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What do you think was/were the main reason/s for the main character's depression towards the latter part of the book?
For me, I think it was the expectations for him to be a man in a society where it is expected for men to be strong physically and emotionally.

I think you're right that the protagonist's depression was initiated by a sense that he had to be strong and couldn't show any weakness. Then, as life got harder and more complicated, the stress just increased. Later, of course, after cheating on his wife and the subsequent loss of his marriage, the depression was compounded by feelings of guilt for what he'd done to his wife, his marriage and his kids. I think there was a great deal of both guilt and remorse which made his depression even worse.

I agree! I think societies pressures on what a man should be affected him in every part of the book, from the type of husband he thought he should be to how he should act on the trips. I don't think he ever shed that, even at the end of the book, which is a shame because it would have been a nice lessen to include in the book.

Laura Lee wrote: ↑03 Jan 2020, 07:03 I think you're right that the protagonist's depression was initiated by a sense that he had to be strong and couldn't show any weakness. Then, as life got harder and more complicated, the stress just increased. Later, of course, after cheating on his wife and the subsequent loss of his marriage, the depression was compounded by feelings of guilt for what he'd done to his wife, his marriage and his kids. I think there was a great deal of both guilt and remorse which made his depression even worse.

That’s true. A lot of things piled on top of each other.

Melissa Breen wrote: ↑03 Jan 2020, 07:04 I agree! I think societies pressures on what a man should be affected him in every part of the book, from the type of husband he thought he should be to how he should act on the trips. I don't think he ever shed that, even at the end of the book, which is a shame because it would have been a nice lessen to include in the book.

I guess it was the type of lesson that the reader figures out on their own. And I agree that he didn’t shed it in the end, I guess because it was not easy to go against what society expects.

I think it goes back to toxic masculinity and rules like "he who whines loudest wears the pink bracelet". Both in society and his friend group, the main protagonist never let himself be truly emotionally open. And that's a huge factor in situational depression. (Though we should not discount brain chemistry issues which cause depression regardless of outside factors.)

Charlyt wrote: ↑03 Jan 2020, 01:27 What do you think was/were the main reason/s for the main character's depression towards the latter part of the book?
For me, I think it was the expectations for him to be a man in a society where it is expected for men to be strong physically and emotionally.

I agree that the societal expectations were as much to blame for his depression as was his guilt for helping create the situation he found himself in. We get signals from society all the time about who we should be. Many times, we don't even pay attention to them even as they settle into our subconsciousness. Realizing that you aren't good enough for something, anything, is hurtful. When you think you aren't even good enough for the world you live in, that is devastating.

I think there were multiple factors that caused his depression. As you said, the pressures of society as to what a man should be, his guilt over his affair, his loneliness, feeling like he had let his wife and children down, and most of all not being able to forgive himself!

esp1975 wrote: ↑03 Jan 2020, 17:39 I think it goes back to toxic masculinity and rules like "he who whines loudest wears the pink bracelet". Both in society and his friend group, the main protagonist never let himself be truly emotionally open. And that's a huge factor in situational depression. (Though we should not discount brain chemistry issues which cause depression regardless of outside factors.)

I totally agree! It's hard for people to be vulnerable because they think it makes them look weak and then they stuff it and become depressed.

I think that what happened to the main character is just life... Life happens to everyone. The hardships piled on top of each other because he never resolved the problems but thought that if he just goes on his annual "man Mission" his problems would somehow disappear. Everything is preventable. But the book made me more aware that lots of men probably feel this way and are afraid of life but even more afraid to look weak and admit that they have fears.

I really started to enjoy the main character when he finally started to accept who he was and stopped being afraid to admit his weaknesses to his friends.

I think the protagonist created his own box and locked himself in it and then buried the box. We all construct rules to live by, and his appeared to be meeting the expectations he viewed as "The Relationship Playbook." I think that his pressures were real, but that he made little effort to appreciate his blessings. As Abe Lincoln said, "Every man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be."

I felt that the protagonist projected the reason behind his depression in the emotional conversation with his mom during the family barbeque.

There was a point where I had this "you brought it on yourself" sort of indifferent attitude towards him, but then I started thinking of it as a "man". His wife and kids depend on him to live. His career is a roller coaster. All of his decisions are made on behalf other people. I would be depressed too!! The cheating thing was a bit extreme and unexcusable in my opinion; but I get it. He just wants someone to tell him "Hey, it's cool. Go ahead and cry."

He did what he felt he was supposed to do. With a traditional idea of what being a man means, that included repressing at least part of his emotions in a way that's unhealthy in long-term. In his job he ended up staying in a sort of comfort zone that was so looking at stability, but his dissatisfaction increased adding to his emotional problems.

I fully agree with you. The society has expectations set for us and the higher it is the higher the disappointment. And I think that's the biggest hit on the protagonist as he feels he's failed people. Depression is real and affects even the strongest of us. What with the expectations everyone has set for you yet you can't even afford to make ends meet. It's something most people easily assume but it's really taking a toll on most people.

@DorcasToo your points are really interesting. Expectations generate perceptions that can be totally false, and that has negative consequences on people's lives.