A lesson for parents

Use this forum to discuss the January 2021 Book of the month, "The Vanished" by Pejay Bradley
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Michael Jerry_
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Re: A lesson for parents

Post by Michael Jerry_ »

Certainly, a person's upbringing will play a major role in who they grow up to be. I think the same of Embon. However, I cannot fault Sougyon for wanting to take care of her only son's every need. While her way of upbringing spoilt him in his early to adolescent years, he still grew into the man he was supposed be.
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Post by zulfiyya »

Being raised as an aristocrat, his main focus is to keep up high grades and behave according to strict cultural rules because people will inevitably look up to him. I think the reason why Embon was not as arrogant as I guessed he'd turn out, is because his mother was more progressive, and intelligent. She probably reminded him to remain humble. Also, the Japanese occupation of Korea was a blow for everyone especially the royal family, so Embon probably naturally fell into the desire to fight for Korean independence. At times of civil unrest, people don't have time to worry about only themselves, they need to work together and trust one another. This probably played into his lack of arrogance.

That being said, I didn't consider him to be ignorant at all. I thought he was curious and reckless at times, but not ignorant. He also became friends with a classmate who was of a lower class despite being raised as an aristocrat. That is a sign of intelligence, not ignorance. He quickly adapted to new environments and sacrificed what was handed to him on a silver platter at birth to fight for independence. That was a sign of courage and strength.

What parts might I ask made him appear ignorant? Maybe I'm mistaken and missed them.
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Post by Owen John »

Well... In real life, I always believe a person's original character can't be affected by upbringing. For example, if someone is originally talkative (or arrogant like you have said Embon was) it is difficult changing that. However, for fiction it may be possible. However, I would have let things be as they are. I feel it makes the narration as it is.
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Post by Owen John »

Devalsodha wrote: 16 Jan 2021, 14:26 As a parent I can understand that parenting is different for different child and in different situations.
As a single mother, Sougyon did her best to pass on her good values to Embon, so he grew up to be a smart, mannerful young boy. Though it surprised me that as a child he kicked an elderly person. But overall his mother did a great job and I can ofcourse imagine that if I would have been in her place I would discipline Embon in the childhood too.
I liked the way she allowed Embon to create his individual opinion about his father.
Very true. Parenting is different to different children in different situations. But does it affect the child's personality?
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Post by Deval Sodha »

Owen John wrote: 05 Feb 2021, 01:14
Devalsodha wrote: 16 Jan 2021, 14:26 As a parent I can understand that parenting is different for different child and in different situations.
As a single mother, Sougyon did her best to pass on her good values to Embon, so he grew up to be a smart, mannerful young boy. Though it surprised me that as a child he kicked an elderly person. But overall his mother did a great job and I can ofcourse imagine that if I would have been in her place I would discipline Embon in the childhood too.
I liked the way she allowed Embon to create his individual opinion about his father.
Very true. Parenting is different to different children in different situations. But does it affect the child's personality?
Definitely yes, it will affect a child's personality to some extent.
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Post by Gbemisola Akinremi »

Intentional parenting involves disciplining a child when necessary, giving children the chance to earn some benefits rather than been given with no cost attached, and much more. Embon could have ended up better if the mother acted differently. Most times, our background and upbringing have a lot to play on whom we eventually grow to become.
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Post by Goral »

Definitely. A child's upbringing affects his whole life. Had Embon been given a little more exposure and allowed to solve his own problems, he would have been a different man.
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Post by MayorE »

It’s not easy being a single parent. At that time I think lady sougyon felt she was showing him love in the best way she could. Of course if embon had a different upbringing he would have turned out differently. Training we give to children goes a long way in shaping their adult lives most times
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Post by Iris Marsh »

It's a difficult question, as I don't think there's just one right way to raise a child. It's very dependent on the child, but also on the environment and culture there being raised in. And I think as a parent your always learning and will make mistakes, so naturally, Sougyon made mistakes with Embon as well. I do think it's better to have a child fail sometimes and learn to solve their own problems, as I do see a tendency in today's society where parents are more reluctant to do this. And I would say it is always good to have your child learn what the boundaries are, but what those boundaries are might depend on the society the child's raised in.
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Post by shannonkate8 »

raluca_mihaila wrote: 12 Jan 2021, 14:53 One of the things that I found very striking was how sheltered and ignorant was Embon. I think this lesson also applies today, as a lot of parents think that is better to take care of every need or problem of the child, without taking into consideration his/ her future development. What would you have done differently? Do you think that if Embon had had a different upbringing he would have become a different man?
I think it is easy to have a lot of "what ifs," especially as a parent. I also think a lot of us go into parenthood ignorant and sheltered. You can't know all the in's and out's until you actually do something.
That said, I do see where you are coming from. At some point, you have to acknowledge that you can't give everything to your child or do everything for them.
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Post by Wekesa Namuyonga »

The fact that his mother didn't correct him but he grew up to be a discipline man, I think that there is a lot to learn as a parent.
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Post by Caroline Anne Richmond »

Lady Sougyon raised Embon in a non-conventional way as a young child. There was a lack of discipline and he was allowed to misbehave and be quite rude and obnoxious. I thought he would grow up to be a terrible young man, I was surprised to learn he was a good student and polite person. We can all judge parenting skills or disapprove but it seems in this case, Lady Sougyon, must have done something right.
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Post by Joy Phill »

I believe if Embon had a less sheltered life, and not have everything given to him on a silver platter, he would have been more prepared to find his footing in life.
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Post by Carina Jordaan »

I think when a child are to spoiled and brought up in a bubble, they can still become a well mannered adult. Their journey might just take a bit longer or be a bit tougher to get there. I think the biggest obstacle for young adults that have been brought up like that is to learn humility and knowing that they are not better than others. But I guess in that time it was different and there could have been other influences that changed Embon.
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Post by Foluso Falaye »

I remember someone saying that their two-year old would be married by 20. I feel for that boy already because I feel his life would be controlled and monitored, and I know what that is like. It could result in them being completely dependent or rebellious. I chose the latter in my teens, but I've calmed down because of the things I've been exposed to, mainly books. I would allow my child to be free to a healthy extent because it's better for the child's mental development.
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