Official Review: Planet of the herakoses by Nawazish Ali

[LivreAmour217]

[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Planet of the herakoses" by Nawazish Ali.]

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In the distant future, a series of natural disasters on planet Earth has forced humans to take to the cosmos in search of habitable planets. One particular planet, known for its population of enormous birds of prey called herakoses, is a particularly promising world on which humans can rebuild. With extensive help from the governmental institutions that have remained on Earth, the planet is colonized, and over time begins to thrive. But then a supernova destroys the remaining inhabitants of Earth, and the colony is thrown into chaos. Over several millennia, the once-unified society degrades to a planet of fragmented nations living in quasi-medieval conditions. The knowledge of the technology that brought humans to this planet is largely lost, and a new, polytheistic form of religion dominates the cultural and political landscape.

Planet of the Herakoses tells the story of the descendants of the colonists. The main character is Mekaul, a young hunter from a community along a major trade route. Tired of small town life, Mekaul is restless and wishes to explore the world. His opportunity to do so arrives with the appearance of Denrik, a travelling scholar seeking to unravel the mysteries of humanity's pre-colonial ancestors. With his father's blessing, Mekaul joins Denrik, and the two arrange travel with an aspiring merchant named Hiraum. With his companions, Mekaul treks across dense forests, rugged mountains, and a vast desert to reach Ashewara, one of the planet's most powerful nations. Along the way, he becomes entangled in a centuries-old religious rivalry between the desert tribes and the queen of Ashewara, and ends up an unwilling player in the political intrigues of the feuding parties.

Although I admire the author's creativity, I have to say that Planet of the Herakoses needs quite a bit of improvement. The most obvious problem with this book is that it is filled with grammatical errors of all kinds: misspellings, run-on sentences, misplaced commas, and incorrectly conjugated verbs, just to name a few. There is also an overuse of certain words and phrases to describe the settings. For example, the author uses the phrase "dense vegetation" to describe the natural environment on multiple occasions.

I was also disappointed by the lack of description given for the planet's flora and fauna. The author gave the names of the many plants and animals encountered within the book, but I was unable to get a clear picture of these life forms due to the scant (or sometimes nonexistent) details. Furthermore, I was a little bothered by the fact that the planet itself, along with two of its three moons, was never given a name. The author took the time to name each of the settlements, rivers, and various geographic locations, so why was no proper name even given to the world itself? In my opinion, the lack of a name for the planet contributed significantly to the overall incomplete feel of the book.

Additionally, I believe that the first half of the book needs revision. In this section, there are many instances in which the author gives tedious "play by play" descriptions of the characters engaging in mundane tasks, such as hunting, eating meals, and settling into their beds. I really feel that these descriptions were not always necessary, and that many of them should be condensed or removed entirely.

However, I will say that the latter half of the book showed promise, and even became enjoyable to read. In this section, the tedium vanished and the plot became interesting. I also noticed that the writing improved dramatically after I reached the halfway point. In fact, the difference was so striking that I felt as though I was reading an entirely different book.

I am giving Planet of the Herakoses 2 out of 4 stars because I do believe, in spite of my criticisms, that the storyline has potential. I would not recommend this book in its current state, however.

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[jhollan2]

Thank you for your review. I am intrigued by your description of this book and the world that the author seems to have built, although it sounds fairly similar to other science fiction like Avatar. It is always a shame when good plots are ruined by a lack of editing and work polishing a novel, which is what it sounds like happened here. If I come across this book, I might read it, but it doesn't seem worth going out of my way to buy.

[LivreAmour217]

Thank you for your feedback, jhollan2! Yes, it is a shame about the lack of editing. I felt kind of bad for giving the book a negative review, as I believe that the author is probably an excellent storyteller, just not the best writer. I wish him the best and hope that something good will come from my review.

[jhollan2]

I struggle with this too when I write my own reviews. I want to be positive and encouraging, but I also think that it is important to be honest and let the authors know what doesn't work, so they can improve as they continue writing. I think you did a great job of keeping it professional and kind, but also letting readers know what they are facing and the author know what needs to be worked on in the future.

[Nawazish Ali]

Dear jhollan2,
I thank you for your time and the trouble that you took to review my book and I feel that I have learned a lot from you review and your frank opinion. But still I think that there is some arguments that I have to put for the way this novel is written, which I must admit is not a great work of literature.
First is that I have checked every word that I have used through Ms word and I am at loss to understand how I have used so many misspellings, although I readily admit that this book needs some professional editing which I can't afford at the present.
My second argument is that although the language I have used is not to your liking and my choice of words also is liked by you but I have tried to use rather simple and direct stances to convey my meaning and the language is not overly elaborate.
And I have not given this planet a specific name because the inhabitants of that planet would refer to it as our world as they have not known another, as the people of our world call it planet earth but the earth also means the lands that walk on. So my point is that for the people of the Planet of the herakoses it was their world and they would call it such.
You have a valid point that I have not given detailed description of the flora and fauna of this planet but for that I needed to create a rather elaborate scheme of all the species of that planet and also I would need to familiarize my readers with that scheme but that would take much space and would slow the story down and would make it a tedious exercise in alien natural history.
Having said all of this I thank you for your time and effort that you gave to my novel.
Yours
Nawazish Ali

[jhollan2]

Dear jhollan2,
I thank you for your time and the trouble that you took to review my book and I feel that I have learned a lot from you review and your frank opinion. But still I think that there is some arguments that I have to put for the way this novel is written, which I must admit is not a great work of literature.
First is that I have checked every word that I have used through Ms word and I am at loss to understand how I have used so many misspellings, although I readily admit that this book needs some professional editing which I can't afford at the present.
My second argument is that although the language I have used is not to your liking and my choice of words also is liked by you but I have tried to use rather simple and direct stances to convey my meaning and the language is not overly elaborate.
And I have not given this planet a specific name because the inhabitants of that planet would refer to it as our world as they have not known another, as the people of our world call it planet earth but the earth also means the lands that walk on. So my point is that for the people of the Planet of the herakoses it was their world and they would call it such.
You have a valid point that I have not given detailed description of the flora and fauna of this planet but for that I needed to create a rather elaborate scheme of all the species of that planet and also I would need to familiarize my readers with that scheme but that would take much space and would slow the story down and would make it a tedious exercise in alien natural history.
Having said all of this I thank you for your time and effort that you gave to my novel.
Yours
Nawazish Ali

Nawazish,

The book was actually reviewed by LivreAmour217. I just read her review and commented on it.

[LivreAmour217]

jhollan2 wrote:

The book was actually reviewed by LivreAmour217. I just read her review and commented on it.

Thank you for clarifying this, jhollan2! And I'm sorry that I wasn't the first one to see it!

-- 15 Nov 2014, 18:06 --

To Nawazish Ali,

Thank you for reading my review and responding in a kind manner. I really do not like writing negative reviews, and I am sincere when I say that your story has potential, but I had to be honest. I appreciate your rebuttal to some of the main points of my review, and I respect your opinion. The only thing I would suggest to you is to not rely too heavily on Microsoft Word for your editing. I know from personal experience that the software is not very reliable. I realize that you cannot hire a professional editor at this time, but perhaps you could ask a family member or friend to look it over. A second pair of eyes can do wonders for anyone's writing!

Again, thank you very much for reading my review.

Best wishes,

LivreAmour217

[Kappy]

Good review. This sounds like a storyline that could have come from the late, great Clifford D. Simak. But good writing technique is at least as important as a good storyline. I'm glad to see an author who admits he needs improvement.

[LivreAmour217]

Good review. This sounds like a storyline that could have come from the late, great Clifford D. Simak. But good writing technique is at least as important as a good storyline. I'm glad to see an author who admits he needs improvement.

Thank you, Kappy! Yes, a good storyline cannot make up for poor writing. But I have an optimistic view of this author, and I think he will improve over time. He seems very motivated!