A socially anxious newbie puts exposure therapy to the test

Use this forum to discuss the August 2020 Book of the month, " Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress: A Practical Guide" by Gustavo Kinrys, MD.
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Joseph_ngaruiya
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Re: A socially anxious newbie puts exposure therapy to the test

Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

FS60 wrote: 12 Aug 2020, 04:52 djr6090 wrote:
> My advice is to live in the day. Projecting failure is a sure road to
> stress. And your decision to 'put ourself out there' is a step in the
> right direction. Congrats.

Yes, if you want to move forward in the life then you have to learn how to live in the present, right at the moment. Take the most out of the present time and stop blaming yourself or repenting past failures.
Living in the current moment keeps you focused on the important goals. By doing so, anxiety fades out and confidence takes its place.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Ana Victoria2002 wrote: 12 Aug 2020, 07:21 Dominik_G wrote:
> First of all, congratulations on facing your fear of social interaction,
> and posting anyway!
>
> In my opinion, the book does offer lots of methods and techniques which are
> at least worth a try. I generally find meditation and exercising to be the
> most useful tools when fighting anxiety but I have to admit, I don't
> practice either of them as often as I feel like I should. Reading this book
> gave me a push in this regard.
>
> As for the advice, I think you're already doing the best you can do: you're
> present and actively making yourself participate in social interactions. I
> do believe the more you do it, the easier it'll get. Starting it here,
> discussing exactly the topic of anxiety seems like an ideal, safe first
> step.

I totally agree with you. Exercise has always been something that makes me forget about certain topics that stress me and also helps me to stay healthy bot physically and mentally. However I must admit that with the entire pandemic I feel so unmotivated to workout even something as simple as cycling or doing yoga.
The current pandemic has caused stressful moments and uncertainty. At such moments moods go low, and as recommended by Gustavo it’s better to try the remedies given.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Sjtoy wrote: 12 Aug 2020, 13:21 I also get nervous when posting. I read and re-read so many times before I actually hit submit. For me, the more I post, the easier it gets. In terms of managing my own stress and anxiety, I try to exercise or do yoga a few times a week. During a specific stressful moment, I will use breathing or grounding techniques.
Getting anxious before sending a comment to a post can also be positive. It makes you rethink why you want to do it. Identifying the remedies that best suit you is important.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Howlan wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 03:09 FS60 wrote:
> Joseph_ngaruiya wrote:
> > I'm a fitness enthusiast, so exercising works best for me, it's also
> > recommended in this book. I will keep stacking up my cycling miles and
> > pushups done in a day. I'd advise you to spend at least 20 minutes every
> > morning to remind yourself of how unique you are, how blessed you are, and
> > what you can do to be better on that day. Later in the evening, just before
> > you sleep, sit on your bed, take 10 minutes, and reflect on how the day
> > went. After a few days, you'll notice a great improvement in your
> > confidence and self-esteem. I wish you all the best.
>
> I think yoga works best for stress management and relaxation.

Yes totally dependant upon the person you are talking. Some may find it relieving, others may feel that it is not helping them relieving their stress as they cannot concentrate. Whatever makes you comfortable is the key.
The biggest challenge is in finding a soft spot from your struggle with stress or anxiety. It’s challenging to accept the condition as it is.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Howlan wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 03:10 Ana Victoria2002 wrote:
> Dominik_G wrote:
> > First of all, congratulations on facing your fear of social interaction,
> > and posting anyway!
> >
> > In my opinion, the book does offer lots of methods and techniques which are
> > at least worth a try. I generally find meditation and exercising to be the
> > most useful tools when fighting anxiety but I have to admit, I don't
> > practice either of them as often as I feel like I should. Reading this book
> > gave me a push in this regard.
> >
> > As for the advice, I think you're already doing the best you can do: you're
> > present and actively making yourself participate in social interactions. I
> > do believe the more you do it, the easier it'll get. Starting it here,
> > discussing exactly the topic of anxiety seems like an ideal, safe first
> > step.
>
> I totally agree with you. Exercise has always been something that makes me forget
> about certain topics that stress me and also helps me to stay healthy bot physically
> and mentally. However I must admit that with the entire pandemic I feel so
> unmotivated to workout even something as simple as cycling or doing yoga.

Yes, me too. Exercise is something that gets me fired up. Running especially, getting the breeze on my face is something I really look forward to and calms me down.
Exercise is a core tool in combating stress and anxiety. It works for me too. Do you have an exercise you find more effective than the rest?
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Howlan wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 03:12 FS60 wrote:
> Howlan wrote:
> > As far as the book goes stress management is really great advice in this
> > book. Knowing what causes stress and countering the problem is great way to
> > handle anxiety and helps you move forward. In today's situation to stress
> > management is critical and essential to get rid of the negative thoughts
> > and putting in your best every day.
>
>
> This is a great point. This therapy probes the underlying cause of stress and then
> treat anxiety from its roots through a gradual process. When you get to know what
> really causes stress and anxiety, then alleviating symptoms becomes easier by
> changing direction of negative thoughts to some good purpose.

Yes, stress management is really an important topic that the author has described in this book. Mapping out your thoughts and behavior and understand the causes of stress is simple yet bery effective.
Actually, I believe sourcing out the triggers is comparatively important than identifying the stress itself.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Howlan wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 03:14 Joseph_ngaruiya wrote:
> Ana Victoria2002 wrote:
> > Dominik_G wrote:
> > > First of all, congratulations on facing your fear of social interaction,
> > > and posting anyway!
> > >
> > > In my opinion, the book does offer lots of methods and techniques which are
> > > at least worth a try. I generally find meditation and exercising to be the
> > > most useful tools when fighting anxiety but I have to admit, I don't
> > > practice either of them as often as I feel like I should. Reading this book
> > > gave me a push in this regard.
> > >
> > > As for the advice, I think you're already doing the best you can do: you're
> > > present and actively making yourself participate in social interactions. I
> > > do believe the more you do it, the easier it'll get. Starting it here,
> > > discussing exactly the topic of anxiety seems like an ideal, safe first
> > > step.
> >
> > I totally agree with you. Exercise has always been something that makes me
> forget
> > about certain topics that stress me and also helps me to stay healthy bot
> physically
> > and mentally. However I must admit that with the entire pandemic I feel so
> > unmotivated to workout even something as simple as cycling or doing yoga.
> Sorry about your current stressful situation that has been brought by the pandemic.
> If you attach working out to a higher goal than yourself, you'll always find the
> motivation to do it. You can set the goal of "getting healthier" instead of
> "exercising to stay fit or feel good."
>
> Sorry about your current stressful situation that has been brought by the pandemic.
> If you attach working out to a higher goal than yourself, you'll always find the
> motivation to do it. You can set the goal of "getting healthier" instead of
> "exercising to stay fit or feel good."

Yes, setting a higher goal can be useful. Another thing you can do just do something you enjoy doing and then attach it to something you want to do. This can bring back the motivation. However, you should really focus n what you like to do to relieve your stress rather than force yourself.
I call it the gifting phenomenal. It requires you to attach a stressful moment to one that you triumphed. The results are motivating and moving.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Howlan wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 03:16 Joseph_ngaruiya wrote:
> Zee_Zee wrote:
> > AntonelaMaria wrote:
> > > Amazing job on putting yourself out there and facing your fears. Bravo! I
> > > hope that others will be inspired with you.
> > > I wouldn't say that this book brought anything new to my life but mainly
> > > because I did read a lot on these subjects. But it sums up a lot of things
> > > pretty nicely so I think it can be very useful. I like breathing exercises.
> > > They have been very helpful when I feel overwhelmed.
> >
> > Breathing exercise works for me too. Sometimes, I try to count backwards.
> Putting
> > yourself out there and facing your fears helps. It worked for me. At some point,
> > you'd realize that the fear is gone. You've done amazingly well!
>
> I agree with you. I've also noticed that when you break from your cocoon of self-talk
> and seek assistance from friends and relatives, the burden becomes lighter.

It not only becomes lighter but you gain confidence from speaking aloud. Rather than just ignoring the world around you talking to someone you enjoy can really help you gain confidence.
It’s true that speaking to someone helps, but finding the right person to share your issues with should be approached with caution.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Thea Frederick wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 20:37 Yeah, I think a great way to free yourself of your stress is to face it and expose yourself to it.
A psychologist I know says the most effective form of therapy is exposure therapy, and it is certainly not the most fun!
Facing your fears and actually diving into them to make yourself anxious (and thereby overcoming your anxiety by repeatedly exposing yourself to the things which cause you anxiety) it terrifying! And it makes you incredibly anxious, of course.
But it works, if you are consistent and committed. :-)
Exposure therapy is a demanding task. Facing your fears requires tenacity and assurance. Gustavo has explained ways to do it safely. An example is visiting places.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by difu »

It is very important to confront our fears everyday. Putting yourself out here is very impressive and I hope we all would be brave in confronting our daily fears. It is also important we understand stress management because our anxiety is at the highest whenever we confront our fears. Personally, dancing helps me relax more.
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Post by Drianie »

I have always been a socially anxious person. My preferred method of dealing with anxiety has always been to avoid anything stressful as far as I possibly could. Since I married my extremely social husband 5 years ago, it has been an uphill battle to accommodate our different personalities and responses to social events. I love the way he challenges me to do things I never even would consider, and he gets me out of my exceedingly large comfort zone. Although I love this exposure, the anxiety never goes away and it has always bothered me that I rely on him too much to help me deal with my social anxiety. I struggled to get to the point where I loved myself and accepted myself for who I am, even though I am different and really difficult to communicate with. This book has helped me to learn more about myself. It has also reminded me that I am not alone and that others deal with the same stress and anxiety that I do. Not only do I have all this information, but actual practical methods that I can incorporate in my life. I look forward to experimenting and trying out the different methods to help me manage my stress and anxiety and even overcome it.
“Take responsibility for your own stress by admitting that your reactions are the problem and that these reactions can only be solved by you and no-one else.”
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Post by MsH2k »

Congrats on not only posting a message on a forum but posting a TOPIC—welcome! You are giving us a real-time execution of the cognitive-behavioral therapy chapter. :handgestures-thumbupright:

In this book, I was hoping to find out how to keep my mind from getting distracted when I begin meditating. I tried focusing on my breathing, but I wasn’t sure how long to do it. On page 110, the authors advise to “Focus on and count your breath: inhаlе tо a соunt оf six, hold for two bеаtѕ, and then еxhаlе through уоur mоuth tо a соunt оf four. Rереаt this exercise twеntу timеѕ.” I’m going to try this tomorrow.
"Knowing what must be done does away with fear."
Rosa Parks
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Post by rowan_bourne »

As someone who has experienced extreme social anxiety before, I am glad you are confronting your fears (as advised by in the book). I can feel you when you said that even in posting in online forums make you anxious. I myself feel pressure and stress when I try to communicate to my classmates and teachers for online class.
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Post by prachi29 »

It is easy to say that 'when life throws a lemon at you, make a lemonade'. But in reality, it is not so easy to make that lemonade. I think that this book may not be able to make lemonade for you but instead, it can give you the recipe of the lemonade. I am proud of you and you should come forward and face your fears like now.
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Post by Thea Frederick »

Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 31 Aug 2020, 19:07
Thea Frederick wrote: 13 Aug 2020, 20:37 Yeah, I think a great way to free yourself of your stress is to face it and expose yourself to it.
A psychologist I know says the most effective form of therapy is exposure therapy, and it is certainly not the most fun!
Facing your fears and actually diving into them to make yourself anxious (and thereby overcoming your anxiety by repeatedly exposing yourself to the things which cause you anxiety) it terrifying! And it makes you incredibly anxious, of course.
But it works, if you are consistent and committed. :-)
Exposure therapy is a demanding task. Facing your fears requires tenacity and assurance. Gustavo has explained ways to do it safely. An example is visiting places.
Oh yes! Very difficult indeed! I have never experienced anything harder.
-Thea M. Frederick
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