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Posted: **18 Sep 2020, 09:47**

I am not very comfortable using the word 'surrogate' to define their relationship.

In a way, each of them filled a void in each other's life. Lena got a granddaughter she could take care of. Maureen got a friend she can always go to for advice. Kalayla got a grandmother who truly cared and loved her.
They each got emotional or monetary support. Now, you can always measure monetary support but how do you measure emotional support?
This book is a good example of the fact that you can find family anywhere.

Posted: **20 Sep 2020, 02:19**

Zee_Zee wrote: ↑17 Sep 2020, 01:11 I found it amazing that though not related by blood, three of them came together, formed a strong bond and impacted each other's life. I cannot quantify what each of them got from the relationship.

Yes, The three women bonded very well. I don’t think it is right to quantify what one benefits from a relationship because people look out for different baselines in relationships. In the book, they all got support from each other financially and that can be measured but. They also supported themselves emotionally by helping themselves with advice and how can that be measured?

Posted: **20 Sep 2020, 15:41**

Zee_Zee wrote: ↑17 Sep 2020, 01:11 I found it amazing that though not related by blood, three of them came together, formed a strong bond and impacted each other's life. I cannot quantify what each of them got from the relationship.

Ify_Reviewer wrote: ↑18 Sep 2020, 07:22 I think In relationships what really matters is equity and not equality. It's really not about who gets more or less. It's about receiving the much you need.

I think each of the characters got the exact measure they needed from the relationship.

It wasn't quantity I was thinking about so much as 'what' each of them got from the relationship and whether anyone thought it was at all 'lopsided' in the support they needed/received. I agree that quantifying a relationship like you would a monetary amount is difficult, if not impossible. The characters did form a strong bond that, in my opinion, was much like a 'familial' bond and gave each what they needed as individuals in a true family. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts!

Posted: **21 Sep 2020, 00:18**

I don't think you can really measure what each got in the relationship. I do believe they all had something to contribute and in some way, influenced each other's lives even in ways they didn't know.

Posted: **21 Sep 2020, 23:10**

The surrogate mother and grandmother role that Lena portrayed in Kalayla's and Maureen's life was needed. Lena gave Maureen real advice about making sure that Kalayla was in school and not running the streets , and I like how she told Maureen to stop crying and blaming everybody, especially when she got to take care of her own child. Lena made sure that Kalayla respected her mother - like a real grandmother do - and she just took care of her like my grandmother did me whenn my parents were at work and she made sure I did my homework and ate. Basically, Lena played the role of a mother that she wished she was for her kids and she was outspoken, gave wisdom, and also gave space when Maureen and Kalayla needed it.

Posted: **24 Sep 2020, 06:22**

What's more important is the positive impact the three women had on each other in the relationship. They all got a sense of satisfaction.

Posted: **24 Sep 2020, 08:57**

I think all three characters benefitted from one another and that is all that matters. Quantifying how much each benefitted would be impossible. The fact is they all needed each other to become better and together they succeeded.

Posted: **26 Sep 2020, 02:13**

There isn't a definite way one can measure the benefit of a relationship?. It is obvious that all of them benefit from the relationship which are: Love, trust, money, friendship etc?

Posted: **26 Sep 2020, 18:05**

dianaterrado wrote: ↑21 Sep 2020, 00:18 I don't think you can really measure what each got in the relationship. I do believe they all had something to contribute and in some way, influenced each other's lives even in ways they didn't know.

Luluwa79 wrote: ↑24 Sep 2020, 06:22 What's more important is the positive impact the three women had on each other in the relationship. They all got a sense of satisfaction.

The_Vivian wrote: ↑24 Sep 2020, 08:57 I think all three characters benefitted from one another and that is all that matters. Quantifying how much each benefitted would be impossible. The fact is they all needed each other to become better and together they succeeded.

Dayodiola wrote: ↑26 Sep 2020, 02:13 There isn't a definite way one can measure the benefit of a relationship?. It is obvious that all of them benefit from the relationship which are: Love, trust, money, friendship etc?

I agree that each of the three had something to contribute to the relationship, thus the 'familial' relationship I referred to. As happens in a blood-related family (or should), the personalities, knowledge, etc. that each put into the relationship helped to create a support system for all of them. Yes, it is almost impossible to quantify how much benefit one gets from a close bonds, but many relationships are one-sided, or lopsided. I don't believe that's the case with these three, but wondered how everyone else saw it. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it!

Posted: **26 Sep 2020, 18:10**

Dman_1996 wrote: ↑21 Sep 2020, 23:10 The surrogate mother and grandmother role that Lena portrayed in Kalayla's and Maureen's life was needed. Lena gave Maureen real advice about making sure that Kalayla was in school and not running the streets , and I like how she told Maureen to stop crying and blaming everybody, especially when she got to take care of her own child. Lena made sure that Kalayla respected her mother - like a real grandmother do - and she just took care of her like my grandmother did me whenn my parents were at work and she made sure I did my homework and ate. Basically, Lena played the role of a mother that she wished she was for her kids and she was outspoken, gave wisdom, and also gave space when Maureen and Kalayla needed it.

I like that point...that Lena played the role of the mother she wished she could have been for her children. I agree that was a large portion of the bond that formed between the three of them, Lena's 'ability to mother.' I thought she was a little harsh on Maureen, but perhaps that was what was needed at that point. It was certainly in line with the role Lena 'played' in Maureen's life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts; I appreciate it!

Posted: **01 Oct 2020, 15:30**

Surrogate or not they were mothers and they all benefitted from the relationship. I don't think there is a measure to what one can benefit from any relationship its always mutual.

Posted: **02 Oct 2020, 01:29**

It is difficult to quantify the amount of benefits or rewards each party derived from the relationship. What is established though is that they all benefitted and that is assuring to me.

Posted: **04 Oct 2020, 15:43**

Luluwa79 wrote: ↑24 Sep 2020, 06:22 What's more important is the positive impact the three women had on each other in the relationship. They all got a sense of satisfaction.

The_Vivian wrote: ↑24 Sep 2020, 08:57 I think all three characters benefitted from one another and that is all that matters. Quantifying how much each benefitted would be impossible. The fact is they all needed each other to become better and together they succeeded.

Dayodiola wrote: ↑26 Sep 2020, 02:13 There isn't a definite way one can measure the benefit of a relationship?. It is obvious that all of them benefit from the relationship which are: Love, trust, money, friendship etc?

fancyjg wrote: ↑01 Oct 2020, 15:30 Surrogate or not they were mothers and they all benefitted from the relationship. I don't think there is a measure to what one can benefit from any relationship its always mutual.

1femi1 wrote: ↑02 Oct 2020, 01:29 It is difficult to quantify the amount of benefits or rewards each party derived from the relationship. What is established though is that they all benefitted and that is assuring to me.

For the most part, I agree completely. The three characters all benefitted from their relationship with each other in various positive ways. Love, trust, money and friendship are all good 'measures' of a relationship, if there truly is such a thing. Unfortunately, I cannot agree that ALL relationships are completely mutual. On the contrary, many relationships seem to be far more beneficial on one side than the other. Just think about an abusive relationship, for example. Thus, my question of whether or not everyone thought the relationship was mutual and did each of the characters get what they needed from it.

Thanks so much to you all for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us!

Posted: **10 Oct 2020, 08:37**

I think each character got just what they need from the relationship, trying to quantify it is a difficult thing.

Posted: **10 Oct 2020, 18:38**

I think the relationships created were powerful and each held a unique quality that benefited each character. I agree with others that it can be difficult to measure, but I believe they can be seen positively. It was also a reciprocal benefit which is so meaningful.

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