What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by joycechitwa »

It becomes very difficult to overcome abuse and trauma if the society, or at least the perpetrator believes that he or she (the perpetrator) has the right and/or aurthority to do so. In some of our African cultures where women are considered as part of men's property, and the bulk of people in power (e.g. police, local authorities e.t.c) are still the same men, it poses a challenge for an abused wife or female to even begin to report, let alone seek justice. In these cases, the starting point is shifting mindsets to re-educate society that each and every person has equal rights that need to be respected and upheld.
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Post by ea_anthony »

BDTheresa wrote: 02 Apr 2018, 03:36 Natalie fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art is one way to overcome abuse and trauma. The alcoholic father is not the only one responsible in the family equation. The mother is equally responsible. Instead of letting her eldest child raise up to the challenge of protecting her and her siblings, the mother should have done that instead. It's her responsibility as a mother to protect her children. The best way to respond to abuse and other traumatic experience is to seek professional help or check out https://www.helpguide.org. I don't think it's difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations if the writer follows the right method which are : (1) experience. If the writer doesn't have experience then the writer should seek out experience from those who overcame their abuse and trauma. No knowledge is small. (2) Seek out understanding from the professional. Those who study these kinds of things (Psychologist).
So kind of you to share a link on seeking professional (www.helpguide.org), you have done well. I agree to a large extent with you that writing about abusive situations might not be difficult for an author. A writer might experience a burst of inspiration and vividly describe abusive situations that might be 100% fiction. A writer could also have personally experienced such and decide to share as a therapeutic measure or to ensure the prevention, this situations might also be easy for the said writer to put to paper.
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Post by MidnightBasm »

Unfortunately, this situation is more than the plot of Ironbark Hill. It's a reality that many teenagers must face daily. Some of them will raise above and this challenge will transform them in stronger versions of themselves. However, the abuse from a parent is bound to leave deep scars. I call abuse both the actual act and the indifference that the mother displays. She is supposed to find her strength and provide a better life for her children. Natalie demonstrates a powerful will, not only to build a shield for herself, but also for her brothers against this traumatic experience. I believe that the best way to overcome abuse is to find inner strength and that healing can only come from within. But, of course, there are multiple venues that can help you achieve peace with yourself, ranging from talking it through with a friend to specialized help.
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Post by Dylan Dames »

First, I know that for people who are actually struggling with overcoming abuse reading this, the many differing opinions, comparisons and forms of advice can be alienating and confusing. Also, the way people are praising someone as fierce as Natalie can be intimidating because you think, "Is that what I need to become to get better?" The answer is no! Not definitely, at least. Trauma is something we are continually unraveling and working through. Once you've at least acknowledged your issues, taken the reins and treated yourself as someone of worth, you've begun the process. You can do this.
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Post by LaurenHaupt »

Talking about it. Find someone you can be close to and are very comfortable around. Write about it in a journal. Keeping things bottled up doesn't improve the situation.
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Post by Abdulsalam007+ »

Trauma and abuse are two sides of a coin and the commonest thing in Africa rampant among girls, further aggravated by the fact that these girls often wouldn't want to disrupt the supposed happiness in the family. Hence, she will prefer to stay mute for the peace of the family and personally bear the brunt of the haunting scenes of flashbacks of the inhumane desecration. This ultimately would affect the woman she'll eventually turn out to be.
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Post by Ksharmilla »

I feel creating distance is the first step. Then take time for yourself and do things you enjoy. Seek help. And carve an identity for yourself.
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Post by juliamenez »

I'm actually reading Drift to Shift right now, which outlines some great case studies about overcoming hardships in order to live a dream life. One of the key points is to have a good support system and someone who believes in you.
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Post by Jeff_O »

Mjgarrison wrote: 02 Apr 2018, 23:20 I feel like the best way to overcome abuse is to get away from and learn the signs so you can stay away from it. I was badly abused by my ex-husband and I didn't start to heal until I took myself and my kids far away from the situation. It still took about 10 years to forgive my abuser and start to really trust people in my life again.
You did the right thing by getting away with your kids. The kids also suffer psychologically just like the victim more so if it involves their parents. Good luck!
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Post by Sesame »

I think the best way is to get away from the abuse and find yourself some peace by doing something you like to comfort yourself. I will write letters to my younger brother who passed away, even I know he won't receive it and send any reply to me. However, I will still write to him and tell him everything I suffered and share my secrets in the letter.
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Post by Abigail R »

cristinaro wrote: 02 Apr 2018, 05:33 I agree with most of the things you mentioned. I have only one small remark regarding the difficulty of describing abusive situations. I have in mind Toni Morrison's novels Beloved and The Bluest Eye. In Beloved, a mother prefers killing her child for fear of sharing her fate as a slave whereas in The Bluest Eye, a girl is abused and finally raped by her alcoholic father. I watched a video with an interview taken to Toni Morrison about Beloved . What she says is that it was incredibly hard to find the language to describe the story of a mother who was so desperate as to kill her child and that precise moment is so buried in the text that you have problems finding it. For me, Toni Morrison is an incredible writer and she did find the words to touch anyone to tears.
It is hard to put into words how wonderful of an author Toni Morrison is. The way she portrayed the emotions and thought process of the mother in Beloved was so unique and heart wrenching. It absolutely changed my thoughts on the lengths people will go to in order avoid abuse and major hardships. I know her story was fiction, but I could easily see this being a real human reaction.

This comparison of the reactions of abuse is an interesting take from what I have read so far about Ironbark Hill. It continues to increase my interest in this book and all that it has to offer.
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Post by Noore »

Best way is to seek a counsellor and accept inwardly the challenges but be optimistic .
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Post by CrimsonPrincess24 »

For me the best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to find something that will keep you away from it. It can be someone or something. Find a hobby like reading, playing and such. You can also find someone who will be there when you need him.
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Post by bluesky5_ »

I read all the above posts, and I have to admit that there a quite a few that have learned how to overcome the evils that surround us. I cannot agree more that getting away from the harmful environment is the primary first thing to resolve. I am a victim of incest, and it was a tough one to grow out of as I was young, (age 16). Seeking the help of your church or a trusted friend is what is very important. Talking about it whether it be to good friends or people you don't really know but have had the same experience has a positive effect. As well, after a 12 year marriage my husband became verbally abusive and physically abusive. I was extremely reliant on him until I went through that mess. I was embarrassed in front of people and neighbors. I was fortunate in having friends telling me what to do and I went to court, got a restraining order, got away from him. The court system required that I, with my two children, go to domestic violence sessions as well my husband (he had to go on his own -different location). That domestic violence session was the "Real Eye Opener" for me!! I learned to be stronger for myself for the sake of my children. It taught me that I am not stupid, and that I can overcome that, and be much more confident in what I do in the future. It worked!! I can successfully say my two daughters have grown up to be two well-adjusted women, one is happily married with my one adorable grandchild and the oldest daughter has chosen not to be married but has a very nice boyfriend. I am retired, single, very happy and content but most of all I have the knowledge of "POWER, STRENGTH, and CONFIDENCE" to overcome the bad adversity in my life.
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Post by Book Bear »

That is a huge question. It depends on the abuse and trauma suffered and who is involved. There are all sorts of different ways but I reckon counselling from a qualified person is a first step. They can then assess the abuse and trauma and recommend a way forward.
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