Selfishness vs selflessness

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
JHING Estanislao
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Selfishness vs selflessness

Post by JHING Estanislao »

Maureen was consumed by her great love for Jamal that she married young and became a mother thereafter. After the sudden death of Jamal, she became a shell of a person just trying to survive. For eleven years, she just grieved for the love of her life that she forgot to bring-up the life of her own daughter. She worked tirelessly to provide food, education and shelter; but there is a great absence of deep love. Rarely did I see an encounter in the book in which Maureen tried to think of what would make her child really happy.

Was this because she was a young mother and not yet prepared for the challenges life threw at her or was this denial of responsibilities?
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Mason Garrod
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Post by Mason Garrod »

I never particularly got the sense that Maureen wasn't devoted to her daughter, she had just been through some awful things and was not well-equipped enough to be a perfect mother since she had lost her support networks
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Post by Nivedita BookBee »

I also think Maureen really didn't try her best to be involved in every aspect of Layla's life. She loved her daughter but I ended up feeling like that she probably cares more about her art since the very start. Which is okay, being a parent doesn't mean sacrificing everything you love doing but she did lack being involved in many aspects of her daughter's life.
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Post by Nathaniel Owolabi »

I do see your point here. Perhaps Maureen want really there for her daughter, she had been through a lot also. However,I think she was just on the edge hanging on. And if not for her daughter she might have given up on life. However, I never doubted that Maureen lived her daughter. I guess life just dished her more than she could handle. And not just her youth but her personality and reliance on others affected the way she handled it.
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Post by AngieOdeh »

Given the fact that she was shocked after being disowned by her family and all her friends disappeared from her life; art turn to be her stress rescue boat. After giving birth to Kalayla, she didn't count on a mother or someone to advice her or teach her how to deal with a small child. After her husband died, she just lost her purpose and was only her sense of motherhood what rescued her from madness. Fortunately, after the intervention of Lena, she has the chance to lear and improve her relationships with her daughter. Even, come back to be her old self, the lively girl she was before getting married.
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Post by Linda S 1 »

I felt that Maureen was trying hard to be a good mother but she was hindered because of her traumatizing past. She was not the typical motherly character we see but from her point of view, she was doing her best to stay strong. It wasn't her fault but fortunately, things fell into place because of Lena.
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Post by Tereza Bencic »

I found Maureen the most unlikable character, she was selfish, self absorbed, and forcing Kalayla to have a relationship on her own terms, never really listening to her. The moment Lena offered her help, Maureen jumped to the opportunity of blabbing her own traumas and problems and expecting Lena to be there for both her and her daughter. She was weak and her character development didn't really make sense, she found a new man she depended on, reconciled with part of her family and she was suddenly this sassy woman no one can talk back to. I am glad Kalayla found Lena, as she really needed someone who will care for her and not only about their own hobbies and life.
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Post by Oyster »

She was a really lousy mother to be very happy. But that could have been because of how engrossed she was in her grief that came about due to the loss of her husband.
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Post by Taryn Eyre »

I would have to agree with Linda S 1. Maureen was not a typical mother. She did rely on Jamal to take lead when raising Kalayla, but I don’t think that means she loves her or cares about her any less. No one would say that a Dad doesn’t care about their child when he takes back seat to raising his children. I feel that Maureen needed time to adjust to her new life where her husband was dead, had no support from her family and the only people she could turn to was her dead husband’s family which included a mentally damaged man looking to take advantage of her. She needed time to become the mother Kalayla needed after Jamal’s death. And I don’t think Maureen’s art should be held against her. Every mother needs to carve out time for themselves so they don’t go crazy or lose who they are when they have a baby. Yes, Maureen might have carved a lot of time, but she could because she had Jamal and Kalayla was always happy and safe while she painted.
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Post by MysticSpade »

Maureen found herself in a very tough situation and ultimately, like any mother, she was doing the best she could. She ran herself ragged because she had to provide for her daughter. Just because she was busy with work and trying to keep the household afloat didn't mean she didn't love Kalayla any less. It's just an unfortunate part of being a single parent.
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Post by Reader-247 »

Every person grieves differently. Healing time and moving forward time is different for everyone. I cannot label her a bad mother just because she was grieving. Instead, I think its praise-worthy that she did take care of all the physical needs of her daughter. A little guidance towards the mental needs always come in handy.
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Post by J Edwards »

I think she was consumed with self-doubt. All her actions can be interpreted to mean she was selflessness as she cared about her daughter deeply. only self-doubt clouded her judgment and she was unable to express bee true feelings towards her daughter.
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“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.”

French novelist Marcel Proust.
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Post by Hyacinth Bella »

I think Maureen has her reasons why she can't parent her child well. I don't think it's selfish, but she wasn't planning or she wasn't ready on losing the person she loves and sacrificed many things for. I understand that it seems selfish, and I do think that she is selfish in a way, but she isn't selfish when she's parenting Kalayla. Her selfishness is connected to her passion for art and her dream because I think that she focused on that too much when she had the time to parent Kalayla with Jamal. That's my takeaway.
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Post by 19blueofficial »

I don't think it's selfishness. I it's from her famitly, since her mother never really treated her like a mother. Also, when Jamal was alive she was too focused on painting, she literally had no time for Kalayla. And after he died she worked extra hard that her daughter barely even noticed her presence. So I wouldn't say that she was selfish, to her she was doing her best but didn't know how much staying away was affecting her daughter. Besides, Kalayla didn't care less.
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Post by Rizki Pradana »

I think it's because she was a young mother and not ready for the challenges in her life. Especially when her husband died, she needs to work to support her daughter, which resulted in her daughter's lack of love from his mother.
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