Review of Smart Love
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Jen Nghishitende
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Review of Smart Love
[Following is a volunteer review of "Smart Love" by Vincent Fudge II.]
For some reason, I first read STUPID Divorce: The MANual, the book written after this one. However, when I read that book, I knew I had to read SMART Love: The MANual because Vincent Fudge II has a unique way of writing about his lived experience. I was not disappointed; I finished this book with even more respect for this author. Having said the two books are part of a series, they do stand-alone and can be read independently.
In SMART Love: The MANual, Vincent Fudge II takes the reader on his tumultuous relationship with his wife and the numerous attempts (mostly failed) he made to make his marriage work. To this end, the author used the SMART love methodology, a project he was working on at work, to try and save his marriage after his wife called the police on him after a physical altercation. SMART stands for “specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound”, and he introduced specific activities for him and his wife to try to save their union. When I realised the SMART love was being used the same way as the SMART goals technique I use at work, I became apprehensive because I felt this was too much work and too impersonal. I don’t know how I feel about using that to save a relationship. But that is my opinion as I found making the SMART goals technique work in my job difficult. But, if used with enough discipline, the technique does work.
What I found profound about this book is that the author did not leave a stone unturned. He revealed the truth about his marriage, no matter how troubling the details were. Most of which was disconcerting. Significantly, the author identified his shortcomings: his selfishness, his way of constantly feeling he was right in most instances, how he failed to love his wife the way she wanted to be loved, and how he put himself first before his family sometimes. He was not afraid to reveal utterly character-damaging details like leaving his young child alone for forty-five minutes and, on another occasion, leaving their other young child in a bathtub in a car seat. But he has demonstrated that he took pride in being a father. I saw these actions not as condemnable but rather as actions some parents do as a way to deal with the difficulties of parenting. What makes this even more profound is that he couples these realisations with how he finally saw that he was wrong and how he set off to correct himself. Whether that worked or not, you can find out in the book.
What I liked further was how this man was willing to be vulnerable in telling his story. This book evokes all sorts of feelings in the reader, or it did in me. I was on a constant emotional roller-coaster of anger, shock, depression, laughter, gratitude, and everything you can imagine feeling. The skill with which the author tells his lived experience is awe-striking. And while utterly depressing, it was primarily funny, like how he told the story about the cat situation and the siren! Two severe events, but they had me laughing out loud. Further, throughout the book, I thought we did not have the wife’s story to corroborate some of these assertions. Still, I slowly realised that the way Vincent told his story, he was careful not to assassinate his wife’s character. He would say they have mutual toxic traits, but while he would delve into his shortcomings, he would not divulge his wife’s attributes in as much detail. I found that special because how some people write about relationships failing tend to place loads of blame on one party instead of doing much-needed introspection.
I have so much more to write about this book, but I do not want to spoil it for people and give too much away. In the epilogue, he says: “my hope is that you found this read insightful and entertaining and that you apply any number of things you learned to your own life and relationships for the better.” My response is a big fat YES. And for numerous other reasons, I recommend this book to everyone already in or intending to be in a romantic relationship. Any romantic relationship. There are many life lessons to be learnt here. The book also ends with critical reflections on love languages, personalities, and so forth. Further, the book is primarily well-edited; I only found one error. Therefore, there was nothing at all that I did not like about the book. For this, I am happy to rate it a resounding four out of four stars.
******
Smart Love
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
For some reason, I first read STUPID Divorce: The MANual, the book written after this one. However, when I read that book, I knew I had to read SMART Love: The MANual because Vincent Fudge II has a unique way of writing about his lived experience. I was not disappointed; I finished this book with even more respect for this author. Having said the two books are part of a series, they do stand-alone and can be read independently.
In SMART Love: The MANual, Vincent Fudge II takes the reader on his tumultuous relationship with his wife and the numerous attempts (mostly failed) he made to make his marriage work. To this end, the author used the SMART love methodology, a project he was working on at work, to try and save his marriage after his wife called the police on him after a physical altercation. SMART stands for “specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound”, and he introduced specific activities for him and his wife to try to save their union. When I realised the SMART love was being used the same way as the SMART goals technique I use at work, I became apprehensive because I felt this was too much work and too impersonal. I don’t know how I feel about using that to save a relationship. But that is my opinion as I found making the SMART goals technique work in my job difficult. But, if used with enough discipline, the technique does work.
What I found profound about this book is that the author did not leave a stone unturned. He revealed the truth about his marriage, no matter how troubling the details were. Most of which was disconcerting. Significantly, the author identified his shortcomings: his selfishness, his way of constantly feeling he was right in most instances, how he failed to love his wife the way she wanted to be loved, and how he put himself first before his family sometimes. He was not afraid to reveal utterly character-damaging details like leaving his young child alone for forty-five minutes and, on another occasion, leaving their other young child in a bathtub in a car seat. But he has demonstrated that he took pride in being a father. I saw these actions not as condemnable but rather as actions some parents do as a way to deal with the difficulties of parenting. What makes this even more profound is that he couples these realisations with how he finally saw that he was wrong and how he set off to correct himself. Whether that worked or not, you can find out in the book.
What I liked further was how this man was willing to be vulnerable in telling his story. This book evokes all sorts of feelings in the reader, or it did in me. I was on a constant emotional roller-coaster of anger, shock, depression, laughter, gratitude, and everything you can imagine feeling. The skill with which the author tells his lived experience is awe-striking. And while utterly depressing, it was primarily funny, like how he told the story about the cat situation and the siren! Two severe events, but they had me laughing out loud. Further, throughout the book, I thought we did not have the wife’s story to corroborate some of these assertions. Still, I slowly realised that the way Vincent told his story, he was careful not to assassinate his wife’s character. He would say they have mutual toxic traits, but while he would delve into his shortcomings, he would not divulge his wife’s attributes in as much detail. I found that special because how some people write about relationships failing tend to place loads of blame on one party instead of doing much-needed introspection.
I have so much more to write about this book, but I do not want to spoil it for people and give too much away. In the epilogue, he says: “my hope is that you found this read insightful and entertaining and that you apply any number of things you learned to your own life and relationships for the better.” My response is a big fat YES. And for numerous other reasons, I recommend this book to everyone already in or intending to be in a romantic relationship. Any romantic relationship. There are many life lessons to be learnt here. The book also ends with critical reflections on love languages, personalities, and so forth. Further, the book is primarily well-edited; I only found one error. Therefore, there was nothing at all that I did not like about the book. For this, I am happy to rate it a resounding four out of four stars.
******
Smart Love
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Latest Review: Island Games by Caleb J. Boyer
