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The main protagonist has a divorce, Daniel suffers a separation, Sam feels he is floating and Alec needs counseling before he could commit. What lessons can we draw from their relationships?

The main protagonist was under a lot of stress when he committed his infidelity. Ultimately, he had a weak moment and allowed it to overcome him. He only truly felt the effects of his actions when he was confronted in Vietnam. I believe he learned a lesson that he desperately needed to learn. Even when he met Sarah, he still thought of Rachel and his absence in the life of his children. He still reminisced about how beautiful Rachel was when they met and about how much he misses her. I think we need to learn from that to communicate and appreciate your spouse no matter what the situation is. The lack of those necessities is ultimately what drew them apart in my opinion.

Daniel did the right thing, in my opinion. He realized that his woman had been unhappy for a long time. He respected her need for space and moved into an apartment, whilst seeking counseling. The counseling ultimately worked, and after a healthy time apart, he and Pam are better than ever. A lot can be learned about this. I don't believe he was giving up by succumbing to the separation. I feel that if he forced the relationship by staying in the home during counseling, it may have had a different effect.

I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

Marriage takes work, but it’s hard to put in the work when any one of the pair is absent. For soldiers, nothing is taken for granted because death is always on the mind. But for astronauts it is much easier to forget about those left behind while adventuring in Space. And in this case, the wives will find it easier to resent their husbands with less dangers to worry about. In comparison, Space is like a dream vacation they miss out on. So being busy isn’t a valid excuse for taking the life back at home for granted.

I learned that we can't serve two masters. I think the root cause of the negative effects on the characters marriage and relationship is the fact that they weren't able to balance their devotion towards their love for adventure and married life. Staying away from your family can have a negative impact.

Marriage might or might not work is the biggest lesson of all. But I think being the bigger person and accepting you are wrong is what I take with me. All the four men have different paths when it comes to marriage and relationships meaning our destinies are different, we just have to live with it.

LyorBoone wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 23:24 Marriage takes work, but it’s hard to put in the work when any one of the pair is absent. For soldiers, nothing is taken for granted because death is always on the mind. But for astronauts it is much easier to forget about those left behind while adventuring in Space. And in this case, the wives will find it easier to resent their husbands with less dangers to worry about. In comparison, Space is like a dream vacation they miss out on. So being busy isn’t a valid excuse for taking the life back at home for granted.

True. Couples should always choose each other rather than choosing things that brings them temporary gratification.

The narrator and Rachel behaved like they signed a contract, so they followed some rules and expected the marriage to work. They didn't seem aware that a relationship changes in time, so the spouses need to keep "in synch" if they want it to keep on working. Communications seemed quite poor in their marriage.

NetMassimo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:50 The narrator and Rachel behaved like they signed a contract, so they followed some rules and expected the marriage to work. They didn't seem aware that a relationship changes in time, so the spouses need to keep "in synch" if they want it to keep on working. Communications seemed quite poor in their marriage.

I agree with you there. In both of the cases, communication seems to be the biggest problem.

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree, you shouldn't be going into a relationship to make the other person happy.

Wamakima wrote: ↑12 Jan 2020, 05:47

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree, you shouldn't be going into a relationship to make the other person happy.

There really are men who make up ideal women rules. My baby brother shared his with me after he graduated college and was in the market for a bride. I told him to let the perfect woman find HIM, not to use an inflexible yardstick. His first marriage (according to the rules) ended in disaster. His second wife found him, guess where? Barnes and Noble! I thought the bookclub might get a kick out of this.

djr6090 wrote: ↑13 Jan 2020, 11:10
There really are men who make up ideal women rules. My baby brother shared his with me after he graduated college and was in the market for a bride. I told him to let the perfect woman find HIM, not to use an inflexible yardstick. His first marriage (according to the rules) ended in disaster. His second wife found him, guess where? Barnes and Noble! I thought the bookclub might get a kick out of this.

That's an interesting insight... I mean, besides establishing the importance of bookclubs... seriously, people and relationships can't be measured with a ruler. Thinking about this novel convinced me even more that in relationships a real connection is crucial, and that's something intangible.

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree. The issue I have with the main protagonist is that he lived most of his live out of obligations rather than what he wanted to do.

NetMassimo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:50 The narrator and Rachel behaved like they signed a contract, so they followed some rules and expected the marriage to work. They didn't seem aware that a relationship changes in time, so the spouses need to keep "in synch" if they want it to keep on working. Communications seemed quite poor in their marriage.

True, I think that a lot of people forget that their partner will change over time.

djr6090 wrote: ↑13 Jan 2020, 11:10

Wamakima wrote: ↑12 Jan 2020, 05:47

djr6090 wrote: ↑10 Jan 2020, 19:47 I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

I agree, you shouldn't be going into a relationship to make the other person happy.

There really are men who make up ideal women rules. My baby brother shared his with me after he graduated college and was in the market for a bride. I told him to let the perfect woman find HIM, not to use an inflexible yardstick. His first marriage (according to the rules) ended in disaster. His second wife found him, guess where? Barnes and Noble! I thought the bookclub might get a kick out of this.

I do find that oddly fitting