What was his secret of his successful marriage life?

Use this forum to discuss the February 2021 Book of the month, "Dream For Peace: An Ambassador Memoir" by Dr.Ghoulem Berrah
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Sushan Ekanayake
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What was his secret of his successful marriage life?

Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

There are lots of examples of those who did a great service to the world in every field. But when we look at their lives, what we see in common is that many of them have not succeeded in their family lives as they got succeed in their professional lives. But here we see a different occasion of succeeding in both. Dr. Ghoulem Berrah was happily married to his wife for forty years, till death parted them. What do you think his secret is? How did he balance his personal life with his professional life?
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Post by zainherb »

I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
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Post by Maddie Atkinson »

I think love. Real, raw heartfelt love. The kind that is hard to truly finds, but once it is found, you should never let go.
"I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence" - Augustus Waters (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
His love towards his mother might have led him to love to his wife in such a persistent manner. Yet I think his wife also had had a great contribution in their marriage life. With his career, Dr. Berrah must have not been arround his wife more often. But apparently she had understood it very well and supported her husband in whatever way she could. So Dr. Berrah might not have got any extra burden or need of any extra effort to keep going his marriage life
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

Maddie Atkinson wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 10:41 I think love. Real, raw heartfelt love. The kind that is hard to truly finds, but once it is found, you should never let go.
Maybe it is purely the heartfelt love that kept them together. But as per my opinion, only love can't keep a marriage for such a long time. When you become more mature, understanding becomes the thing that matters more. I think they both had a good understanding for each other and also his wife might have been a great support for his personal life. So he might have felt comfortable to be with her and do his job comfortably. I think that is the reason for their life long marriage life
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Post by Kaitlin Licato »

zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
I think treating her respectfully ultimately comes down to yet another thing: communication. In order to respect someone and have them respect you, good communication has to be there. Otherwise, you can be as loving as you want and the other person might still have some problems.
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

Noda21k wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 23:14
zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
I think treating her respectfully ultimately comes down to yet another thing: communication. In order to respect someone and have them respect you, good communication has to be there. Otherwise, you can be as loving as you want and the other person might still have some problems.
Indeed I agree. Good communication is well needed and well appreciated in a good relationship. If communication is good between the parties is a relationship, it will be healthy as well as long lasting. Being a diplomat, I believe that Dr. Berrah had a marvellous skill in communication and through his career he definitely might have developed it further as well. So with this basic quality which is needed for a relationship is being abundant, it is not a miracle to have such a long marriage life
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Post by zainherb »

Sushan wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 20:33
zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
His love towards his mother might have led him to love to his wife in such a persistent manner. Yet I think his wife also had had a great contribution in their marriage life. With his career, Dr. Berrah must have not been arround his wife more often. But apparently she had understood it very well and supported her husband in whatever way she could. So Dr. Berrah might not have got any extra burden or need of any extra effort to keep going his marriage life
Absolutely. I agree. Dr Berrah's wife must have carried half the load of keeping the marriage strong and carried it well.
Not many spouses can handle the demands of that kind of job.
And indeed, if one spouse is great and the other leaves a lot to be desired, that marriage can hardly survive.
So, yes, Dr Berrah's wife must have been equally awesome, if not more so.
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Post by zainherb »

Sushan wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 20:33
zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
His love towards his mother might have led him to love to his wife in such a persistent manner. Yet I think his wife also had had a great contribution in their marriage life. With his career, Dr. Berrah must have not been arround his wife more often. But apparently she had understood it very well and supported her husband in whatever way she could. So Dr. Berrah might not have got any extra burden or need of any extra effort to keep going his marriage life
Absolutely. I agree. Dr Berrah's wife must have carried half the load of keeping the marriage strong and carried it well.
Not many spouses can handle the demands of that kind of job.
And indeed, if one spouse is great and the other leaves a lot to be desired, that marriage can hardly survive.
So, yes, Dr Berrah's wife must have been equally awesome, if not more so.
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Post by Kasun Perera »

He respected women. With his religious beliefs and also his relationship with his mom led him to respect women. So definitely he had respected his wife as well as loved her. So, even he had a busy life with all of his diplomatic work, I think that his wife felt being loved and cherished by her husband. That could have been the reason for their long term marital relationship
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

OBC Reviewer wrote: 14 Feb 2021, 21:26 He respected women. With his religious beliefs and also his relationship with his mom led him to respect women. So definitely he had respected his wife as well as loved her. So, even he had a busy life with all of his diplomatic work, I think that his wife felt being loved and cherished by her husband. That could have been the reason for their long term marital relationship
That is a good point. If you respect and understand women, it is quite easy to have a long term relationship with them. Seemingly Dr. Berrah understood and respected his wife very well and he fulfilled her needs though he was in a busy and tough schedule. And it appears that his wife too understood him very well and that was the reason behind their long lasted rrelationship
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Post by Fola Moni »

I sincerely believe there are no hard and fast rules to this thing called marriage. Everyone has to figure out what works for them and go with the flow.

In Dr Berrah's case, he has the highest regard for women as evidenced by the love he has for his mother and wife. This respect translates into a happy home, thus allowing him to balance his busy professional life with his personal one.
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

Fola_M wrote: 15 Feb 2021, 19:39 I sincerely believe there are no hard and fast rules to this thing called marriage. Everyone has to figure out what works for them and go with the flow.

In Dr Berrah's case, he has the highest regard for women as evidenced by the love he has for his mother and wife. This respect translates into a happy home, thus allowing him to balance his busy professional life with his personal one.
I agree. Couples have to workout their own chemistries and choose the best way to carry on their relationships.

Seemingly Dr. Berrah had an advantage with his deep respect to women, which started with his great love and respect towards his mother. And also I believe that he got lucky to get the most matching woman as his wife. She might have understood his work load and the related stress and might have been a great companion and a great support
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Post by Barbie_sidhu »

Human mind or human behavior is a very delicate thing when it comes to personal life. Balancing personal life with work is not easy especially when one is a diplomat. One has to take out time to spend time and think for the security of one's family. The memoir is a great example of it. The author's life is worth reading about. His personal life is an example that work and family can go hand in hand.
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Post by Sushan Ekanayake »

Barbie_sidhu wrote: 16 Feb 2021, 01:10 Human mind or human behavior is a very delicate thing when it comes to personal life. Balancing personal life with work is not easy especially when one is a diplomat. One has to take out time to spend time and think for the security of one's family. The memoir is a great example of it. The author's life is worth reading about. His personal life is an example that work and family can go hand in hand.
That is true. It is one thing among many other things that we can learn from this book, how to balance personal life and professional life. Seemingly Dr. Berrah could balance these two so delicately and that could have been the reason for his success in both areas.

Yet, we should consider about his wife's supportive and understanding nature. Without that, balancing the two could have been a miracle for Dr. Berrah
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