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Bhaskins wrote: ↑22 Jan 2020, 14:32

DorcasToo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:41 Yes. It's not okay to justify cheating but when people are unhappy in marriage it eventually happens. When there's somebody else gives you happiness and peace you lack in your marriage or relationship, you automatically lean towards them. And this is the case here.

I agree with this so much. It's so sad. So often it's a "grass is greener" thing. People also need to learn how to ask for their needs and leave terrible relationships.

Very true

Somewhat. I know cheating is wrong no matter how you justify it but the main character's struggles were genuinely painful in a sad way.

The protagonist's anguish and remorse protect him from becoming a pariah in my opinion. But I think that something that has not been given enough attention (even by the author) is the effect of the 2008 financial crash on people's psyche. Institutions that were regarded as venerable and invincible came crashing down. If you were employed by one of them you effectively found yourself in a warzone, guiltily hoping the colleague in the office next to you got taken out before you. Even though Uliel eventually lost his job he was spared the indignity of being marched out on a moment's notice in front of everyone and arriving home to explain that to Rachel. There are elements to his behavior that seem like post-traumatic stress to me. I think his recovery was from more than just his divorce and that the breakdown of his relationship was inevitable.

As per me, cheating isn't justifiable. If there's an issue/problem, one needs to find away to solve the problem and that includes opening up to a friend with whom you can look for a solution together. Failure to finding a solution to the problems we encounter shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. Come what may cheating will never sound good to me.

Yes, the book changed my view on cheating. I feel bad for the main protagonist. He wanted to make things alright but because of lack of communication and his busy life he was not able to make everything alright. With the passage of time, the marriage was looking more like a burden to them both. They both were unhappy with it and because of this, he cheated on her. But she was also not in the marriage any way she was there just for namesake. By analyzing the situation from both sides I don't think he cheated intentionally it just happened. The book changed my perspective on cheating thing. It looks something else from far and totally different from close.

Yeah I can confidently say that after reading this book, I don't view cheaters the same way I used to, although that doesn't make them any less in the wrong.

Bles wrote: ↑24 Jan 2020, 05:02 As per me, cheating isn't justifiable. If there's an issue/problem, one needs to find away to solve the problem and that includes opening up to a friend with whom you can look for a solution together. Failure to finding a solution to the problems we encounter shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. Come what may cheating will never sound good to me.

I agree. Personally this didn't change my opinion on cheating. It felt like a lot of stereotypes were used to justify the cheating and more could have been solved by actually talking about the issue

Looking back on the story, the protagonist did not seem to have had a chance to "sew his wild oats" as a youth. Maybe if he had, his emphasis on sex as a way to feel loved would have been less of a driving force.

I was surprised to find myself pitying him, I think it’s because I had never given much thought to why people cheat. After reflecting a little, I’m not surprised though because with no communication like that one of them was bound to break.

The book goes out of its way to telegraph the eroding marriage between the narrator and his wife. I figured that either the narrator or his wife would come out as a cheater, and given that the story is told from the narrator's perspective, I figured he would be the one that would have to go through that change. I can't say the book changed my opinion on "cheating," since there always at least two sides to every story, but I do think that this particular arc of the book is arguably its strongest point.

One of my biggest morals is not to cheat. Those who do cheat bother me, if I'm honest. This story didn't do much to change that.
Yes, maybe there were issues in the relationship, however, it is better to get out of the relationship before acting on anything. Ultimately, a decision was made to cheat. To me, that is a decision in and of itself. Sure, there may be some influences, but there are other options.

Cheating is wrong no matter the context. A book could never change my view on cheating. It hurts too many parties involved.

I don’t think it changed my perspective on the cheater; however, I did like seeing a different point of view. Meaning, cheating because the mental aspect of their relationship was lost instead of a physical attraction only.

Not really. It only confirmed what I already knew about the reasons why cheating happens in marriages. I don't feel sorry for the protagonist because unhappiness in marriage is created by the two parties involved. Happiness in a relationship is the product of effort by the parties. He could have tried harder and so could the spouse.

I felt sorry for him. Inasmuch as cheating is unjustifiable, the progression of his unhappy life was built up and hence, the eventual cheating and downward spiral of his life. Had both parties worked harder at their relationship, it might have succeeded. There were cracks in the relationship, from lack of communication to lack of passion. Ultimately, these factors are a recipe for divorce.