Did this book change your perspective on 'the cheater' in any way?

Use this forum to discuss the January 2020 Book of the month, "Man Mission: 4 men, 15 years, 1 epic journey", by Eytan Uliel.
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Samisah
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Re: Did this book change your perspective on 'the cheater' in any way?

Post by Samisah »

It's important to note that this man was busy vacationing while Rachel was home responsible for the upkeep of the home and the kids.
Yes, things weren't great. But the honourable thing would have been to divorce her. At least that frees him from any form of guilt. Besides in my opinion, he wasn't offering much to the family. I didn't see him try very hard to resolve things. I have no pity for this cheater really.
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Post by ArriettyClock »

I definitely agree, it is a bit like waiting for which one of the characters would be the first to cheat.
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Post by NetMassimo »

Samisah wrote: 20 Apr 2020, 08:51 It's important to note that this man was busy vacationing while Rachel was home responsible for the upkeep of the home and the kids.
Yes, things weren't great. But the honourable thing would have been to divorce her. At least that frees him from any form of guilt. Besides in my opinion, he wasn't offering much to the family. I didn't see him try very hard to resolve things. I have no pity for this cheater really.
To be fair his vacations were just a short break from work, and he worked hard. The problem is that he got stuck in a certain job because he thought that was the way for him to offer stability to his family without thinking about everything else beyond money.
Ciao :)
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Post by Mehwish Qaiser »

DorcasToo wrote: 11 Jan 2020, 02:41 Yes. It's not okay to justify cheating but when people are unhappy in marriage it eventually happens. When there's somebody else gives you happiness and peace you lack in your marriage or relationship, you automatically lean towards them. And this is the case here.
What he did cant be justified but I understand he was in pain and didn't know how to express it, being with a partner who wouldn't understand his feeling and wasn't willing to listen, he silenced himself to a point where he just wanted to feel loved and did whatever he could think of without thinking of who he was hurting
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Post by HanElizabeth397 »

ArriettyClock wrote: 21 Apr 2020, 04:11 I definitely agree, it is a bit like waiting for which one of the characters would be the first to cheat.
I kind of expected it to happen from the very beginning. But it actually makes me a little sad that it was something we were waiting to happen
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Post by ArriettyClock »

HanElizabeth397 wrote: 03 May 2020, 12:35 I kind of expected it to happen from the very beginning. But it actually makes me a little sad that it was something we were waiting to happen
Definitely! I always want some mystery to the books I'm reading! Expecting something to happen and then it does, feels like a waste of time.
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Post by Krishalliday »

In reply to the original post, I did not exactly feel sorry for the main character....but I felt empathetic towards him. I thought the author did a really good job showing how both partners really caused the downfall of their marriage, and how they both did things (or didn’t do things) to cause a divide between them. I don’t think cheating is ever justified but I do think this book shows how a ‘great’ couple can eventually find themselves in a toxic relationship. That is why communication with, and respect for your partner is SO important!
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Post by Lady-of-Literature »

Yes and No. I felt something similar when first watch the anime film, "A silent Voice," which is a film on bullying and in the end makes you sympathize with the bully in a very interesting way. I think its a sign a good story telling when the creator makes you feel something other than contempt for a traditionally "evil" character and this is no different i think.

The main character and his wife are both unhappy and sort of just living together, not with each other. Through out the book I would just shake my head at the way they handled each other and how so much could be solved if they just sat down and talked and maybe got some therapy, like the main character's friend and his wife.

So, yes I felt sorry for him because he was miserable and No because so much could have been avoided had they both swallowed their anger and said, "Lets try to face this demon before it consumes us."
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Post by alicia_fountain »

Karina Nowak wrote: 10 Jan 2020, 20:37 I honestly feel that either the protagonist or his wife could have had an affair. They both were at the end of their rope and I was just waiting to see who would let go first.

But by the time it happened, I thought I would be mad and annoyed, but I just felt so sorry for him. He was so unhappy with his life, living in a relationship with a partner he couldn't communicate with and wasn't even sure loved him anymore, and stifled by his responsibility and what he thought others expected of him.

In other words, never in my life did I think I would feel sorry for a cheater, and I did. I really did. The author really made you feel what the protagonist was feeling and showed the progression of his overwhelming happiness at the beginning of his relationship to how it slowly fell apart.

So although we aren't saying that cheating is okay, it isn't. I came away with an understanding that a person can't be in their right frame of mind to cheat. They are most likely desperate and hurting and so off-balanced emotionally that they submit to something that can hurt others and themselves just to feel good about themselves and their life again for a moment.

What are your thoughts? Did this book give you any insight into why a person might cheat? Did you feel sorry for the protagonist at all? Or, like him, did you think it was all his fault and he got what he deserved?
I appreciate you taking the time to recognize that this kind of thing can happen. It is, of course, not okay to justify cheating, but there are circumstances that can lead it to happen. Especially to individuals who may feel trapped in their relationship. There are feelings on the side of the cheater that isn't being taken into account when some people preach about cheaters will stay cheaters. At its core, cheating is not a good way to deal with those feelings. I can still see why some people would end up cheating.
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Post by Estrellah254 »

I think cheating should not be justified in any way. Cheating is a choice. Even if you find yourself in a relationship that isn't working, you can still decide to fix it. I strongly believe that every problem has a solution.
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Post by Nzube Chizoba Okeke »

espo wrote: 14 Jan 2020, 06:59 The book did not change my opinion about cheating because I still think that communication is crucial in a couple, and the main character should have communicated his misery to his wife no matter how unready or unhappy she was to hear it. But I did find myself VERY frustrated with Rachel's behavior and her total lack of interest in her husband's wellbeing. Even when he initiated communication or intimacy, she blatantly brushed it off as if it did not matter to her. I don't think you're supposed to treat your partner like that. That's no justification to cheating, but I do understand why he would do so at this point.

Also, the fact that Rachel was at home with 3 kids also does not take away that her husband worked long, stressful and miserable hours at a job that he was not happy at to maintain a comfortable lifestyle for her and their kids. I would be totally fine and encouraging toward my husband taking a single week off from work and family, and especially given the stressful lifestyle that the main character leads.
The book didn't change my thoughts about cheating either. I also thought the main character should have communicated his misery but I don't think Rachel created room for that. Perhaps If she did, things would have turned out differently.
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Post by gelli_baranda »

Cheating was, is and will never be okay whichever angle it is.
Happy reading,
Gelli xoxo
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Post by Bigwig1973 »

I was liking this book a lot until it got to the part where he cheated on his wife. It happens, I realize, but was it really necessary to put this in the book? In a sense, he is being honest, perhaps for the sake of his children to show them that it's all right to make mistakes and to even publicly acknowledge the mistakes, or perhaps to help ensure that the children don't blame themselves? How did this book affect his family, if at all? It didn't really change my perspective on a "cheater". In my mind it's about making informed decisions: if you are going to cheat, then you should be prepared to deal with the consequences of cheating. Don't marry people you are going to want to cheat on if you feel that cheating on them is such a terrible thing.
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Post by Chinazo Anozie »

It didn't change my opinion in anyway, and to be honest, I saw him cheating coming. There is always going to be a reason to cheat if you're looking for one.
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Post by jimmy02 »

Rachel's vehemence and bitterness incline me towards that thought. Maybe, her behaviour was infact a mask for her own failings (affair)?

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