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maggi3 wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 12:56 I agree with both of your points, but I would add better editing as well. I found a lot of errors in the book. Also, I would change Sky’s character so that he was a bit more believable and change the instant love aspect of his and Cynthia’s relationship.

I agree 100% with this. The instant attraction between two strangers isn't very believable. And Sky was an odd duck, to say the least. He seemed to hover between madly in love and possessive.

I feel like the order of development for certain parts of the conflict was a little out of whack, from focusing on the cheating right off the bat to there not being much conflict at all with the cyber war until the end. It may be because I'm a fan of the traditional story arch, but it seemed like some of the "conflict" portions just fell flat or were missed completely.

Jo689 wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 08:17 I was actually thinking about this:

I thought the book was alright, unlike most. However, even though I didn't think it was bad, there were a lot of things I would have changed in the book, say if I was the author. The main things that I would change in this book is 1) add a backstory, or flashback of the events that happened in the previous books and 2) Make Cynthia a much more smarter character lol.

I agree with you, but besides your corrections I will eliminate the contradictions that exists between characters profile and their personality/normality of things. For examples, Cynthia is one of the people involved the cyber war but yet lack basic knowledge like dangers of unprotected sex and the use of abortifacient.

I would have trimmed the scene with Cynthia and Sky's initial meeting way down and done a "fade to black" on their first sexual encounter rather than that extremely awkward love scene, which was, to be honest, painful to read. Overall, I thought the book was a fun read, but I was unimpressed by the length of their meet-cute, and I found Sky's character controlling and creepy.

I would definitely get rid of the whole day after pregnancy bit! Totally ridiculous. And I would definitely make Cynthia smarter and more of a strong, confident woman. She has this important job in DC and she is portrayed as a not very smart female!

Jo689 wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 08:17 I was actually thinking about this:

I thought the book was alright, unlike most. However, even though I didn't think it was bad, there were a lot of things I would have changed in the book, say if I was the author. The main things that I would change in this book is 1) add a backstory, or flashback of the events that happened in the previous books and 2) Make Cynthia a much more smarter character lol.

With how impressive Cynthia's job was, you would think she would be smarter in every day life! That would be a great change to the book!

B Creech wrote: ↑06 Jul 2019, 14:56 I would definitely get rid of the whole day after pregnancy bit! Totally ridiculous. And I would definitely make Cynthia smarter and more of a strong, confident woman. She has this important job in DC and she is portrayed as a not very smart female!

I feel like the pregnancy did nothing for the story! If Cynthia hadn't had the miscarriage, then I feel like it would have made more of an impact. But then she would have a reason to stay with Sky, which I wish she wouldn't do either...

AntonelaMaria wrote: ↑08 Jun 2019, 12:53 Well, I really didn't like the book so where should I start with the changes? I mean this is a big question. Probably would make Cynthia a bit stronger and smarter as a leading character and Sky less of a mr.know it all and creep.

Sky was just awful! The fact that Cynthia ends up with him is so frustrating to me.

I read the sample and didn't care for the rest of the book. The dialogue was poor, Sky came across as a creep, and I wanted Cynthia to spray mace, or tell him to jerk off. The story felt very fake. The changes would be both Cynthia's and Sky's characters, I would reassess the character relationships and rewrite their verbal exchanges, and I would choose the adventure or action genre. As I didn't read the whole book, that's all I can say for it.

Backstories are essential for good character development, so I have to agree with you on that!

Jo689 wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 08:17 I was actually thinking about this:

I thought the book was alright, unlike most. However, even though I didn't think it was bad, there were a lot of things I would have changed in the book, say if I was the author. The main things that I would change in this book is 1) add a backstory, or flashback of the events that happened in the previous books and 2) Make Cynthia a much more smarter character lol.

I agree with you. I'd make the story more about Cynthia and Dan. As for Cynthia, she's just a character. There are people like that in life. LOL.

I would be more realistic about the plot and events in the novel. Real life isn't how the characters project it.

From what I've read of Cynthia's character, I definitely think there's a lot of room for improvement there. And I would also consider changing the insta-love aspect.

Letora wrote: ↑03 Jul 2019, 08:23

maggi3 wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 12:56 I agree with both of your points, but I would add better editing as well. I found a lot of errors in the book. Also, I would change Sky’s character so that he was a bit more believable and change the instant love aspect of his and Cynthia’s relationship.

I agree 100% with this. The instant attraction between two strangers isn't very believable. And Sky was an odd duck, to say the least. He seemed to hover between madly in love and possessive.

I agree!

Honestly, the the thing that was most difficult for me to ignore was the contrived conversation at times. At times, especially in the beginning it felt unnatural which took my attention away from what was happening. An editor once told me the best way to check your dialogue is to read it out loud. If it’s not something you’d say to another person out loud you shouldn’t write it that way.