heritage & mothers

Use this forum to discuss the March 2020 Book of the month, "House of Eire" by June Gillam.
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Hester3
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Re: heritage & mothers

Post by Hester3 »

Our own upbringing is the only example we have of how to be a parent, so having to grow up without a mother can make it very difficult to have self-confidence in one's own parenting abilities. I think the author did a good job of describing the insecurities and developing Hillary's character.
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Post by WardahEbrahim »

Twylla wrote: 01 Mar 2020, 09:14 Hillary's ability to deal with her abandonment by her mother, made her a better mother in my opinion. It was interesting that she was afraid of repeating her mother's behavior when she had not been influenced by her for most of her childhood. I admired the way she made up her mind not to repeat her own mothers mistakes.
I agree. The fact that she was conscious about her parenting style is praiseworthy. However I think she became obsessed and there's a fault in that too.
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Clemens Nickleby wrote: 29 Mar 2020, 15:06
AntonelaMaria wrote: 26 Mar 2020, 12:49
Clemens Nickleby wrote: 23 Mar 2020, 15:03
Interesting. As an imperfect human, I have made many mistakes, but never received a pass for my mistakes or my good intentions either! Mistakes still hurt! Claire was still abused despite her mother's feelings or intentions. In the end, it was her actions that saved her daughter. Being able to recognize a mistake, own it, apologize for it and make amends somehow. Not deny it or run to a fig leaf such as, 'none of us is perfect' or 'it wasn't my fault.' What made Hillary a great Mom in my estimation is that she was willing to take on a psychopathic predator who attacked her child. She put feet to her feelings and intentions. I fear if she had sat at home wishing, things might not have turned out so well for Claire. Although having a new acquaintance with an axe for backup in a pitch-dark castle doesn't rank real high on the good-judgement meter, no matter how many mad ninja skills you might have. Hillary was like her mother in many ways, she just chose different actions. Which is a comfort I think to those struggling with inadequacy or insecurity. ( Who doesn't?) You might be a carbon-copy spittin' image of your mother, warts and all, and still make a different choice. I have to say that the other part of this experience is that, even if you make a 'good choice' it still may not always have a 'good outcome'. But you try, nevertheless! All that to say, maybe actions over intentions???
Every human being is imperfect. IMO. I have meant as a written character Hillary is written as such imperfect human which makes her more realistic. Instead what authors often do...they write these black or white characters, which is unrealistic and unbelievable to me as a reader. Now on to a real-life ... I do believe intentions matter. Sure, we all make mistakes. No one is given a manual for life. But seeing our mistakes and wanting to do better, learn from it...it must count for something ...for us a human being..to grow... Now that is obviously generalized. Of course, actions speak louder than words.

interesting with the "even if you make a 'good choice' it still may not always have a 'good outcome'. But you try, nevertheless! "
point. I do agree. We do often have good intentions but sh*t happens. I would say action and intentions over apathy. Not caring is ultimate of giving up. On the person, relationship, life.
Exactly so. I agree with you about imperfect characters being more believable. A story is an alternative universe where authors and readers can test out ideas, consequences, beliefs. Black and white is only good for text. The actions of the character, or person in real life, is the pivot on which the plot turns. And Oh, the places we'll go! Ultimately, we get defined by what we do, and maybe the most heroic of heroes is a hero because their intentions and their actions align, not because they are ultimately successful. Because yes, the crapola happens. :doh:
Well, one thing is for sure and that is that you gave some food for the brain...sooo THANK YOU!! I guess in life we have to hope for the best but be ready for the worst. And yes often we don't succeed. I am also wondering thinking about your mentioning heroes. How more often then not we are just protagonists in our stories and rarely heroes. Big difference. As mentioned you did got me thinking.
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Post by AntonelaMaria »

WardahEbrahim wrote: 30 Mar 2020, 14:28
Twylla wrote: 01 Mar 2020, 09:14 Hillary's ability to deal with her abandonment by her mother, made her a better mother in my opinion. It was interesting that she was afraid of repeating her mother's behavior when she had not been influenced by her for most of her childhood. I admired the way she made up her mind not to repeat her own mothers mistakes.
I agree. The fact that she was conscious about her parenting style is praiseworthy. However I think she became obsessed and there's a fault in that too.
Oh yeah. I would say that being such a contradiction is never good. I think that the author maybe is planing to revolved her next book about Hillary's relationship with her mother.
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Post by tsh1001 »

I think having an absent mother either makes you STRONGER as a mother, trying to fill the void and more, or sometimes can doom you to the same fate...not having the emotional strength to be a mother yourself. Its always nice when it's the former.
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Post by Kansas City Teacher »

ElizaBeth Adams wrote: 02 Mar 2020, 10:46 Hillary's baggage connected to her motherly heritage is something I can relate to, albeit in a different context. My mother died young, and I have faced fears of feeling like I would also die young; that somehow I was cursed and history was doomed to repeat itself. Hillary seems to fear that she is doomed to repeat her mother's actions. In reality, she has a choice as to whether or not she abandons her daughter, but she feels like she doesn't have a choice.
I can understand what you're saying, but in (yet another ) different context. My own mother was very stern and strict and I told myself I wouldn't do that to my own kids. But like Hilary, I felt I like I would repeat this to my own kids and catch myself saying the same negative things to them. I can 100% relate to her (and you).
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Post by María Andrea Fernández Sepúlveda »

Motherhood is, perhaps, the hardest of jobs but I think Hillary did her best and was doing a great job. Her nightmares obviously reflect she's still not over what happened with her mother and she is afraid of making the same mistakes but, clearly, she won't. I think having lost her own mother made Hillary realize the importance of family and that's also why she placed so much importance on looking through her family history and on appreciating unofficial family members as Sarah and Bridget.
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Post by J_odoyo »

I think Hillary was a good mom. Throughout the book I could see her trying her best in bringing up Claire. Just like many others do confirm, our past may haunt us sometimes and even to influence they way we behave, but not for everyone.
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Post by Laura Lee »

Hester3 wrote: 30 Mar 2020, 02:03 Our own upbringing is the only example we have of how to be a parent, so having to grow up without a mother can make it very difficult to have self-confidence in one's own parenting abilities. I think the author did a good job of describing the insecurities and developing Hillary's character.
You raise a good point, but I wonder if how we respond is directly related to our personality types. For example, I would think that a caring mother would read parenting books if she didn't know how to parent rather than wallow in insecurity. But then, that's my reaction. I don't suppose everyone reacts the exact same way.
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Post by Laura Lee »

tsh1001 wrote: 01 Apr 2020, 11:09 I think having an absent mother either makes you STRONGER as a mother, trying to fill the void and more, or sometimes can doom you to the same fate...not having the emotional strength to be a mother yourself. Its always nice when it's the former.
I really think it depends on the person. Some people use what they lacked in childhood as an excuse. Others, as inspiration to do better by their own children. Of course, none of us are perfect, but I've seen both types of parents.
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Post by eliviac35 »

Twylla wrote: 01 Mar 2020, 09:14 Hillary's ability to deal with her abandonment by her mother, made her a better mother in my opinion. It was interesting that she was afraid of repeating her mother's behavior when she had not been influenced by her for most of her childhood. I admired the way she made up her mind not to repeat her own mothers mistakes.
I love this point of view. I don’t see Hillary as insecure - I see her as determined.
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Post by kdstrack »

Her mother's abandonment hung over Hillary like a dark cloud. It was a traumatic experience that marked her entire life. She was almost obsessive about not repeating her mother's mistake. It makes one wonder how much Claire would imitate of her mother in her children.
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Post by M Deedee »

I think it was just 'expected' for Hilary to feel she is inadequate and always conscious of being a good mother. First of all most mothers always want to be a good mother even those that are not. And the fact that Hilary was abandoned by her own mother makes her more conscious of not being a replica.
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Post by Kia »

Laura Lee wrote: 10 Apr 2020, 20:23
Hester3 wrote: 30 Mar 2020, 02:03 Our own upbringing is the only example we have of how to be a parent, so having to grow up without a mother can make it very difficult to have self-confidence in one's own parenting abilities. I think the author did a good job of describing the insecurities and developing Hillary's character.
You raise a good point, but I wonder if how we respond is directly related to our personality types. For example, I would think that a caring mother would read parenting books if she didn't know how to parent rather than wallow in insecurity. But then, that's my reaction. I don't suppose everyone reacts the exact same way.
I think you're probably onto something. There are many people who grow up with either absent or inadequate parents who turn out to be incredible parents themselves. On the flip side, there are many people who had wonderful parents who (for whatever reason) don't do a good job raising their own kids. While I agree that how we are raised often impacts how we parent, there are obviously many other factors.
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Post by JKO »

I mean, anyone who is abandoned by his/her mother at a young age would always feel inadequate as he/she grows up. I wasn't surprised to see how Hillary struggled but I think she did just fine with her daughter.
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