Review of S.T.R.O.N.G.

[John Owen]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "S.T.R.O.N.G." by Kristal DeSantis.]

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4 out of 5 stars

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Unlike in the old times when high-value men were seen as those who possessed the "3 Ps" qualities (Providers, Protectors, and were skilled in Procreation/Pleasuring their partners), times have since changed, with the modern woman being more empowered, and roles, jobs, and opportunities shifting. Women are now in better positions to provide for and protect themselves. Also, being pleasured isn't a major determinant anymore. This makes only depending on the former three qualities to maintain relationships obsolete, as more is required than before. There are two types of relationships, and both work in different ways. Function-based relationships, which are common among those looking for a more traditional approach to relationships, are relationships where both partners are there for the functions the other can provide, i.e., providing, building social status, carrying on the legacy of the families involved, sex, etc. The other, more modern type, is connection-based relationships, where the partners are there for their mutual attraction to each other.

The confusion men face nowadays is that they never seem to know what women want in relationships anymore, which leads to unhealthy relationships, resentment, and separation, among other issues. "S.T.R.O.N.G.: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man" by Kristal DeSantis aims to educate men and their partners about how to build, grow, and maintain modern relationships, based on six tenets/green flags, all summed up by the acronym S.T.R.O.N.G. (Safety, Trust, Respect, Openness, Nurturing, and Generosity), what the author calls "STRONG" relationships. These qualities, if sought after, go a long way in building healthy, more fulfilling relationships and marriages. To learn more, grab a copy of the book.

This book opened my eyes to a new perspective of what can be done to build healthy relationships. The book stands out for its valuable tips and advice on how to navigate both the dating world and marriage. When I come to think of it, I now see that these tips are not just for dating or marriage alone. These tips cut across any relationships we may have, be it with our parents, siblings, bosses, co-workers, and even friends. For example, it is good to make sure we are stable to even forge healthy friendships. No one wants a friend who is selfish, can't self-regulate, has unhealthy habits, or is manipulative or dishonest. Therefore, these tips can be applied in all areas of our interactions in day-to-day life. The sections about trust and respect resonated with me, as they emphasized that we don't have to move our boundaries to accommodate other people's selfishness. I also love the way it indirectly stated that respect is a two-way transaction, and that includes respecting ourselves first. The delivery of the message was well done, and I enjoyed reading the scenarios the author presented to explain her points.

While I think this book is awesome and its tips worthwhile, there were certain areas I would want to point out. I know this will come across as criticism, but I meant it to be more of an observation. The author admits that she is not a man and may not have the experience to wholly write from a man's perspective. This, sadly, is true throughout the book. The book felt more like advice on what men should do to have healthy relationships with women. In some areas, it sounded more like men have to compromise to have a STRONG relationship. Don't get me wrong though; it's not about how the book is but about how it felt.

The author repeatedly makes assumptions, probably from a female perspective, which range from half-truths to total fallacy. One such assumption is that in the past, most relationships were transaction-based (what can be offered) and that there was little connection in the former "3Ps-based" relationships. This is further from the truth. I've seen my parents and grandparents deeply in love despite the reasons they had for attraction. In the past, partners could take a bullet for and die for their loved ones, which is just not possible if there was no genuine connection, as the book makes it seem. It also feels like the author did not take into consideration what men actually feel and experience and sounded more like "you're not doing enough, or you're not doing it right, so do this instead," when in reality, men are doing the best they can, including everything that has been highlighted in this book.

On Page 235, for instance, the author says this about men's ability to nurture (paraphrased): "men become overly dependent on finding a partner who they imagine will be the source of love and support they are searching for. This not only places an undue burden on women, but it also leads to anger, frustration, and rage against women who refuse to play that role." Nothing could be further from the truth. All that men want is not to be nurtured but to have a true connection with women. The author could try to understand what men actually feel about relationships from their own perspective and not from the perspective of what women want. The truth is, men put in their best. I recommend the author to listen to the song "What It Means To Be a Man" by Dax (specifically the remix version that features Shane, Skywalker, and other artists). The author could also try surveys and interviews, and I'm sure she'll get a new perspective with that new information.

This book gets 4 out of 5 stars. While I had some concerns, they were mere observations, and overall, the book was well written and highly informative. The book was also exceptionally edited and had no errors. This book is perfect for men and their partners who want to know the foundations of how they can build and nurture a healthy relationship.

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S.T.R.O.N.G.
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[Yasmine ZM]

This book gives a deep insight into modern relationships. The men's role in our society has become very complex and confusing at the same time. I can understand if men in general don't know what is expected of them anymore. The women's role and capabilities have evolved as well. There is two major take-aways from this book: one is that it is written from a female perspective and from a woman who has good intentions toward men (she doesn't seem to be here to criticize).
Unfortunately, she made a few assumptions about men that are incorrect. I would say, let's use this to open the debate on this very important matter: the role of both men and women in modern relationships.

[Cara Wilding]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "S.T.R.O.N.G." by Kristal DeSantis.]

The sections about trust and respect resonated with me, as they emphasized that we don't have to move our boundaries to accommodate other people's selfishness. I also love the way it indirectly stated that respect is a two-way transaction, and that includes respecting ourselves first. The delivery of the message was well done, and I enjoyed reading the scenarios the author presented to explain her points.

Hey John! Wow, I can tell you put quite a bit of effort into this review - the book must have really resonated with you! I haven't read anything recently that recognizes the changes the author speaks of in the modern world between the roles/functions of men and women and it's impact on relationships...so it feels quite relevant! This concept of a connection-based relationship versus a functional one is something I can easily see today. Much of what the author is stating, I could actually "feel" - I imagine that I'm more like her and likely her ideal audience. I find your thoughts on her work quite interesting - and quite valid. Somewhere in the middle, amidst our changing world, I'm sure we'll find a way to connect better. As always, I enjoyed reading your review and look forward to seeing more from you! Thanks so much for sharing!

[John Owen]

This book gives a deep insight into modern relationships. The men's role in our society has become very complex and confusing at the same time. I can understand if men in general don't know what is expected of them anymore. The women's role and capabilities have evolved as well. There is two major take-aways from this book: one is that it is written from a female perspective and from a woman who has good intentions toward men (she doesn't seem to be here to criticize).
Unfortunately, she made a few assumptions about men that are incorrect. I would say, let's use this to open the debate on this very important matter: the role of both men and women in modern relationships.

Hello, Yasmine. Thank you so much for leaving a feedback. You have pretty much summarized what I've talked about in my review, and I appreciate that.

[John Owen]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "S.T.R.O.N.G." by Kristal DeSantis.]

The sections about trust and respect resonated with me, as they emphasized that we don't have to move our boundaries to accommodate other people's selfishness. I also love the way it indirectly stated that respect is a two-way transaction, and that includes respecting ourselves first. The delivery of the message was well done, and I enjoyed reading the scenarios the author presented to explain her points.

Hey John! Wow, I can tell you put quite a bit of effort into this review - the book must have really resonated with you! I haven't read anything recently that recognizes the changes the author speaks of in the modern world between the roles/functions of men and women and it's impact on relationships...so it feels quite relevant! This concept of a connection-based relationship versus a functional one is something I can easily see today. Much of what the author is stating, I could actually "feel" - I imagine that I'm more like her and likely her ideal audience. I find your thoughts on her work quite interesting - and quite valid. Somewhere in the middle, amidst our changing world, I'm sure we'll find a way to connect better. As always, I enjoyed reading your review and look forward to seeing more from you! Thanks so much for sharing!

Hello Cara, it's nice to hear from you. I'm glad you find the author's perspective interesting, and I'm very sure you'll resonate with her book. It's true there's a disconnect from what we understand, especially about relationships, so this book was enlightening to me. Thank you so much for the compliment.