What Would You Do Differently?

Use this forum to discuss the February 2020 Book of the month, "Opaque" by Calix Leigh-Reign
Frances019
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Re: What Would You Do Differently?

Post by Frances019 »

Jacktone Ogada wrote: 05 Mar 2020, 12:43 Well, I could have removed the merger effect and create a way of just sharing the powers without any death.
That's a good point. Maybe to still give it impact the person loses the powers after transferring them.
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Post by leximutia »

I would take away the JoAnn fixation and include a chance for him to redeem himself after what happened to Terry.
Agreed.

Adam's obsession with his mother disturbed me at times, especially the fact that he had her photos all over the walls of Den. Just no. Love for your parents is wholeheartedly well and good, but the sexual undertone and his jealousy towards his father were just not okay.

As for what happened to Terry, it seems she had only been a prop for shock value, then her entire incident was swept under the rug. If there were some way to somehow redeem Adam for her death (not sure how), then it would have helped for sure, considering that Terry is the reason why I do not like or connect with Adam -- who is meant to be the main protagonist.
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Post by DEEPA PUJARI »

I totally agree. This is one of the few books where I hated the protagonist.
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Post by 4njhe »

There are a few things I would do differently. 1. I would not have Dauma merge in this book knowing there are two more after it. I might have done it in the 2nd book. 2. I would not dragged out as far as Adam learning and mastering his powers. Iand 3. I would have Adam learn about some of his powers during fights.
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Post by Maconstewart »

leareiler wrote: 03 Mar 2020, 12:30 I agree, I would also take away Adam's fixation with his mother. But I would either take out the Terry situation entirely, or give justice to her. I think that the message it would send to readers (or the message that it is sending to readers) if Adam was able to "redeem" himself is that if you change your character enough to be like-able, then the harm, abuse, etc., you've done to others is excusable and doesn't ever need revisiting. It is a dangerous message to send, and one that we should not be sending today, what with the MeToo movement.
I agree! This is not the message that needs to be sent in any context or genre. It is too dangerous and appalling that this behavior could EVER be excused.
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Post by edztan15 »

S1234 wrote: 07 Mar 2020, 06:13 The first half feels like a diary. I kind of would have liked more dialogue at the start.
That's exactly my thoughts when I was reading this book. It could have used a bit of editing in the beginning and maybe turn down the oedipus complex a notch.
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Post by Sumansona1344 »

I would try to make him more romantic in his relationship with Carly. The reason is that he seemed dangerous at numerous times and he was behaving as a toxic person. I would like to change his toxic behaviour which will show the reader's Adam's sweet side which came out due to his love for Carly.
This will give a sweet and loving touch to the story rather than making the readers uncomfortable due to his toxic behaviour.
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Post by Little Muse »

I would give closure to Terry's death. The teenage girl was just left there to die without Adam getting punished for it or feeling guilty.
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Post by booksandmagicshop »

I didn't have a problem with Adam having his feeling towards JoAnn at the beginning. I had an issue with how those sexual feelings magically disappeared after he found out it was just the serum causing it. It just turned off like a switch, for both JoAnn and Adam. I also wish Terry had more of a resolution; I wasn't a fan of how Carly just pushed it aside when there were so many indicators of Adam being involved.
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Post by Fi Zoraa »

S1234 wrote: 03 Mar 2020, 10:03 Spoiler alert

I feel like a lot of people, myself included, struggled through this story because of Adam's fixation with JoAnn, despite there being an explanation. Do you think it would have been more enjoyable for the target audience if this specific part was not part of the plot? And if he was able to redeem himself for what happened to Terry?

What would you do differently to improve your impression of this story?

I would take away the JoAnn fixation and include a chance for him to redeem himself after what happened to Terry.
I feel like if it was known that JoAnn wasn't his biological mother would've been easier to understand Adam's feelings. I think I would've changed the way they handled the death of Terry. It deserved to be properly addressed.
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Post by Radhika_puri »

I would change the part where he took away Terry to the den instead he should just make her a good friend. As she was the first girl he liked. Later I would have added something about his liking for Terry in the story.
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Post by Barbie_sidhu »

The story of Terry was little out of track for me so if I would have to change anything that would have been Terry.
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Post by Dominika S »

His fixation with Jo at the start was very off putting at the start but i felt like in the end that got explained and therefore i was able to overlook it. However he should've faced bigger repercussions for what he did to Terry as she didn't do anything wrong. It seemed like she was such a big part of the book at the start that i thought there would be closure for her family about her death, but that part of the plot seemed to get thrown out even though Carly and Dauma both knew about what had happened. If i could change one aspect of this book, it would definitely be how the Terry situation got handled.
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Post by Abigail Klinkerman »

Odette Chace wrote: 15 Mar 2020, 18:41 Spoiler Alert

There are many things I would change in this story. I agree that Adam's relationship with JoAnn should have been more wholesome. I may or may not cut the scene with Terry as well because I feel like his mental space was apparent even without any added sexual frustration. It takes a lot to unironically refer to your peers as "animals." Plus, I already thought he was delusional when he was carrying around a book about telekinesis in high school.

If I was writing this book, I would also rewrite the entire thing in past tense and change the ending. How on earth did they know where to go in Greenland? It's kind of a big place. There's more I would change as well, but those are a few starters.
I totally agree with rewriting the book in the past tenses. The present tense kind of threw me off and sometimes disconnected me from the moment.
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Post by banevius »

Based on his fixation with his mother along with the brief mentions of him getting aroused at different times, I felt like this missed the target audience and ended up landing for an audience eighteen or older. That's just my honest opinion. If the goal was to write this book for young adults, the mother fixation and the references to arousal, etc should've been omitted.
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