OnlineBookClub.org

esp1975 wrote: ↑19 Jan 2020, 16:59 I think one of the biggest lessons is that for generations, we have not taught men how to process their feelings. We have left all the emotional work of maintaining relationships on women. These men were prototypical college boys for so much of their lives. The bigger surprise was any of them being willing to go to therapy. Especially since the point of the book is to talk about the "man missions" where the men basically have to out "man" each other, I feel like the biggest lesson is that friendship is important, but even good friendships can have toxic elements.

pshaw1414 wrote: ↑09 Jan 2020, 16:58 The main protagonist was under a lot of stress when he committed his infidelity. Ultimately, he had a weak moment and allowed it to overcome him. He only truly felt the effects of his actions when he was confronted in Vietnam. I believe he learned a lesson that he desperately needed to learn. Even when he met Sarah, he still thought of Rachel and his absence in the life of his children. He still reminisced about how beautiful Rachel was when they met and about how much he misses her. I think we need to learn from that to communicate and appreciate your spouse no matter what the situation is. The lack of those necessities is ultimately what drew them apart in my opinion.

Daniel did the right thing, in my opinion. He realized that his woman had been unhappy for a long time. He respected her need for space and moved into an apartment, whilst seeking counseling. The counseling ultimately worked, and after a healthy time apart, he and Pam are better than ever. A lot can be learned about this. I don't believe he was giving up by succumbing to the separation. I feel that if he forced the relationship by staying in the home during counseling, it may have had a different effect.

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

Inkroverts wrote: ↑21 Jan 2020, 21:19 I learnt to have our priorities and make sacrifices. After all, we can't have everything in life. (And a lot of things in life are tempting) If we can pinpoint what we want most, I think we'll be less regretful when it comes to sacrificing some less important things.

Sugarlump54 wrote: ↑21 Jan 2020, 18:23 i don’t think people realize what being committed in a marriage really means until the honeymoon is over and regular life takes hold. I think Alec saw how his friends had changed in their marriages and was afraid that would happen to him. It’s like when you move somewhere you always wanted to live and get so excited, but eventually you have to pay bills do laundry work long hours...it’s not as much fun as it was at first... that’s when the work of building new things in a relationship to keep the spark going happens. These guys did not do that.

espo wrote: ↑21 Jan 2020, 13:11 I think the main relationship advice the book has to offer is that if you're not true to yourself, you won't be to anyone else. We see the main character struggling with unfulfillment on all levels, professional and personal, and he does nothing about it (apart from going on yearly man missions, of course). He tries to hide and suppress his feelings until he cannot help but cheat on his wife as a form of escapism from his life problems. That maybe would have not happened had he been more communicative and open to sharing his feelings.

godly02 wrote: ↑20 Jan 2020, 19:16

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree with you. Sacrificing one’s happiness for another can lead to complete distraction. What makes one persons happiness more important than the other?

godly02 wrote: ↑20 Jan 2020, 19:13

pshaw1414 wrote: ↑09 Jan 2020, 16:58 The main protagonist was under a lot of stress when he committed his infidelity. Ultimately, he had a weak moment and allowed it to overcome him. He only truly felt the effects of his actions when he was confronted in Vietnam. I believe he learned a lesson that he desperately needed to learn. Even when he met Sarah, he still thought of Rachel and his absence in the life of his children. He still reminisced about how beautiful Rachel was when they met and about how much he misses her. I think we need to learn from that to communicate and appreciate your spouse no matter what the situation is. The lack of those necessities is ultimately what drew them apart in my opinion.

Daniel did the right thing, in my opinion. He realized that his woman had been unhappy for a long time. He respected her need for space and moved into an apartment, whilst seeking counseling. The counseling ultimately worked, and after a healthy time apart, he and Pam are better than ever. A lot can be learned about this. I don't believe he was giving up by succumbing to the separation. I feel that if he forced the relationship by staying in the home during counseling, it may have had a different effect.

I haven read the book as of yet but I do agree with how you have interpreted the two different ways of handling issues in a marriage. Especially the fact that being separated does not mean failure if both parties are willing to put in the work to mend what is cracked or broken.

Julius_ wrote: ↑22 Jan 2020, 04:59

godly02 wrote: ↑20 Jan 2020, 19:16

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree with you. Sacrificing one’s happiness for another can lead to complete distraction. What makes one persons happiness more important than the other?

I think it's just a matter of sitting down and discussing what works for both of you. Everyone's happiness should be put into consideration.