A lesson for parents

Use this forum to discuss the January 2021 Book of the month, "The Vanished" by Pejay Bradley
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Mwatu
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Re: A lesson for parents

Post by Mwatu »

The shielding of Embon from having to solve his own problems clearly had a negative effect on him later on in life. I feel that not allowing children to learn, make mistakes and grow from them does not do them good. It allows for gratification in the now but sets them up for failure in the future.
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Post by Vanessa Leong »

I was quite surprised that Embon turned out the way he did. Lady Sougyon not disciplining him as a child could have turned out much differently than what she had hoped for. Unless Embon matured on his own or Lady Sougyon changed her parenting style, I highly doubt that any child as spoilt as Embon would turn out to be the filial and perfect student that he is. I definitely think he would turn out differently had Lady Sougyon raised him differently, but I wouldn't be able to predict in what way.
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Post by Humera955 »

Yes i definitely think if embon had a different upbringing he would be a different man today. May be a better version of himself. Changing parenting style can bring a lot of change in a child as he grows up.
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Post by Suzer6440 xyz »

I strongly believe that parents can do a tremendous job with discipline with their children, but there comes a certain point that the child makes their own decisions. With that being said though, i didn’t agree with Ebony’s upbringing. In my opinion, Lady Sougyoun could definitely have done things differently , but every person has their own beliefs and this was how it was for them
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Post by Daniel-Davis »

Kirsi_78 wrote: 13 Jan 2021, 05:20 Of course the way we are raised up affects the way we turn out as adults. Another question is, if the result would be better or worse. Raising up children is a rather complicated issue 😊 I can’t imagine what I would have done differently, since it is a different culture and a different era. Anyway, as a parent I think that solving every problem and filling every need of the child might not be the best way to go. The kids need to learn some survival skills and problem solving skills and they definitely won’t learn if they don’t ever have the opportunity for that. Giving challenges that match the child’s age and current skill level adds up with my philosophy better than sheltering the child from just about everything.
I agree with you that you could give your child age appropriate and skill level appropriate problems or challenges to help them grow. Like giving a teenager their own bank account and requiring them to balance/manage their allowance. That way, as their parent you could step in anytime to fix the situation -- that's totally in your control.
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Post by Gabriella H »

Yes, his mom made some mistakes concerning his upbringing. I believe she did this out of sentiment, he was her only child, her treasured male child, and she had waited a while to have a child. Also, she probably felt like pampering him as a child was the best way to make him love her, seeing that his father wasn't able to give her the love she wanted. However, she sheltered him in a very harmful way to the point that he was merely existing without any purpose. I feel he could've used some more grounding and discipline.
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Post by Shridhar Suryawanshi »

I believe that the way we were raised affects our minds and emotions, in a positive or a negative way (usually both). So yes, if he was raised in a different way, he probably would be a different person today. But to be fair, I can't fault him for trying his best.
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Post by Kayla Archer »

Kirsi_78 wrote: 13 Jan 2021, 05:20 Of course the way we are raised up affects the way we turn out as adults. Another question is, if the result would be better or worse. Raising up children is a rather complicated issue 😊 I can’t imagine what I would have done differently, since it is a different culture and a different era. Anyway, as a parent I think that solving every problem and filling every need of the child might not be the best way to go. The kids need to learn some survival skills and problem solving skills and they definitely won’t learn if they don’t ever have the opportunity for that. Giving challenges that match the child’s age and current skill level adds up with my philosophy better than sheltering the child from just about everything.
Well said! Parenting is incredibly complicated, especially when you have several to parent and they are all so different. I also agree with your point about not doing everything for kids. Psychologist Kevin Leman humorously encourages parents to let kids fail while they are under your roof so they can learn and be stronger when they move out into the world.
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Post by Obi Egbuniwe »

Embon's character is something that I can't certainly comment on. Sougyon taught she was doing and giving her best. Raising kids is complicated and can't be reduced to an exact formula-driven science. There's a lot of agency and probability involved. I don't always blame the parents.
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Post by Ekuma Blessing »

There isn't an one best way to parent, hence it is a vulnerable subject. Based on careful observation and monitoring, I believe it is simpler to determine which method is better or worse for parenting a child. I do know that once we become parents, desire to safeguard our child will always rank first on our list of priorities. However, in my opinion, it would be preferable to have children ready for the terrifying truth of life.
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