Official Review: After the Innocence is Gone

[ciecheesemeister]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "After the Innocence is Gone" by Sonja Babino.]

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4 out of 4 stars

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After the Innocence is Gone is the autobiography of Sonja Babino. The author examines the lifelong aftermath of being sexually assaulted by her fourteen-year-old brother when she was five years old. Upon learning of her son’s actions, Sonja’s mother beat him with a bamboo cane and then called the police to take him away. However, she would later not only allow him back into their lives, but she would also leave Sonja alone with him for extended periods of time and would later blame Sonja for the assaults by her brother.

Sonja’s family life was deeply troubled. Her eldest brother, with whom she would later form a positive and healthy relationship, was in jail. Her second eldest brother is the one who molested her. Her third eldest brother initially seemed to be safe but later molested her as well. Her mother would vacillate between being supportive and abusive. Three marriages ended in divorce, and Sonja had multiple unhealthy relationships. On the positive side, she had three sons with whom she was determined to have strong and healthy ties. Discovering that she had bipolar disorder and starting counseling was critical to learning healthy coping mechanisms.

As a person with bipolar disorder myself, I resonate with the author’s descriptions of periods of high energy and impressive accomplishments on the work front followed by periods of soul-crushing depression and near inertia. Similar to the author, before learning that I had type 2 bipolar disorder when I was close to 40 years old, I would often take on a second and even third job during phases of hypomania, only to end up losing all my jobs and hating myself when the depression hit. Like the author, the awful relationships I got into were the result of a combination of low self-esteem and hypomanic hypersexuality. I believed that I could “save” the abusive men that crossed my path and felt that the Universe had decreed that these dysfunctional relationships were “meant to be.”

I give After the Innocence is Gone an enthusiastic four out of four stars. The book pulls no punches. Right out of the starting gate, the author reveals her memories of being molested by her brother and his attempts to frame the abuse as an act of love. She also refuses to shy away from an unflinching analysis of her own behaviors, the root causes of those behaviors, and the work she did to build a healthy and functional life for herself and her sons.

There is nothing that I dislike about this book. It is concisely written in a personable, straightforward style. I believe that it was professionally edited. I could find only two minor errors in the text. There are some minor formatting issues where pages cut off and the next page’s number appears at the bottom of the text of the preceding page, but it doesn’t detract from the book’s readability.

I highly recommend After the Innocence is Gone to anyone who comes from a troubled background, particularly with a history of childhood sexual abuse or overt physical abuse and who may be wondering why they tend to gravitate towards unstable and abusive relationships in adulthood. I also recommend this book to anyone with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, particularly someone who has been newly diagnosed. Realizing that one is not alone in learning to cope with the chaos caused by this serious mood disorder can be deeply inspiring.

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After the Innocence is Gone
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[Anon_Reviewer]

Just the title and the cover evoked a lot of emotion in me. It's always sad when the ones who are supposed to protect you end up hurting you. This sounds like a book worth trying out. Thank you for the honest and superb review.

[AvidBibliophile]

What an incredibly traumatic period of childhood to have to try and survive. Especially at what should be an "age of innocence," where healthy relationships and coping mechanisms are generally developed within a presence of loving and protective guidance. The added aspect of bipolar disorder is also such an important struggle to shed light upon; as so many suffer, and so many others are painfully unaware of its restrictions and cyclical nuances. Thank you for providing such a lovely review.