YA Crime Thriller/Romance- Is this intro gripping?
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vicky222
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YA Crime Thriller/Romance- Is this intro gripping?
Please read this prologue and tell me whether it encourages you to read this book:
Her eyes flicker slowly. It’s like she’s starting to gain life again. I can see the tips of her fingers curling into a clutching position. Her lips are quivering. Maybe it’s the shock… maybe it’s the fact that she has been in a motionless-type- of- coma getting to some hours now. I’m just so glad she made it. I mean I’m so glad we made it. If only we had listened, if only…
That guy, whoever he was… was evil. How could he have done that to her?
Okay when you live in an area like ours you have to understand that these things happen daily. You become accustomed to its daily occurrence, but you never expect for it to happen to you. You know that’s how we teens think. We think we’re invincible; the world is in our hands, like nothing can touch us. But then BANG when we get ourselves into trouble, we think, why wasn’t anyone there to warn us? Doesn’t anybody care? Well they did, it’s just because you get so comfortable in your current position that you get too proud to listen anybody. Oh Gosh! Look at me again, going into a full on rant about the “youth of today” like I’m some child physiologist thingy. You know, the ones who spend like twenty years of their life observing and analyzing the lives of teenagers. SAD. That’s all I can say, but look at me trying to put others down. Who am I to talk like I’m some normal teen girl? I like that word normal. I’ve never been a normal child by this world’s standards. I don’t stick to the stereotypical goody- good, and maybe that is what has brought me this far. Being normal has always been a concept that never ceases to puzzle me. And considering what happened last night, it will be very hard for me to ever consider myself as that…
I’m now sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her lovely chestnut hair. She could have been so pretty I think to myself. Really made something of herself. But look at her now. Hospital. A blood coated bandage masking her right eye up, past her eyebrow up to her forehead. What a life. Whilst analysing the damage, I carefully trace my finger along my own face, I feel down my cheekbone before caressing my eye. My wonderful eye. I’m still acknowledging the fact that I still have my face intact. Well not just my face. My life. It was a narrow cut and as I’ve said before, an area like ours is one not to be toyed with. And unfortunately, it took me nearly getting sent to hospital or maybe even worse, to realise that.
Or so it would seem…
Is this prologue gripping?
Her eyes flicker slowly. It’s like she’s starting to gain life again. I can see the tips of her fingers curling into a clutching position. Her lips are quivering. Maybe it’s the shock… maybe it’s the fact that she has been in a motionless-type- of- coma getting to some hours now. I’m just so glad she made it. I mean I’m so glad we made it. If only we had listened, if only…
That guy, whoever he was… was evil. How could he have done that to her?
Okay when you live in an area like ours you have to understand that these things happen daily. You become accustomed to its daily occurrence, but you never expect for it to happen to you. You know that’s how we teens think. We think we’re invincible; the world is in our hands, like nothing can touch us. But then BANG when we get ourselves into trouble, we think, why wasn’t anyone there to warn us? Doesn’t anybody care? Well they did, it’s just because you get so comfortable in your current position that you get too proud to listen anybody. Oh Gosh! Look at me again, going into a full on rant about the “youth of today” like I’m some child physiologist thingy. You know, the ones who spend like twenty years of their life observing and analyzing the lives of teenagers. SAD. That’s all I can say, but look at me trying to put others down. Who am I to talk like I’m some normal teen girl? I like that word normal. I’ve never been a normal child by this world’s standards. I don’t stick to the stereotypical goody- good, and maybe that is what has brought me this far. Being normal has always been a concept that never ceases to puzzle me. And considering what happened last night, it will be very hard for me to ever consider myself as that…
I’m now sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her lovely chestnut hair. She could have been so pretty I think to myself. Really made something of herself. But look at her now. Hospital. A blood coated bandage masking her right eye up, past her eyebrow up to her forehead. What a life. Whilst analysing the damage, I carefully trace my finger along my own face, I feel down my cheekbone before caressing my eye. My wonderful eye. I’m still acknowledging the fact that I still have my face intact. Well not just my face. My life. It was a narrow cut and as I’ve said before, an area like ours is one not to be toyed with. And unfortunately, it took me nearly getting sent to hospital or maybe even worse, to realise that.
Or so it would seem…
Is this prologue gripping?
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standi69
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I think this is very gripping. I do think that it captures your attention wondering what happened to these teenagers. From describing the one laying in the bed bandaged up to the one watching her you are already taken aback by what happened before you know. I would read this to hear the entire story. There are a few spots where the wording stopped my flow but I also tend to get thrown off easily. The word that stopped the flow for me was "Whilst" I think that if it were just "While" I would have continued reading but I was thinking how often does a teen use that word. Keep it up I would love to read this when it is done.
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Chelsea_noel
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This intro is gripping. However writing from a teens perspective it doesn't sound exactly that. "oh gosh," and "whilst" are not words teens would typically use and I don't know how many will be able to feel connected through a character they can't relate too. I am wondering what has happened to these characters so you have achieved your goal of this being gripping. Great work!
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sophiachic
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This intro is very gripping indeed.
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dhomespot
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- Latest Review: The Sword Swallower and a Chico Kid by Gary Robinson
I think it is very gripping. It would make me interested enough to purchase the book.
"Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other."- John Steinbeck
Latest Review: The Sword Swallower and a Chico Kid by Gary Robinson
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gorbe+
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I think it needs some action, and more detail about the characters. How old are they, are they friends, where were they that caused them to get hurt. A brief description of what happened without giving anything away would be a nice addition. Describe the place they were in and was it a surprise attack, did they know they might be in danger? I think it is a good start, more details would improve it.
