What was his secret of his successful marriage life?

Post by **Sushan Ekanayake** » 20 Feb 2021, 12:50

HDFC Head Girl wrote: ↑20 Feb 2021, 08:26 In Dr. Berrah's case, it's like I could feel his passion and love for his wife practically emanating from the page, and judging from his account, his wife felt the same way for him. He was also quite an accomplished man, and I'm sure that a lot of that came down to the integral support that his wife gave him. I'm sure that they would've had the same problems that an average couple faces, but the respect and appreciation that Dr.Berrah displays towards his mother surely played a pivotal role in shaping him up for marriage, which is probably another reason that his relationship with his wife was so successful.

I too think that his love and respect towards his mother was a critical quality that he had, which played a great roll in the success of his marriage. I am pretty sure that with the busy llifestyle of Dr. Berrah, his wife should have had many hard feelings than an average wife. I believe that both of them had conveyed their feelings to each other and that has been quite easy with Dr. Berrah's skills in communication and diplomacy. That might have been a key factor for their long lasted marriage

LeighBee · Post by **LeighBee** » 21 Feb 2021, 15:57

It was love at first sight, but then when he met her and found out how intelligent and accomplished she was, this attraction combined with respect. Their companionship of mutual respect and understanding for each other, as well as commitment, is what I believe made their marriage strong.

natasha juhl · Post by **natasha juhl** » 21 Feb 2021, 16:50

The secret to any good marriage is the ability to communicate and to also not treat them as your therapist. When his work life got tough, the best policy is to not also drag your personal life into that as well. By keeping these separate, he was able to still successfully hold onto a healthy marriage. His wife was also very supportive and always had their best interest in mind. She knew him well enough to know whether to intervene and when to let him handle his issues on his own.

Post by **Sushan Ekanayake** » 22 Feb 2021, 04:47

LeighBee wrote: ↑21 Feb 2021, 15:57 It was love at first sight, but then when he met her and found out how intelligent and accomplished she was, this attraction combined with respect. Their companionship of mutual respect and understanding for each other, as well as commitment, is what I believe made their marriage strong.

Love is needed to start a relationship. But love only cannot make it last long. Understanding each other is a key feature for a long lasting relationship. Here you have pointed out something important, the intelligence of the fiancee. I don't say that only well learnt couples last long. But a certain level of intelligence is needed to understand your partner and the various ssituations and act accordingly, in order to keep your relationship long lasting. I think Dr. Berrah's wife had these qualities and that was a major reason for their life long marriage.

Post by **Sushan Ekanayake** » 22 Feb 2021, 04:55

natasha juhl wrote: ↑21 Feb 2021, 16:50 The secret to any good marriage is the ability to communicate and to also not treat them as your therapist. When his work life got tough, the best policy is to not also drag your personal life into that as well. By keeping these separate, he was able to still successfully hold onto a healthy marriage. His wife was also very supportive and always had their best interest in mind. She knew him well enough to know whether to intervene and when to let him handle his issues on his own.

I too think that she understood her husband as well as the situation well. She knew when to interfere and when to leave him alone.

More than everything else, I believe that she is an independent woman. She should have been well aware that she cannot expect much support from her husband for her household chores, with his busy professional life. So, without being disheartened, she might have done her part for her best level and that might have made Dr. Berrah's life easy. That too should have been a cause for their life ling relationship

kdstrack · Post by **kdstrack** » 22 Feb 2021, 12:30

One needs to remember that Titi was his third wife. He had learned some things from the experiences of his first two failed marriages. Both Dr. Berrah and Titi were deeply spiritual people, dedicated to following the beliefs they held. This guided them to be mutually loving and understanding. I think that by his third marriage he learned that his wife had to go with him on every trip. President Houphouët insisted that Titi accompany Dr. Berrah on every foreign trip (p. 257). She was always by his side, giving him support and advice. That made a huge difference in keeping their marriage strong.

Maríe Wamakima · Post by **Maríe Wamakima** » 22 Feb 2021, 15:14

Sushan wrote: ↑01 Feb 2021, 00:37 There are lots of examples of those who did a great service to the world in every field. But when we look at their lives, what we see in common is that many of them have not succeeded in their family lives as they got succeed in their professional lives. But here we see a different occasion of succeeding in both. Dr. Ghoulem Berrah was happily married to his wife for forty years, till death parted them. What do you think his secret is? How did he balance his personal life with his professional life?

I wouldn't base it solely on love. For a marriage to be successful I believe that there has to be a lot of communication, forgiveness and understanding.

Post by **Sushan Ekanayake** » 22 Feb 2021, 21:04

kdstrack wrote: ↑22 Feb 2021, 12:30 One needs to remember that Titi was his third wife. He had learned some things from the experiences of his first two failed marriages. Both Dr. Berrah and Titi were deeply spiritual people, dedicated to following the beliefs they held. This guided them to be mutually loving and understanding. I think that by his third marriage he learned that his wife had to go with him on every trip. President Houphouët insisted that Titi accompany Dr. Berrah on every foreign trip (p. 257). She was always by his side, giving him support and advice. That made a huge difference in keeping their marriage strong.

Well, I agree with you. One always learns from one's mistakes. His two failed marriages could have been great lessons, and based on what he learnt he have survived a third marriage till death parted them.

Actually taking your wife everywhere with you is one way to keep the things going. I don't say that it will be fun, and usually it will be annoying (I don't know exactly how Dr. Berrah felt, I am considering a general situation). But most men can tolerate that, other than being subjected to their wives suspicions. If she is always with you, you are totally transparent and she has nothing to suspect or accuse you. Married men or those who are in a relationship must be knowing that being suspected by the woman you love is the most difficult thing to tolerate. If you can avoid that from happening, other small problems, you can solve on the go. And that is a way for a happy life

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 03:34

Oooh, what you said is true: more often than not, "successful" people fail at their relationships. But luckily for Dr. Berrah and Ms. Titi, that wasn't the case. Other than the fact that they can't be with anyone else but each other, I think it helped that they had similar goals in life. They were both religious and passionate for peace. Because of that their path in life as individuals are almost one and the same. They understood each other and were there for each other, whatever they needed.

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 03:39

Maddie Atkinson wrote: ↑10 Feb 2021, 10:41 I think love. Real, raw heartfelt love. The kind that is hard to truly finds, but once it is found, you should never let go.

Wow. The way you said it just makes it more intense. You are so right. With the way things happened before they settled down together, I don't think they'd even think about being with anyone else. They already tried that and it didn't work. They were meant to be with each other.

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 03:44

Sushan wrote: ↑10 Feb 2021, 20:38 Maybe it is purely the heartfelt love that kept them together. But as per my opinion, only love can't keep a marriage for such a long time. When you become more mature, understanding becomes the thing that matters more. I think they both had a good understanding for each other and also his wife might have been a great support for his personal life. So he might have felt comfortable to be with her and do his job comfortably. I think that is the reason for their life long marriage life

I agree with this, too. They didn't have to worry about the lack of attention. They both had important jobs and they understood that aspect about each other. Also, Dr. Berrah was the type who spoils his wife a lot. He would travel miles for her before they were even married. And as spouses, he brought her around the world and treated her to the best of everything.

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 03:47

Noda21k wrote: ↑10 Feb 2021, 23:14 I think treating her respectfully ultimately comes down to yet another thing: communication. In order to respect someone and have them respect you, good communication has to be there. Otherwise, you can be as loving as you want and the other person might still have some problems.

True. Communication and comprehension are keys to a succesful relationship. One cannot say that they have a special bond without a connection, and a connection can only happen when people communicate. It would be ridiculous too to say that you love someone without listening to them and/or being scared to say the things that they want to say.

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 03:56

zainherb wrote: ↑10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.

Now that you mentioned it, it is weird when people ask about the "secret" to a successful marriage. As if when people knew about those secrets, their marriages would suddenly work. In Dr. Berrah and Titi's case, they worked because they loved and understood each other immensely, and their individuality could never function easily with anyone else. They were simply made for each other.

lavkathleen · Post by **lavkathleen** » 23 Feb 2021, 04:10

Sushan wrote: ↑10 Feb 2021, 20:33 His love towards his mother might have led him to love to his wife in such a persistent manner. Yet I think his wife also had had a great contribution in their marriage life. With his career, Dr. Berrah must have not been arround his wife more often. But apparently she had understood it very well and supported her husband in whatever way she could. So Dr. Berrah might not have got any extra burden or need of any extra effort to keep going his marriage life

True. Both of them carried this difficulty in equal measures. It's safe to assume that they'd rather remain together and married even with this inconvenience than to be separated forever. They loved each other immensely, and so, they made it work.

Iris Marsh · Post by **Iris Marsh** » 23 Feb 2021, 08:05

Keeping work and family separated can be tough. I think for all marriages it is important to not let stress from work drag into your relationship, and that communication is very important. His wife was very understanding and supportive, which I think was important in this case. And it definitely helped that he took his wife with him, so they wouldn't be separated for that long.