Official Review: Above The Forgotten World by Eric J. Lopez

[Nathrad Sheare]

[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Above The Forgotten World" by Eric J. Lopez.]

---

Share This Review

---

Some short stories just should be novels. Eric J. Lopez' "Above the Forgotten World" is packed with action, people, and philosophy. The story's theme is simple- an uprising against dictatorship in a world of metal and illusion built after the end of civilization on Earth- yet its unfolding is anything but. After the first two pages, a reader is swept up into the cruelty of a psychopath, one Mark Aspen, who possesses an ability to manipulate the minds of thousands into sustaining the belief that, of all things, he is the Almighty God. Within the confines of his creative masterpiece- a sphere of steel and glass set within the planet's orbit where food, water, and shelter are the results of a genius for technological innovation that never rests- a woman named Elisa, a teacher, is one of Aspen's devoted followers. She tells her students about how great he is, how deserving, wise. She's convinced he has rescued mankind and, even at her own expense- more specifically, the murder of her parents- has bettered and blessed her race with his existence. Then, one fine day, she's asked by a friend to engage in a bit of charity work. Her task is to carry a few goods to the, shall we say, "undesirable folk" of the community, among whom are not a few who resent the professed "God- King" for his treatment of them as examples to their peers. Elisa gets caught in one of their demonstrations and is arrested as a rioter. A torture chamber, the coercion of one of her students, the death of her friend, and the loss of a lawsuit against Aspen ("God doesn't make mistakes," says the judge) end up making her the antagonist's antagonist, and down the world comes tumbling. In the final moments of the story, Elisa is left to wonder if the death of a civilization deceived is the worthy cost of knowing and proving the truth.

I don't mean to be a fussbudget, but the substance of the plot is just too, well, substantial to be contained within twenty- six pages! There are three general characters that need developing: Elisa, Mark Aspen, and the revolutionists. There's not enough space between the shootings, tortures, chases, destruction, and the philosophical passages for the completion and complication of their characters. Furthermore the events are too many for a short story. Each one has to be made significant and satisfying. There aren't pages enough here for that to be done.

I don't know if anyone has ever written fiction on flash cards, but it was as if I'd encountered that kind of thing when I read this first. I began and finished in twenty minutes and almost found myself thinking, "Whoa, what just happened?" Memory- A writer certainly DOES want to appeal to it. To get into the deepest parts of a reader's memory, a writer has to use prose that reads with flow and comfort, not speed and sudden stops. A good read should be like a ride in a Cadillac with a skilled driver. The turns, the stops, and the transitions from one level of acceleration to the next should feel smooth... like floating on the wind.

Some less significant issues I have with this draft are the spelling errors, the misuse of several words, and, in the first few pages, inconsistent tense. Professionalism calls for intricate editing- though, I guess, the necessity for prompt publishing sometimes shadows that part of the writing process.

I'll repeat what I wrote above: This story should be a novel, though a novella might provide sufficient space, I think, for the full development of its themes and characters. Some of the imagery was nice, I have to say, such as the picture of the city at the time of day when its artificial foundation and frame could be seen through all the projections and other computer- operated simulations. More like it would be a great pleasure. The story, itself, is one that could be a good seller, I believe. Lopez just needs to give himself some breathing room. I rate this draft two out of four stars.

***
Buy "Above The Forgotten World" on Amazon
Buy "Above The Forgotten World" on Barnes and Noble