Surrogate Family?

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
JeanyJean
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Re: Surrogate Family?

Post by JeanyJean »

The relationship was mutual,there were mutual benefits for both parties. Each party got what they really needed from the relationship
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Tonika632
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Post by Tonika632 »

I think their bond is the thing we should talk about. I don't like when someone wants to have some benefits from a certain relationship. That's not the point. The point is friendship and love.
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Lisa A Rayburn
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

imet123 wrote: 10 Oct 2020, 08:37 I think each character got just what they need from the relationship, trying to quantify it is a difficult thing.
Samantha Gayle wrote: 10 Oct 2020, 18:38 I think the relationships created were powerful and each held a unique quality that benefited each character. I agree with others that it can be difficult to measure, but I believe they can be seen positively. It was also a reciprocal benefit which is so meaningful.
I agree that what is gained from a relationship is difficult to quantify. In this case, each of our characters got what they needed from the relationships. Unfortunately, this doesn't always occur. Many relationships are very lopsided. One person gets far more out of it than the other or others. Just think about abusive relationships and you'll see what I mean. Thanks to you both for dropping in and sharing your thoughts!
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Post by JGretz-7 »

Friends are the family that you can choose for yourself. While Kalayla might not have initially thought she had a choice, she ultimately found the Old Lady to bring her a sense of comfort, peace, and guidance. Lena learned to forgive herself and allowed herself to live her life again. Maureen found someone she could trust to confide in and support her. It's a win all the way around.
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Post by Awesomeliker »

We can't really measure the bonds formed in a family in my opinion, but i do love the bond created between the three of them.
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Post by Beatus »

I believe anyone can interpret the relationship depending on how the story relates to them. Each character got what was needed in my opinion. Only an outsider can notice the "less or more". As far as they enjoyed themselves around each other and helped one another through a difficult time in their respective lives, I think that should be enough.
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Post by Readinggrl18 »

I think the relationship between Kalayla and Lena was evenly matched. They helped each other to grow and both received so much from the other. When it comes to the relationship between Maureen and Lena, I think Maureen received so much more from Lena than the other way around. She needed so much guidance as a mother and woman. That doesn't mean Lena didn't learn and grow through relationship with Maureen though. Relationships aren't about what you get but what you give.
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Lisa A Rayburn
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

JGretz-7 wrote: 12 Oct 2020, 20:12 Friends are the family that you can choose for yourself. While Kalayla might not have initially thought she had a choice, she ultimately found the Old Lady to bring her a sense of comfort, peace, and guidance. Lena learned to forgive herself and allowed herself to live her life again. Maureen found someone she could trust to confide in and support her. It's a win all the way around.
Awesomeliker wrote: 13 Oct 2020, 01:32 We can't really measure the bonds formed in a family in my opinion, but i do love the bond created between the three of them.
I've always liked that quote, and it is so true. Sometimes we just don't get along with our biological families or even no longer have them. Lena, Maureen, and Kaylala were able to find a new family in each other and support in a way they each needed. Fortunately, their relationship was at least fairly balanced (I personally think Maureen got a bit more out of it than the other two) and everyone was content within it.
Beatus wrote: 13 Oct 2020, 06:20 I believe anyone can interpret the relationship depending on how the story relates to them. Each character got what was needed in my opinion. Only an outsider can notice the "less or more". As far as they enjoyed themselves around each other and helped one another through a difficult time in their respective lives, I think that should be enough.
I agree that as outsiders we are able to more objectively see how level/mutual (or not) the relationship between the three characters was. Within the relationship interpretations would perforce be entirely subjective. They were successful in helping and supporting each other, and that was a win for all of them.

Thanks to all of you for dropping by and sharing your thoughts with us!
Books are my self-medication. 8)
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Paige Alvarado
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Post by Paige Alvarado »

I'm not sure I would call it a surrogate family. But you aren't wrong in saying that they had a close bond.

Kalayla got the support of another adult besides her mother, which is important for any child.
Maureen received help with Kalayla as well as sound advice from another mother.
Lena learned a lot about family and forgiveness. She also was kept on her toes by Miss Kalayla.
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Post by TheMazeRunner »

I think that no matter there is a real family or surrogate family, there should be love in the first place. Love makes everything possible, and therefore, every listed character should have something from it, someone more, someone less.
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Post by Praise George-kayode »

I dont think anything has to do with having a surrogate family. We shouldn't label surrogacy or stigmatize it rather we should deal with the problems.
The relationship getting stronger was independent of the type of family.
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Post by ElizaBeth Adams »

Maureen was disowned by her parents. Lena felt unsuccessful as a mother and had no relationship with the granddaughters she had. Taking on the surrogate relationships gave them all a sense of purpose and belonging. Finding a place where they could be successful bled over into their biological relationships as well, bringing further healing.
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Post by PeterRabitt20 »

Kelyn wrote: 01 Sep 2020, 20:48 What do you think about the psychological/sociological bonds that form between the three main characters? To me, despite the character's differing backgrounds, the relationships gradually formed into a type "surrogate" immediate family:

Lena - (surrogate) mother/ grand-mother

Maureen - Lena's (surrogate) daughter/ Kalayla's mother

Kalayla - Maureen's daughter/ Lena's (surrogate) grand-daughter

In your opinion, how did this satisfy the needs of each character? Did one character get more out of the relationship than the others? :eusa-think:
Since they seem not to have an immediate family, the surrogate relationship they created is important for all of them. For each character, having that missing family tie filled up by the other keeps each of them from something worse. In many ways, they are each other's emotional support, even though it might not always seem like it.
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Post by Amber_joslyn »

Kelyn wrote: 01 Sep 2020, 20:48 What do you think about the psychological/sociological bonds that form between the three main characters? To me, despite the character's differing backgrounds, the relationships gradually formed into a type "surrogate" immediate family:

Lena - (surrogate) mother/ grand-mother

Maureen - Lena's (surrogate) daughter/ Kalayla's mother

Kalayla - Maureen's daughter/ Lena's (surrogate) grand-daughter

In your opinion, how did this satisfy the needs of each character? Did one character get more out of the relationship than the others? :eusa-think:
I mean, I think that the three of them formed their own 'family'. I also think that they each learned something from their relationships and it was something that they needed to learn and go through at that time in their lives. Everything happens for a reason.
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Post by Raluca_Mihaila »

I think there are a lot of relationships that prove to be stronger than family ties. And this is something that happens every day. You forgot to mention Lena & Carlotta' relationship, which is the best example.
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