Are The Parent To Blame?

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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Joseph_ngaruiya
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Joey is always saying that the boys should be left alone to toughen up. Maureen is too busy working to take care of Kalayla, and Lena has had it with the boys. From their stories, what is your view on parenting? Is it the reason Kalayla and Lena's children grow the way they are? Would you blame parenting to the moral uprightness or bad character of a child?
Did Joey, Jamal, Maureen, and Lena nurture their children properly?
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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AntonelaMaria
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Post by AntonelaMaria »

Is that what every parent ask themselves all the time. Am I doing okay? Am I making the same mistakes as my parents? Everybody does them. The mistakes I mean. It is hard for me to judge the choices they made. I think Kalaya turned out just fine. You also have Jamal and what is his brother name I forgot, two sons raised by the same parents and in the same environment that turned out differently. Then you have four kids that Lena had that are raised in domestic abused household. Soemtimes you just roll with what you get. I wouldn't put blame on anyone but they certainly had an impact, together with other sources.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

AntonelaMaria wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 12:22 Is that what every parent ask themselves all the time. Am I doing okay? Am I making the same mistakes as my parents? Everybody does them. The mistakes I mean. It is hard for me to judge the choices they made. I think Kalaya turned out just fine. You also have Jamal and what is his brother name I forgot, two sons raised by the same parents and in the same environment that turned out differently. Then you have four kids that Lena had that are raised in domestic abused household. Soemtimes you just roll with what you get. I wouldn't put blame on anyone but they certainly had an impact, together with other sources.
Clarence is the name you forgot. I see you narrowed it down to an individual level. To some point, I'd say everyone is responsible for their own decisions. Okay, parents may also have something to do with it, but you ought to choose how you respond to it. But then, how does a child grow without doing the awful things he/she sees or those that have been taught by their parents?
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Post by Lilyflower-x2 »

Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 05 Sep 2020, 00:05
AntonelaMaria wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 12:22 Is that what every parent ask themselves all the time. Am I doing okay? Am I making the same mistakes as my parents? Everybody does them. The mistakes I mean. It is hard for me to judge the choices they made. I think Kalaya turned out just fine. You also have Jamal and what is his brother name I forgot, two sons raised by the same parents and in the same environment that turned out differently. Then you have four kids that Lena had that are raised in domestic abused household. Soemtimes you just roll with what you get. I wouldn't put blame on anyone but they certainly had an impact, together with other sources.
Clarence is the name you forgot. I see you narrowed it down to an individual level. To some point, I'd say everyone is responsible for their own decisions. Okay, parents may also have something to do with it, but you ought to choose how you respond to it. But then, how does a child grow without doing the awful things he/she sees or those that have been taught by their parents?
Very true Joseph. As adults, we have to take responsibilities of our actions. Parents play a role in developing a child's character but once the child is an adult, they have a choice to be better or worse.
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Post by Christabel Uzoamaka »

Parenting is difficult. A parent could do everything within their power for their child, but something unexpected could always happen. As a parent though, you love your child regardless. This, I think, can also be applied all the relationships explored in the book. Lena loved her boys, but her love was not enough. Unexpected things can always happen.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Christieee wrote: 07 Sep 2020, 08:01 Parenting is difficult. A parent could do everything within their power for their child, but something unexpected could always happen. As a parent though, you love your child regardless. This, I think, can also be applied all the relationships explored in the book. Lena loved her boys, but her love was not enough. Unexpected things can always happen.
True, it also depends on your spouse sometimes. Lena had a positive parental attitude for her kids. But Joey dismisses all forms of punishment that Lena suggests in order to align the boys to discipline. For instance, when the twins are caught playing poker in school , rather than punishing them, Joey prefers to teach them how to hide the cards and not admit anything.
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Post by unamilagra »

I think this question implies that the kids didn't turn out ok, which I feel is untrue in this case. I think even though Lena was not close to her two surviving boys, they were both good people. Kalayla has some issues which are common to tweens, but I think she's going to turn out ok as well.

Every parent makes mistakes and has regrets about them. But I honestly think this book is a testament to the fact that kids are resilient, and maybe we as parents don't need to sweat every little mistake they make.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

unamilagra wrote: 09 Sep 2020, 12:34 I think this question implies that the kids didn't turn out ok, which I feel is untrue in this case. I think even though Lena was not close to her two surviving boys, they were both good people. Kalayla has some issues which are common to tweens, but I think she's going to turn out ok as well.

Every parent makes mistakes and has regrets about them. But I honestly think this book is a testament to the fact that kids are resilient, and maybe we as parents don't need to sweat every little mistake they make.
When you say that parents don't need to sweat every mistake, it reminded me of Maureen's mother. She disowned her daughter to an extent that she's never met her own grand daughter. It all resulted when Maureen got married to a black man unlike her parent's wish if her getting married by Timothy O'Brien, whose father owned a family law business. I believe children and especially young adults have a right to make their own decisions.
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Post by Twylla »

I have seen children grow up in the same home where one was never a problem and the other was nothing but rebellious. God created a perfect world for Adam and Eve, and they still made poor decisions. King David was called by God to be the King of Israel, but he committed adultery and murder. There are no guarantees that being a good parent will result in good children.

I think they all did the best they could based on their life experience, and that is all you can expect from people.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Twylla wrote: 12 Sep 2020, 09:50 I have seen children grow up in the same home where one was never a problem and the other was nothing but rebellious. God created a perfect world for Adam and Eve, and they still made poor decisions. King David was called by God to be the King of Israel, but he committed adultery and murder. There are no guarantees that being a good parent will result in good children.

I think they all did the best they could based on their life experience, and that is all you can expect from people.
Very true, children also have a role to play in who they end up becoming. Kalayla is raised by an ever occupied mum who hardly has time for her. But she doesn't sit down crying over it. Instead, she seeks for a job at clean Duds and starts earning by watching.
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Post by Rave4 »

Children in the end decide how they turn out in the end, but this decision largely hinges on the kind of influence their parents had on them, so parents play a very huge role in who their children end up becoming
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Rave4 wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 02:45 Children in the end decide how they turn out in the end, but this decision largely hinges on the kind of influence their parents had on them, so parents play a very huge role in who their children end up becoming
Apart from parents, the company of friends that the children associate with, also influence how they grow up morally. It's the reason why Lena rebukes Kalayla's meet up with Ray Ray.
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Post by Allen Cheque »

I believe that to some extent the parents are to blame. Joey did not help the boys by letting them get away with almost anything. Lena should have done more to keep her boys in check. Maureen should have spent more time with Kalayla or asked someone else to keep an eye on her daughter. Nevertheless, if we have to be honest, these same parents were doing their best the way they know how to. They could have done better, yes, but as the saying goes, no one is perfect.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Allen Cheque wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 18:19 I believe that to some extent the parents are to blame. Joey did not help the boys by letting them get away with almost anything. Lena should have done more to keep her boys in check. Maureen should have spent more time with Kalayla or asked someone else to keep an eye on her daughter. Nevertheless, if we have to be honest, these same parents were doing their best the way they know how to. They could have done better, yes, but as the saying goes, no one is perfect.
In this situation I believe most parents want the best for their children. And there are always differences between spouses, one might see moral uprightness as more important compared to education. Joey's roots were intertwined in power, ego and pride, while Lena was more of an entrepreneur, noble woman and responsible leader. But her husband was so commanding that she didn't have any impact on what she instructed his boys to do. She ended up losing them to fights, unrest and injustice.
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Post by Dayodiola »

To road to success is a pile of experience. As the best of experiences are those gotten by oneself, so are the worst of experiences are those learnt from others. Parents should be guidance, not a looker.
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