Leaving Behind Trauma

[J Edwards]

I think he was originally ashamed of who he was because of his authoritative father. Even his father's death would not erase the shame he felt and I think that is what made him choose to stay away.

[19blueofficial]

I completely understand Mark. He would receive so much judgment if he went back home and the shock on Lena's face when she found out her son was gay could be easily detected. Maybe if Mark had told her this earlier on she wouldn't have accepted him. I think she's just tolerating it cause she had been looking for her son for years and just wanted to reunite with him. But of you ask me, I think she would criticize him of he had told her from the start. That was why he had to go away.

[Rizki Pradana]

Mark stayed away from home because he can't tell his parent and brother that he was a gay when his father was someone who wouldvhurt his wife with physics. Mark fear that he will also treated the same way as Lena if he tell his parents and brothers.

[Akangbe Opeyemi]

Mark was still lost in his own shell and probably need a freedom from the damage his father's actions had done to his life. Mark being gay could have also been an obstacle to him going home, he might feel scared of not being accepted as who he is.

[Chinazo Anozie]

Mark stayed away from home because he was gay and did not want to embarrass the family. I think his main reason for not coming to visit Lena is because he still has trauma from his father suppressing his true feelings and how his mother allowed his father to behave that way towards him. Bad memories are all he has of home and he was looking for a place where he belonged.

Why do you think Mark stayed away from home?

Out of everyone in the book, I honestly felt the most sorry for Mark. Family is one of the most important thing to have that will support you, and going through being gay on his own had to have been so hard on him. I think the main reason he stayed was away firstly was because of their father (and with good reason). After their father's death, his brother also advised him to stay away. Mark must have wrongly thought his mother didn't want anything to do with him.

[Manas Ranjan Mishra]

Mark is the only person who was less understood by his father. Even his elder brother, who worship his father, protected Mark by keeping this fact as a secret. Staying away from home would have been traumatic for him. But obviously after seeing her mother accepting his identity with full heart pumped him with confidence.

[jimmy02]

Mark is the only person who was less understood by his father. Even his elder brother, who worship his father, protected Mark by keeping this fact as a secret. Staying away from home would have been traumatic for him. But obviously after seeing her mother accepting his identity with full heart pumped him with confidence.

I agree with you Manas. Acceptance can go a long way into helping someone overcome old trauma. And as you've quite correctly concluded, Lena's acceptance must have made Mark feel better.

[Samuel Mamo]

That was because JJ's attitude towards Mark's changes, he counted it as a disgrace for the family.

[Shillah Andeso]

Sometimes it may be better to avoid conflict in the family. Personally I think he could have stayed away to avoid hurting her mother, so that there could be peace between them instead of occasional confrontations with her mother.

[fire_spice]

I did wonder about this since Joey had been dead for so long. I would have thought he'd want to visit to see JJ and his family, and then maybe test the waters with Lena, at least once in the past 30 years. He even asked JJ and JJ said no, the time wasn't right, but when I read that I interpreted it to mean that the people in the area (like the ones they'd gone to high school with who were still there and beat him up) were still prejudiced, not that it was about Lena. She just seems like she would be accepting to me. But in reading the above posts I can see how it might be hard to face Lena because she didn't protect them from Joey and to go back to the area where so much was traumatizing for him.

I think JJ was referring to their extended family. Both the maternal and paternal side who didn't like flaws in the family. And I think they considered being gay to be a flaw unlike JJ and Lena.

[Moneybag]

I think Mark stayed away from home so he could gain peace and learn to accept who he was. Home really brought terrible memories to him. I would do same if I were in the same situation

[Glorious Jack]

Mark had gone through a lot at his father's hands. Taking the opportunity to leave all the bad memories and start anew is understandable. Most times our memories become warped and we can forget the good that happened in the mist of all the bad.

[julietmumbua23]

I agree that our minds are the harshest prisons. Mark's trauma rendered any possibility of returning home impossible.

[Emilia Kvatchadze]

I believe that Mark got extremely traumatized by the way his both parents and siblings treated him. He didn't feel safe at home anymore and therefore chose to stay away from home. Even though his father ended up dying, then I think the home left such a bad mental and physical mark on him, that he just couldn't return back.

[Donald Trust]

Lena's family lacked a lot. Mark leaving was a result of the trauma he got from home.