The Main Character's Hardships

Use this forum to discuss the January 2020 Book of the month, "Man Mission: 4 men, 15 years, 1 epic journey", by Eytan Uliel.
DorcasToo
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Re: The Main Character's Hardships

Post by DorcasToo »

Exactly and those consequences are what most people don't know how to handle @NetMassimo and they end up with the mistakes. Just as the protagonist did.
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Post by Saraion »

Depression is the most common cause and then the pressures of society on a man, in different respects, are the problems that the man is dealing with
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Wamakima
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Post by Wamakima »

esp1975 wrote: 03 Jan 2020, 17:39 I think it goes back to toxic masculinity and rules like "he who whines loudest wears the pink bracelet". Both in society and his friend group, the main protagonist never let himself be truly emotionally open. And that's a huge factor in situational depression. (Though we should not discount brain chemistry issues which cause depression regardless of outside factors.)
Toxic Masculinity! That's it! I like how you've used the word toxic. I would agree that this would be a huge contributing factor to the character's depression.
But the path I’ve chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. :)
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Maria Esposito
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Post by Maria Esposito »

I definitely agree with the folks who talked about toxic masculinity. Especially the fact that the main character did not feel authorized or legitimized to be open about the fact that he was having a real hard time.
The strongest impetus a man will ever have, in an individual sense, will come from a woman he admires.

- George Jackson, "Soledad Brother"
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Post by ciecheesemeister »

I think he was trying his best, but he was doing what he thought he should be doing rather than what he wanted to be doing with regards to work. Also, rather than talking to his wife about the problems in their marriage, he kept things bottled up, hoping that they would resolve on their own.
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Post by adamgreenrock »

He definitely has a problem of thinking he could've done more with his life. He could've love his wife more and show more care but he made it more of a 'him' problem instead of trying to find a way to fix it.
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Post by Chelsey Coles »

I saw the collapse of the main character's psyche long before it actually came. I love the degree of foreshadowing, because the depression and unhappiness slowly unwinds itself. As I was reading I was like: "OK sir, you are going to explode. You better start expressing yourself or it will eat you alive." And it did.

BUT that night when he went out cycling for longer than expected and got into a row with Rachel in the kitchen, breaking down crying... After she told him they should get better at talking to each other... I thought that was a breaking point. I thought they would both, or at least one, try to do just that: talk. And they didn't. Instead he drew even further into himself. He thought he was letting his family down because he wasn't happy... it's so sad that the one person he should have been talking to was Rachel! His wife! And he couldn't do that. Even the talks with his friends didn't do a whole bunch because his deeply rooted problems had nothing to do with them.
“It's far less important to me to be liked these days than to be understood.” :sad-teareye:
― Lionel Shriver, We Need to Talk About Kevin
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Post by mary-annef »

If you stand for nothing, you fall for everything. I think the protagonist took the easy route in allowing others to determine his values for him. Partly because he didn't want to want to disappoint people like his parents, but probably also because he enjoyed the accolades and financial rewards that came with it. Over time he bought into the idea of himself being the upwardly mobile, all-powerful provider figure. When the financial crash happened, he was forced to accept how fragile his employment position actually was and how little control he really had over his own future. I think his whole sense of self came tumbling down around him and he no longer knew who he was. That made it easier to have the affair in a sense. Later when he is faced with the consequences of his actions he is forced to acknowledge that his own actions caused him to lose the only things that were really of any value.
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Post by Tobewankenobe »

I think you're right. Early on you see the pressure to be masculine acting as a motivating factor. But as time passes, a higher percentage of his life is put into this effort, with the perception of his masculinity basically being the same. If more work meant a higher payoff he might not have had those feelings. Depression sets in when people start to lose hope.
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Post by Leyla Ann »

I don't think I can pick one. Overall his compromises, which in a way hint at his hardships led to one conclusion which was his dissatisfaction with his life and yet feeling stuck, with no way out.
People who read are hiders. They hide who they are. People who hide don't always like who they are.
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Post by HarryPotterLibrary22 »

ciecheesemeister wrote: 22 Jan 2020, 20:52 I think he was trying his best, but he was doing what he thought he should be doing rather than what he wanted to be doing with regards to work. Also, rather than talking to his wife about the problems in their marriage, he kept things bottled up, hoping that they would resolve on their own.
I think a key takeout from this book is to not keep things bottled up and to try and work through emotions and talk about things.
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Post by djr6090 »

HarryPotterLibrary22 wrote: 27 Jan 2020, 12:34
ciecheesemeister wrote: 22 Jan 2020, 20:52 I think he was trying his best, but he was doing what he thought he should be doing rather than what he wanted to be doing with regards to work. Also, rather than talking to his wife about the problems in their marriage, he kept things bottled up, hoping that they would resolve on their own.
I think a key takeout from this book is to not keep things bottled up and to try and work through emotions and talk about things.
Talk, yes But in the final analysis, take action to change the things that you can. This man's problems would not go away just because he talked about them to his friends. He had to learn to express his feelings to those he loved in more ways than just work. He had to learn gratitude for his many blessings. In a lot of ways, the pink bracelet for whining hints at the same thing. Stop complaining and start communicating.
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Post by Echo Haapala »

I agree. I think as the years went on, the financial stresses increased and the social events doubled, he lost himself. He felt the increasing pressure to support his family but lost his own identity along the way.
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Post by Nkoo »

One of the factors that contributed to his depression, I agree, was societal expectations from men. The society has an unwritten rule of what the man should be. Consciously or unconsciously, men abide by those rules and before you know it, poof, depression sets in and the person begins a downward spiral of some sort.
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Post by Browlyns »

If you ask me, the main character is weak, he makes mistakes and whines about it. Instead of facing the world head on like Daniel, he hides in shame in the name of depression. He even get jealous of his kids he did not have the 'man' in him.
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