Review of Dementia and Our Love

[Pablo Josue Mendia]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Dementia and Our Love" by Heather Ferris.]

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5 out of 5 stars

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Dementia and Our Love: Caregiving as Spiritual Practice by Heather Ferris is a memoir that shows the challenges and spiritual growth that she experienced while caring for her husband, Gary, who suffered from Lewy Body Dementia (LBD). In fourteen chapters, Ferris shares their backgrounds and memories, exploring the balance between love, duty, and sacrifice.

Ferris begins by recounting the demands of caregiving for a loved one who has a mental illness and requires full supervision, which often leaves her exhausted and overwhelmed. Despite the exhaustion, she emphasizes the enduring strength of their love, which endured despite a debilitating disease like dementia. She recounts their journey, from Gary's confusion and loss of communication to the moments of reminiscence that connected them to their past.

Heather and Gary’s love story is rich with spiritual and community engagement. Gary's deep involvement in meditation and Buddhism shaped their relationship. Ferris details their travels to South Africa, Canada, and Zimbabwe, where they engaged in community service and meditation retreats. Through the chapters, Ferris shares how they managed to be environmentally conscious and socially active while living simply and supporting local initiatives.

Gary's dementia manifested during the COVID-19 pandemic, intensifying the isolation and challenges. Ferris shares the emotional toll of seeing Gary’s cognitive decline, his loss of independence, and the shift from a loving partner to a dependent, often unrecognizing, person. She highlights moments of connection through shared rituals like blessing food, which provided brief solace amidst the chaos.

The memoir underscores the spiritual aspects of caregiving, describing it as a selfless service that demands the caregiver to put aside their needs. Nonetheless, Ferris reflects on the importance of maintaining her identity and spiritual practice during her caregiving demands. She emphasizes that while dementia can take away memories, it cannot take away the energy of love.

Ferris details the emotional and physical toll of caregiving, including the anticipatory grief of losing a loved one gradually. She also shares the spiritual insights gained, such as open-heartedness, compassion, and living in the present moment.

I liked how Ferris showed their spiritual and personal growth as they lived a life congruent with their values. I also learned about how dementia can manifest in humans and how spirituality (and Buddhist teachings) can help caregivers through life changes. I have no dislikes or criticisms. The book is well-edited. I rate it 5 out of 5 stars.

Overall, Dementia and Our Love: Caregiving as Spiritual Practice is a memoir that shows the kindness of humans, the power of love, and the deep spiritual journey of caregiving. I recommend this book to everyone.

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Dementia and Our Love
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[Mojisola Omowunmi Omotosho]

Your detailed exploration of Ferris's memoir and its themes of love, caregiving, and spirituality is insightful. The book stands out for its portrayal of spiritual insights gained through caregiving. Your appreciation for Ferris's depiction of their spiritual and personal growth was particularly moving. Good job!