do is talk to God and ask Him to help you to overcome it.

[Emmanae]

I don’t think there is a ‘best’ way, as all abusers are different in some way, and you have to make sure that however you are fighting you’re doing it safely. I was physically and emotionally abused my whole childhood, I’ve found solitary things to be the best for me. Running, reading, working on jigsaw puzzles, gaming.

[Cristina Chifane]

When it comes to abuse and traumatic experiences it varies person to person how that will impact their lives and everyone deals with the experience differently. Art is a very common outlet to express and work through emotional and mental traumas. I've found that a lot of artists are wounded/ misunderstood/ have a rough past. Its hard for everyone to write about abuse, especially if someone has experienced it first hand. It is a very important issue that needs to be addressed and every survivor has a different story, experience, and perspective that helped them through it. Sometimes you can be part of the same experience and not have the same feelings or reactions regarding it. The mind and emotions are quite difficult when it comes to abuse and coping.

I've been wondering lately if the artistic sublimation of pain is nothing but a desperate remedy to a traumatic experience. Is it the writer's or painter's cry for help when nothing else worked?

[Cristina Chifane]

The best way is with professional counseling intervention. Victims need a lot of patience and empathy as they often feel that they are responsible for causing the abuse. They have low self esteem and need to learn how to value themselves.

I remember Natalie asking her grandfather what could be the cause of Alex's hatred for her. He tells her Alex hated her simply because she was Jonnny Chapman's daughter and Irma loved Johnny. I agree with you. It is very difficult to understand why abusers act the way they do without prior knowledge about them. However, this does not mean there is any justification for the abuse.

[Cristina Chifane]

The best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to find an outlet for your emotions. Whether that's talking to someone, doing something physical, creative, finding solace in religion, or a combination of all these things. It's important to not hold these bad feelings in. I definitely agree that a writer needs to have experienced something for themselves, or talked with someone who has dealt with abuse or something traumatic otherwise it can come across as ingenuine and be offensive to someone who has experienced abuse.

Good point. This is such a delicate issue and should be treated as such. Once I met somebody who was passing through a very traumatic experience and felt an overwhelming need to cry. Unfortunately, the person in question could simply not cry. Tears came much later in a very inappropriate moment. I wrote this because I was thinking of what you said about not holding your pain inside.

[Cristina Chifane]

Time and ones own personal growth are the only real cures for emotional and/or physical abuses in life. The way the author uses Natalie's art to keep her mind off of her abuse is one good idea. I feel that the whole family is at fault when an abuser is getting away with something. Other family members should step up and interfere, if at all possible, or at the very least let outside family know what is happening. In severe cases, let authorities know. Many times it would be difficult to write about this subject if one had not experienced it, but just like any other subject a writer had not experienced himself, he could research. There have been many things written on various abuses and with the internet, one could find much information to assist.

Do you remember Natalie in the novel? What happens when Alex falls in the river? In the flash of a few seconds, she relives everything he has done to her and her family. Physical wounds heal, but emotional ones leave deep scars behind. I sincerely hope time heals all wounds although I have my doubts.

[Cristina Chifane]

Dealing with the trauma from abuse is complex and a different experience for everyone. Counseling and talking it out helps a lot but everyone must take their own path.

I think you're right. In the end, you have to find the strength inside.

[kabuga]

I personally think that the best way to overcome abuse and trauma is being brave and the face reality and if it becomes to much report to the nearest authorities because its-not cool to run from school.

[kabuga]

I personally think that the best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to be brave and face reality most of the time we are abused because we fear.If its too much report to the nearest authorities.

[Cristina Chifane]

Natalie seeking solace in the form of art is definitely a very effective way to mitigate abuse and trauma. It is a known fact that art has a therapeutic effect on the mind. Her mother is a rather weak and vulnerable person who is in an abusive situation, Natalie therefore, has no other choice but to assume the responsibility of her mother. There are many effective ways to respond to abuse. Some of these are exercise, hard work, removing oneself from the abuse and surrounding oneself with genuine family and friends. Authors are very imaginative and creative persons, therefore it should not be difficult for them to describe an abusive situation, especially if they have such experience.

You sound like a very positive and determined person. Abused people may find comfort in the presence of solar, optimistic persons like you. Thank you for your comments.

[Cristina Chifane]

Her father is definitely responsible, but so is her mother. Why stay with a man like that and cause your child that trauma. There is always a way out and there's always help out there to make getting out that situation easier.

Irma found some solace in Alex after Johnny's death. According to what I could understand, she was staying with him out of guilt for Davey's death. What is inexcusable is the fact that she keeps staying wih him after he abuses her children.

[Cristina Chifane]

As a psychology student, I think that there is no overcoming in abuse and trauma. People only cope with the situation. There are actually many coping mechanism that is available. Sometimes, these mechanism will even lead to bigger problems but most often than not, they lead to a better situation for the individual. The best way for me to cope with this problem is to talk to a professional and to attend therapies but if the individual is not yet ready, the best way is to actually accept it and be strong.

This looks like a very pragmatic approach, but I have learnt abused people need practical, realistic persons around them.