Official Review: Once An Insider, Now Without a Church Home

[nooregano]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Once An Insider, Now Without a Church Home" by Amanda Farmer.]

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3 out of 4 stars

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I’d liken Once An Insider, Now Without a Church Home by Amanda Farmer to a church stained glass window. It is haunting, and its transparency gives it a certain kind of beauty. This book follows the story of a Christian couple, Amanda and Gordon Farmer. They fall into a faith crisis when they realise that the church they served for 25 years had, over time, stealthily changed its core ideologies. After dedicating their faithful service to their local church, the couple found themselves systematically marginalised, shamed, dismissed, and gaslighted by the same leadership they had helped bring into the church. The situation got worse when they attempted to voice their concerns about the doctrine being taught and the new authoritarian practices put in place. These practices were slowly hierarchising a church wherein all members had hitherto had their voices heard and their safety and wellbeing looked after. The author identified Calvinism and Complementarianism as the source of the problems she and her husband encountered.

This book is not simply a wistful autobiography, describing an isolated and atypical incident. The author believes that others, too, are confused and hurt by the paradigm shift that is shaping thousands of modern churches. She seeks to provide some words of reassurance for those distressed by these shifts or going through a faith crisis, as well as provide a note to new church leaders to help them run happy, secure churches.

This book is incredibly detailed. I was originally a bit put off by how much the author extrapolated upon the small particulars of her life, feeling as though she was giving me too much information without any real point. I thought that maybe she was one of those authors who believed that little factual nuggets were the point of a book. Towards the middle of the story, however, I realised that this wasn’t the case. The connections were being drawn, albeit slower than I expected. I found myself enjoying the book immensely. The narrative spanned multiple years, and with the amount of factual information the book had, the context for the story was set in the most sturdy way possible. The unexpectedly pleasant outcome of this was that by the end of the book, you felt like you had always known the couple, the pastors, and the church. You could immediately and viscerally feel the nuances of their emotions, without it having to be an effortful intellectual process. Never had a book invited me so openly and vulnerably into the author’s stark indignation, uncomplicated happiness, or crushing disappointment.

Something I deeply admired about the author was her keen self-awareness and dedication to keep all the facts of the story as objective as possible without resorting to bitter slandering or unnecessary virtue signalling. The story was riddled with opportunities where she could have seriously damaged the reputation of the people that caused her so much pain. Instead, she simply stated her own strong feelings about certain ideological issues or attacked arguments she didn’t agree with in a rigorously logical manner.

Once An Insider, Now Without a Church Home is written in first person and present continuous tense, and I believe that the reader may need a little time to get used to this style of narration. Oddly enough, this gave the book a thorough and polished feel, as though you were watching a motion film instead of looking at a photo album of random and varied snapshots. The story didn’t feel ephemeral. It felt real, relevant, and accessible. You stood with her as she grew older in front of your eyes. Even if there were temporal leaps in the story, you felt like you were part of everything in between that was left unsaid. It was a very clever choice of tense.

One of the features of this book that confused me was the fact that some seemingly significant details of her life were left out, while some of the more mundane ones were expounded upon at great length. An example of this is that there was noticeably little mention of her daughter, Erin. I suppose she was not relevant to the story of their church life, but it was still a bit strange that Erin was only mentioned in a disproportionately clinical manner. The author simply stated her daughter’s age or the fact that she was going to get married. It felt as though the author, who had become an intimate and candid friend over the course of the book, was keeping secrets. It was especially puzzling in light of the things she did choose to share. On many occasions, she disclosed multiple letters in their entirety, full of information about things like window placement and church fees. However, I did not mind this particular quirk very much, as by the end of the book I was convinced that it was charming in its own way.

I would have gladly given this book a 4 star rating, had it not been for the profusion of minor grammatical errors I found in the story. They did not detract from my reading experience, but there are too many errors for me to pretend that the book does not need some editing work. This is why my rating stands at a solid 3 out of 4 stars. I would recommend this book to Christians who have experienced shame, hurt and confusion in relation to the church authority and are seeking either answers or solace. I would also recommend this book to anyone who wants to be privy to the experiential wisdom of a faithful church-goer, or anyone who wants a close friend who is accessible by way of a book.

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Once An Insider, Now Without a Church Home
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Like nooregano's review? Post a comment saying so!

[Bianka Walter]

This is an interesting storyline. I think the author is right when she intimates that this is not an isolated incident. As Mr. Dylan so wisely put it: the times, they are a-changing.
I really enjoyed your review! Thanks

[Cecilia_L]

This is an intriguing story, and sadly I'm afraid, becoming more common. Great review!

[Jlbaird85]

I concur with the idea that this is becoming more common. I feel like I have been in this place myself. It is hard to invest time and energy into growing something only to be pushed away from it. It is easy to get disillusioned. This sounds like an interesting read. Thanks for the great review!

[Agnes Masobeng]

This book has a lot of emotions invested to it and I can't imagine how Amanda and her husband must have felt to be pushed away from their hard work.

[María Andrea Fernández Sepúlveda]

It must be very hard to lose such an important community as your church and I agree a lot of people are dealing with a shift in their faith-based experiences, so this book is very appropriate. I liked very much how you analyzed and made sense of the unique author's style.
Thank you!

[ElizaBeth Adams]

Having a ministry's founding principles systematically be changed for the worse must've been heartbreaking. I am glad the author chose to share her story. Thanks for your very thorough review.

[nooregano]

This is an interesting storyline. I think the author is right when she intimates that this is not an isolated incident. As Mr. Dylan so wisely put it: the times, they are a-changing.
I really enjoyed your review! Thanks

Hahahaha! I love your comments, Bianka. They're always so personal and carefully thought out. It really means a lot! Thanks for stopping by!

[nooregano]

This is an intriguing story, and sadly I'm afraid, becoming more common. Great review!

Thanks for stopping by, Cecilia!

[Rachel Lea]

Like you, I also appreciate that the author does not lash out against the people who hurt her and instead tries to be as objective as possible. I think that shows a lot of character on her part. Thank you for a detailed and well-written review!

[Prisallen]

I agree that this does seem to be happening more lately. It happened to my sister and niece recently. It can be devastating. Thanks for a wonderful review!

[Kristin Ransome]

This seems to be something that is occurring a lot in our changing society, but has not really been put into words! The author succeeded in a very difficult task, and while not for me personally, I know many people who would likely benefit from this book! Thanks for your amazing review

[Bluebird03]

It sounds as if Mrs. Farmer did an excellent job with staying on point with the theologies that she disagreed with, rather than attack the church or members that offended her. You wrote a very thought-provoking and insightful review that I thoroughly enjoyed reading!

[unamilagra]

This sounds like the type of book who will benefit many people, as there are unfortunately many churches that do this to their members. It sounds like the book was a slow build but the payoff was worth it in the end. I like your evaluation of her writing style. It made me feel like I had a good grasp on what to expect in the book. Great review!

[CyndiA1]

I would imagine that it was hard to write an objective book about such a personal subject. It does seem like the daughter would be a key player in the story, but perhaps the daughter did not want to be in the spotlight.

Thank you for a really helpful review.