Did this book change your perspective on 'the cheater' in any way?

[Brenda Creech]

I have to say I did feel sorry for him, but there is no justification for cheating in my mind. You can always leave a relationship if you're not happy. He said how bad he felt about it but he kept going back. It wasn't just a one-time thing that he felt guilt over. I actually understand why he did it at the "moment" but I can't understand why he kept cheating and didn't stop until Rachael confronted him.

I agree. Also, if he keeps going back, then cheating turns into a habit.

Absolutely!

[Anthony__]

I honeatly felt pity for her even though I dont support cheating. But these things happen alot in marriage.

[AvocaDebo621]

It's not okay to justify cheating as in real life we know there are so many examples where happily married guys fake being in an unhappy relationship to get the sympathy of a woman they like, but when people are actually unhappy in their marriage, things like this seem to happen more often than we like to admit. Love and attention from a new person gives you a kind of happiness and peace that you think you lack in your marriage. And this is the case here. Although personally I think he and Rachel should have cared enough to keep their communication alive all these years as it had eventually affected their intimacy a lot.

[nanglada]

I don't think there is any way to justify cheating but this book definitely helped me understand the mind of a cheater.

[Goddess8]

Rather than changing my perspective, it re-enforced what I have learned from my own experiences with cheating.

A quick overview: For eighteen years I was in a marriage full of pain. I was not treated with love or care, and my husband was gone 80 percent of the time. Around fourteen years into the marriage, my husband got involved with another woman. He was adamant it was just a friendship but the biggest change I saw that caused deep feelings of pain and betrayal, was the difference in how he shared his life with me in conversation. It was one of the few things I enjoyed that he had always done...talk to me about everything going on in his life. That stopped. He was telling her instead. I got caught up in an emotional affair online soon after he informed me that he wouldn't stop the relationship with her.

I say 'caught up', because, like the protagonist, I didn' t go looking for it but I let down my guard, something I never thought I could do in my marriage. I met a man in an online game that I had been playing with my kids and the aching loneliness and rejection I had been feeling for so many years disappeared. It was euphoric. Like a drug that takes over all areas of life, my existence ceased to have meaning without him in it. I could feel how wrong it was but I felt powerless to stop the immense joy I felt and go back to the colorless existence I was caught up in for so long.

You see, I had 5 children with my husband. There had been many times I wanted to leave, but the thought of what it would do to them kept me on the fence. Added to that, the fact that anytime I told him I was leaving, he changed how he treated me for a while, begging me to stay. Of course, there was also fear of doing it all on my own without the financial support my husband provided, but it's easy to look back on all that now, and wish I had just left before I chose to get involved with another man. It's so easy to judge how I handled everything, but I think unless a person has experienced something similar to this, understanding how the brain is working is hard to see. Nothing is clear. There are too many emotions.

The way Eytan described all this was so achingly familiar and heartbreaking for me. It's not that he didn't have his accountability in why the marriage was failing. He certainly did. He couldn't change what Rachael was doing but he could have changed himself...possibly. Sometimes it takes experience going through these things to gain the wisdom to do something differently.

It seems that it took going through this heartache for him to let go of his belief systems regarding who he should be as a man; systems built and reinforced by society which were unhealthy.

For myself, it took going through all this to finally gain the strength and courage to leave my marriage, something I'm still grateful for. Wisdom gained has also shown me that it takes pure love of myself to stop anything like this from happening again. I love who I am and my integrity too much to ever place myself in a situation like this, because it is very easy to see that the first step or two down the pathway of cheating, is the one I can change. A slippery slope develops way too quickly after that and jumping off the path is no longer easy.

Because of that, I understand, all too well, why he didn't stop seeing her; why it felt like he had lost control of his actions. Once you start falling, it takes a miracle to stop. Rachael finding out, at that point, was the only thing that could pull him out of the dive. Unfortunately, by then, saving the marriage was almost impossible. It happens but is very difficult.

It's hard to comprehend exactly what was happening with Eytan and Rachael. For one thing, his life with her is the secondary story, so we don't get a lot of detail...mainly just glimpses. Because of that, I can't and don't judge or condemn either one of them. There is far too little information. It was good to read his experiences going through the consequences of his choices. Very clearly, we can see it wasn't worth it; the devastation was horrific.

[maxiphemmax]

While people cheat based on many reasons, yet this book still doesn't give me that sentiment to give to the protagonist on his downward spiral. I think both Rachel and her husband just give up in not trying to make things work. Some comment earlier said, 'communication is the key'.

[Lexiem]

I did feel a little sorry for him but still feel that he was completely in the wrong. I do not think he was at all justified and he knew what he was doing while he was doing it.

[habsfan212]

It always better when you end a relationship before seeking something else, but it's not always that easy. When you are unhappy for so long, you get the feeling that you will never get the chance to have a better life, you get the false notion that you deserve this. Sometimes, you just won't realize this unless you cheat. Cheating is a huge betrayal but like many mistakes, there's always a reason behind it, so yes I felt bad for him, since he did not know better.

[randompersonavility]

But at the end of the day, cheating is still a bad thing. No matter what the character of any person is going through in the realtionship, cheating should be an alternative. Either you end the relationship or stay miserable.

[Bookreviwer2020]

I agree, I think that although cheating is wrong the main character did try to avoid it for a long time and did not actually want to cheat on his wife. Yet the book shows that sometimes if a partner does not take care of another person's needs they may push them to have an affair - or end the relationship. So yes I felt sorry for him to, and I'm too of that he would be known as the cheater whereas his wife was not entirely blame free

[Damis Seres Rodriguez]

I can't feel sorry for him; mostly because there are some actions that can't be justified, cheating is cheating, regardless the circumstances. However if I got to be honest here, I have to admit that I understand the reasons that led to it, and if I was in his shoes, I'd probably consider it myself (the lack of interest that Rachel had and the way that she behaved all together would have been enough to get on my nerves). In any case it was not surprising to see it happen.
Granted there are two sides to every issue, and I don't think that blaming Rachel for being so busy trying to cope with her own life to lift up her gaze at anyone else is the right way to go either. To be fair, i feel even more sorry for her than for him because at least before my eyes, she was just as miserable as he was.

[KimberlyS88]

I see cheating differently now as it’s not always an issue with their partner, but something within themselves that they are needing to work through.

[Mallory Porshnev]

This did not really change my opinion of cheaters, but did allow me to see a little bit of a different perspective and perhaps sympathize just a tad.

[HanElizabeth397]

I don't think there is any way to justify cheating but this book definitely helped me understand the mind of a cheater.

I agree - I don't think it's justifiable but I do sympathise with some of his unhappiness and wanting an escape reality. I just think he chose the wrong way to go about it

[Daniel_]

I understand the situation they are in, but I'm of the opinion that two wrongs do not make a right. I know its easier said than done.