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Mark stayed away from home because he was gay and did not want to embarrass the family. I think his main reason for not coming to visit Lena is because he still has trauma from his father suppressing his true feelings and how his mother allowed his father to behave that way towards him. Bad memories are all he has of home and he was looking for a place where he belonged.

Why do you think Mark stayed away from home?

Dman_1996 wrote: ↑19 Sep 2020, 22:08 Mark stayed away from home because he was gay and did not want to embarrass the family. I think his main reason for not coming to visit Lena is because he still has trauma from his father suppressing his true feelings and how his mother allowed his father to behave that way towards him. Bad memories are all he has of home and he was looking for a place where he belonged.

Why do you think Mark stayed away from home?

Couldn't agree more. Even I wondered as to why even though he knew his father died, he did not keep in touch with his mother. The answer must be because he holds his mother responsible. In most families one parent protects their child if the other parent is oppressive. In this case Lena couldn't find the strength to protect herself and hence, protecting her children was far from possible. I guess both JJ and Mark hold her responsible.

And like you stated, JJ knew where his brother was but did not tell Lena for so many years. It's sad to know that even after there father has been dead for so long that they still weren't at peace.

Most often trauma affects not only the physical but also mental state of an individual. I believe Mark didn't want to go back because the parents left a mark and home was where it all began so even though the father was dead, he still had a some sort of hold on him. He might have felt that going back might just reopen wounds that have him years to heal. And he wasn't ready to relive those moments.

It is actually understandable because he wanted to stay away from the bad memories he had with his family. And for me, I think it is also a form of self-care for Mark because maybe he wants to heal his wounds first then face them again whenever he's ready.

Mark was most definitely protecting his own self by staying away from his parents as they had mentally left a mark upon him. Even though his father had died, he held his mother just as accountable

Dman_1996 wrote: ↑19 Sep 2020, 22:08 Mark stayed away from home because he was gay and did not want to embarrass the family. I think his main reason for not coming to visit Lena is because he still has trauma from his father suppressing his true feelings and how his mother allowed his father to behave that way towards him. Bad memories are all he has of home and he was looking for a place where he belonged.

Why do you think Mark stayed away from home?

The estrangement of Mark and Lena made me emotional. I'm glad they reconnected and that Lena was so understanding, that made me happy.

Mark must have chosen to stay away from home because he felt that his family would not be accepting of his sexuality and lifestyle. If I remember correctly I believe he told Lena that he stayed away because he didn't want to bring shame to his family. It is heartbreaking to think about feeling like you would have to make the decision to remove yourself from your family to live a content life. This even more heartbreaking because although this is a work of fiction, the reality is that many are experiencing these feelings and struggles in real life.

I do think that his father is likely the catalyst for his decision, knowing how abusive he was, Mark felt that revealing these aspects of his life would cause his father to harm Lena, so he did what he thought was best...he left.

I agree that Mark stayed away because he didn't feel safe at home. A home that is supposed to be the place you feel the safest and that you could just be yourself without any limits and judgments. It could not have been easy, and it left a lot of scars.

Mark got traumatized so badly that he couldn't come back to his family. The way his father treated him and the way his mother let his father do such terrors have left a terrible mark on Mark, traumatising him to a point where staying far from his own home is the only way to not feel scared.

Traumas leave wounds deeper than we imagine and worse than we think. I think Mark's fear of coming back to his family is understandable, given the things that occurred between him and his father. Your family is supposed to be there for you, they're supposed to love you and it's kind of difficult to keep that mindset if your parents treat you that way. Even now if his father was gone, I think he isn't ready to face his fear inside a home where it all happened, where his mother couldn't even protect him. He wasn't ready to relive those moments and handle the fear that would resurface. If staying away from home would help him heal and provide the closure he never received, then I think that's brave and strong of him because for once he's doing it for himself and that's a step closer to growing and healing.

I wouldn't blame Mark. It all started from home, and it's not something his father's death could quickly fix. I call it self protection.

Sometimes self-care necessitates leaving behind what is causing you harm so that you can heal. Even memories can re-open old wounds, and for Mark, home was full of harmful memories.

A place that left a deep trauma inside him, can't be called home. When Mark left it's almost impossible to return the same person with the same feelings. Only memories never fade away.

I did wonder about this since Joey had been dead for so long. I would have thought he'd want to visit to see JJ and his family, and then maybe test the waters with Lena, at least once in the past 30 years. He even asked JJ and JJ said no, the time wasn't right, but when I read that I interpreted it to mean that the people in the area (like the ones they'd gone to high school with who were still there and beat him up) were still prejudiced, not that it was about Lena. She just seems like she would be accepting to me. But in reading the above posts I can see how it might be hard to face Lena because she didn't protect them from Joey and to go back to the area where so much was traumatizing for him.

Let's see, if I were Mark, then here are things I would have to endure. My father and brothers mocked me constantly about my build (not that I wanted to be a shrimp). My big brother used me as his personal punching bag (pa and ma know, and they didn't intervene). My schoolmate picked a fight with me, and my mother was like "Fighting over aggravations is normal for this kid, so I don't really care." So yeah, I think I would try to get out of that house as soon as I could. That place is not a home; it's Hell.