Surrogate Family?

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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Lisa A Rayburn
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Surrogate Family?

Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

What do you think about the psychological/sociological bonds that form between the three main characters? To me, despite the character's differing backgrounds, the relationships gradually formed into a type "surrogate" immediate family:

Lena - (surrogate) mother/ grand-mother

Maureen - Lena's (surrogate) daughter/ Kalayla's mother

Kalayla - Maureen's daughter/ Lena's (surrogate) grand-daughter

In your opinion, how did this satisfy the needs of each character? Did one character get more out of the relationship than the others? :eusa-think:
Books are my self-medication. 8)
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Post by Kola+wole »

I don't think what each of them put in and got out of the relationship can be measured in any way. I feel that the relationship was beneficial to every one of them since a need was met by the others.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

In regards to getting more out of the relationship, what are the baselines? Love, trust, money, friendship etc?
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Kola+wole wrote: 02 Sep 2020, 09:17 I don't think what each of them put in and got out of the relationship can be measured in any way. I feel that the relationship was beneficial to every one of them since a need was met by the others.
I also believe Lena, Kalayla, and her mum all benefited from the relationship. Even though they might have different levels of connection, measuring them is daunting.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Nhitra »

Is there a way that you can measure how much a person can get from a relationship?. It is obvious that all of them benefit from the relationship somehow and they are all satisfied with what they got from the relationship, even if it's not the same thing.
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Kola+wole wrote: 02 Sep 2020, 09:17 I don't think what each of them put in and got out of the relationship can be measured in any way. I feel that the relationship was beneficial to every one of them since a need was met by the others.
Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 00:23 In regards to getting more out of the relationship, what are the baselines? Love, trust, money, friendship etc?
Nhitra wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 13:31 Is there a way that you can measure how much a person can get from a relationship?. It is obvious that all of them benefit from the relationship somehow and they are all satisfied with what they got from the relationship, even if it's not the same thing.
It is, indeed, difficult to quantify relationships. I, personally, think the baselines for these particular relationships, though many, are at the core, love, loyalty (or trust), companionship, and support (Not an exhaustive list, of course.) I'm not sure that there is a way to "measure" as in volume, pounds, etc., a relationship, but I do know that some I've seen and read about are definitely lopsided. One individual gets much more out of it than the other, or others. Though that was not the case here, that was what I meant by that question. That they are all satisfied with the relationship could also be thought of as a "measure." Thanks to all of you for dropping by and commenting!
Books are my self-medication. 8)
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Post by Allen Cheque »

I believe that that was the whole point of the book: three women coming together to form a strong bond. It was wonderful reading how these women gradually came into each other's lives and how they all managed to have an impact on themselves.
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Post by Lilyflower-x2 »

I don't think its quantifiable what each individual got from the relationship. Their needs were different.What matters is if they were satisfied with the end results, and its clear they were.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Lilyflower-x2 wrote: 15 Sep 2020, 23:55 I don't think its quantifiable what each individual got from the relationship. Their needs were different.What matters is if they were satisfied with the end results, and its clear they were.

I have to say that all the characters seem to have got some satisfaction from the interactions they had. If not anything physical, then lessons would be the way to go. It was fulfilling for me to realize that finally, Lena was able to find fulfillment in her endeavored search for bringing kalayla to self-awareness. And although Maureen lost a good relationship with her parents, Lena lost his sons, and Kalayla didn't have someone to call a brother, the outcome of their interactivity was fruitful.
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Post by Susmita Biswas »

The three ladies from three different generations became a family and somehow, they figured out how to help each other. If you can create a family that will always stand by you then it's a wonderful thing. After all, we all need caring and love.
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Post by Laura Mich »

I don't think we need to crown mothers as 'surrogate' as long as they humanely and affectionately bring up a child. I mean, don't you think it's unfair?
In addition, all the relationships were beneficial to each one of them in one way or the other.
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Post by Laura Mich »

Allen Cheque wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 18:28 I believe that that was the whole point of the book: three women coming together to form a strong bond. It was wonderful reading how these women gradually came into each other's lives and how they all managed to have an impact on themselves.
All the characters seemed to get contentment from the relationships they had with one another, and that is the most crucial theme of the book (satisfaction). They figured a way to live in harmony in spite of their roots.
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Post by Nzube Chizoba Okeke »

I found it amazing that though not related by blood, three of them came together, formed a strong bond and impacted each other's life. I cannot quantify what each of them got from the relationship.
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Allen Cheque wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 18:28 I believe that that was the whole point of the book: three women coming together to form a strong bond. It was wonderful reading how these women gradually came into each other's lives and how they all managed to have an impact on themselves.
Lilyflower-x2 wrote: 15 Sep 2020, 23:55 I don't think its quantifiable what each individual got from the relationship. Their needs were different.What matters is if they were satisfied with the end results, and its clear they were.
Susmita Biswas wrote: 16 Sep 2020, 01:15 The three ladies from three different generations became a family and somehow, they figured out how to help each other. If you can create a family that will always stand by you then it's a wonderful thing. After all, we all need caring and love.
Laura Mich wrote: 16 Sep 2020, 06:05 I don't think we need to crown mothers as 'surrogate' as long as they humanely and affectionately bring up a child. I mean, don't you think it's unfair?
In addition, all the relationships were beneficial to each one of them in one way or the other.
I believe that the feeling and companionship of 'family,' whether they be family-by-birth or family-by-choice, is something all of us need and continually seek. I agree that these three women (well, two women and one child) came together and formed a strong, caring familial bond that helped each of them in its own way. When I said 'surrogate,' I simply was referring to it not being a family-by-birth situation. I certainly agree that each of them got what they needed out of the relationship, but that is not always the case and was not a foregone conclusion, even in the book. I've seen plenty of relationships that were lopsided. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
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Post by Ify_Reviewer »

I think In relationships what really matters is equity and not equality. It's really not about who gets more or less. It's about receiving the much you need.

I think each of the characters got the exact measure they needed from the relationship.
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