What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by nyathireviewer »

I'm not so sure if there is a 'best' way to overcome abuse and trauma. People heal in different ways and require a solution fit for them. Talking about it might work for one person, but another might need something else. I know a lady who found working with a abused children much more therapeutic than the many years she had spent in therapy trying to overcome what happened to her as a child.
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Post by celeste1974 »

I have been one of the lucky ones. I have never been abused, so I don't really have advice to give. I have several friends who have, though. But, I agree with what many have said. Get out, and recognize the signs so you don't have to fall victim again. I also agree talking things out is important. See a professional counselor or psychologist. I also think the best way to overcome it? Take steps to not repeat the cycle if and when you have a family. I admire people who come from horrific abusive backgrounds and they are the most loving, kindest people and they are stellar parents who somehow manage to not pass on the violence or emotional horror.
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Post by ReviewerDiksha »

When a child is abused, be it physically, emotionally or psychologically, it is difficult for the child to ask for help. Many a times, they don't even know what it is. The case of what Alex did to Natalie, she could overcome it because she was almost an adult. She had been through it for a long time and so, in time, she understood what it meant. I wish her mother had stepped up for her before. I wish she had found the courage to protect Natalie when she was child, so it wouldn't have come to this. In real life as well, parents should be more aware of what is going on in their children's life and should stop the abuse, no matter how small the incident to prevent it from becoming a bigger problem later.
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The best therapy for trauma is absolute concentration on things that actually make you happy.
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Post by lindsaysherlock »

I think the only way to understand abuse is to go through it yourself. Sad, But true. The only thing that can heal is time and therapy.
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Post by Silahmom »

It's hard to say what the best way to over come abuse and trauma is. I think everyone copes differently. In Natalie's situation she did the best she could with what she had. Her mom should have stepped up and got them out of the abuse. Some people just don't get over it. Some people stay stuck until the end. But there are so many ways now to help people escape bad situations. I have a friend that ran away while her husband was at work and never looked back. She is so happy in her life now that she got away. I hope anyone that feels stuck in an abusive situation finds their best way out!
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Post by Lil Reads »

cristinaro wrote: 10 Apr 2018, 11:54
KitabuKitamu wrote: 08 Apr 2018, 13:57 In the past, we used to have the benefit of community living, where everybody's life was everyone's business. This can aid in prevention of abuse, because it will be easily discovered. Healing is more difficult and takes more than community.
Correct. I also believe that community pressure can still do wonders. You are right about healing, though. This is a different matter and it requires a lot of patience and determination.
While I agree community pressure can help prevent abuse, it sometimes might have the opposite effect in some circumstances. If the community itself has less healthy ideas, abuse can be normalized so it becomes even harder for someone to leave. I'm thinking in particular in decades when divorce was taboo or in communities where looking outside for help is considered 'weak' or 'wrong'.

Then there are cases where even a great support network and community around a person does not help the person.

A local news story from a few years ago highlighted this for me. A woman was leaving an abusive husband/boyfriend, had found a place where she and her kids were safe, had police reports on her side, was filling out paperwork for a restraining order, and had several people helping her. The guy came into the place where she worked with a gun. Other people were shot and the woman died. While all the evidence and paperwork she had helped give him a longer sentence, her children are still orphans and she never got to build a new life, to move on, to feel safe.
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Post by ahmaria »

For me, venting or writing has always been a way that I coped with traumatic situations. Just being able to share what happened, especially to someone who has similar experiences or can at least sympathize, makes it easier. Being able to relive it somewhat objectively in order to retell the story really helps me feel better like I have control over the situation and I have power in being able to tell the story of something I thought I could never get through. When it comes to abuse, however, I'm still trying to figure that one out. Being away from the person surely helps, but not all of us have that luxury. So far, attempting to show myself the care and kindness that that person didn't have for me helps me get through the days. Also finding and building good relationships to try and drown out the noise from that awful one.
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Post by Joanna Mary Stamatis »

The protagonist did a great job by finding peace in the hands of art and fighting this kind of violence, but it is not as easy as it looks in real life and this is why i find it hard for my part as a new writer to describe these feelings. It's not easy to write emotions that you never felt. Also, I congratulate and respect those writers that made me read the book even if i had seen the movie just to find the right emotions and find myself in the shoes of every protagonist and living and experiencing all these feelings that in every other case wouldn't.
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Post by Suzy1611 »

Sometimes abuse is difficult to talk about. Sometimes it is in thought more
than words can say. Thanks for the review.
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Post by Riszell »

nyathireviewer wrote: 22 Jun 2018, 03:29 I'm not so sure if there is a 'best' way to overcome abuse and trauma. People heal in different ways and require a solution fit for them. Talking about it might work for one person, but another might need something else. I know a lady who found working with a abused children much more therapeutic than the many years she had spent in therapy trying to overcome what happened to her as a child.
Very well said. We cannot really say what's best for everyone. People have different experiences so different approach or solution could work and we cannot say that what's best for one is also the best for another or for everyone.
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Post by Moureenkaranu »

I think the best way to overcome trauma and abuse is to talk it out, also seeking professional help it's useful.
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Post by Torypee »

Describing abusive situations are quite difficult, speaking as a writer, because most times a writer might have to be in character....feel the emotions of all characters, trying as much as possible to be in their shoes
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Post by NnWillsons »

lesler wrote: 02 Apr 2018, 14:26 Natalie does a good job overcoming her own abuse, by fighting back. I don't think there's any specific best way to overcome abuse, as everyone is different. Talking things out, and learning is an excellent way, though.
You echoed my thoughts. There’s no one “best” way to handle anything. What is helpful to one person wouldn’t necessarily help another. Every person is different and therefore has to cope and adapt differently. In a lot of ways that is the true challenge of writing a story about abuse: you have to remember that your character is a person and has to deal with their situation in a way that is different from other abuse protagonists.
“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”

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Post by Cecilia_L »

I read several comments regarding Natalie's mother's failure to protect her children, and I agree. When I left an abusive marriage, my three children were the deciding factor. I feared if I stayed that my daughters would grow up believing being abused was acceptable. I was also concerned that my son would become an abuser. I was very fortunate to have supportive friends and family members, but I don't believe I could have overcome the obstacles I faced and truly healed without my faith in God. I also found writing very therapeutic, as well as helping other single parents.
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