Official Review: Not at Your Child's Expense
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brandy29b
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Official Review: Not at Your Child's Expense
[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Not at Your Child's Expense" by Judith Fitzsimmons.]
4 out of 4 stars
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Divorce is an unfortunate reality in our society today, and many people that divorce have children that end up getting caught in the middle. It can be difficult to figure out how to shift focus from the built-up anger and resentment one is feeling to seeing it as working toward what is best for one's child or children. Not at Your Child's Expense by Judith Fitzsimmons is a combination of a mother's personal story on how she built a co-parenting relationship with the father of her child and a how-to book on how to build a co-parenting relationship with the parent of one's child. The book is filled with anecdotal stories illustrating the author's points in addition to practical, down-to-earth co-parenting and general parenting and self-care guidance and tips. The author skillfully weaves in humor throughout the book to keep the reader engaged. It is clear that the author is passionate about getting her message across: forge a civil relationship with your co-parent for your child's current and future growth and well-being.
The first couple of chapters nicely set the stage for the rest of the book. Included in the beginning chapters are the background details of the author's personal story as well as much empathy with individuals who may be struggling with separation and divorce. The author acknowledges limits of the book, particularly that her specific story may not pertain to everyone and that her tips may not be as useful for a child initially experiencing parental divorce when they are older.
The middle chapters of the book place a strong emphasis and succinct explanation of why a strong co-parenting relationship is important and how the lack of one could affect a child later in life. There is a healthy balance of the emotional difficulty of going through divorce and the importance of doing so for one's child. In the middle section of the book, numerous helpful suggestions are sprinkled in. For instance, the author discusses having a plan of using a mediator to make the communication process go more smoothly if needed, and even how to choose a mediator. The author uses many examples from her own experience as well as interesting analogies to get her messages across. For instance, in emphasizing the importance of being diligent in planning one's divorce, she points out that people often plan for their weddings down to very specific details and that planning for one's divorce is likely to have more important implications than wedding details. The author seems to have a natural knack for putting things in perspective. The middle of the book also includes a chapter on communicating with one's co-parent, how to do this, and possible (perhaps surprising and unintended) benefits to doing so.
The last couple of chapters of the book include warm, funny, encouraging anecdotal stories to illustrate the author's points as well as much discussion about self-care. Here the author again includes great ideas about parenting ideas as well as the importance of having a self-identity that is separate from one's parental role. The book ends with even more suggestions for self-care, healthy communication, and parenting dos and don'ts.
Although it is balanced with some empathy, in the beginning, the book may be perceived by some as having a judgmental, aggressive, and somewhat condescending tone toward parents who may be struggling to get along, and may turn some individuals off to reading the entire book. For instance, in Chapter 2, the author states, "If you're not able to interact with each other in a civil manner, my first question is, "What are you, three years old?"" In my opinion, the book would be most useful for parents who are fairly mentally healthy and stable to start and may be struggling to form a co-parenting relationship. Issues that may arise within a divorce situation where children are involved, such as custody battles, using children as pawns in divorce, substance use issues, children with special needs who are going through parental divorce, or several parental mental illness are beyond the scope of the book.
The book seems to mainly be written for parents who are separated or divorced and are looking for guidance in forging a healthy co-parenting relationship with their co-parent. The book may also appeal to psychotherapists and educators as it is filled with strategies for parents to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship for the benefit of the child(ren).
I rate this book 4 out of 4 stars. As a mental health professional with over 10 years of experience in working with children and families, I highly recommend this book, particularly for parents struggling with developing a healthy co-parenting relationship with their child's parent. I think the messages the book gets across are highly important for parents. The author has a very straightforward style and gets her points across in a matter-of-fact, no-nonsense manner. Divorce can be an extremely difficult on everyone personally, emotionally, and spiritually. The author also does a great job of giving parents practical guidelines on what to do and how to move forward through the divorce and afterwards specifically for the future of one's children.
******
Not at Your Child's Expense
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
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4 out of 4 stars
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Divorce is an unfortunate reality in our society today, and many people that divorce have children that end up getting caught in the middle. It can be difficult to figure out how to shift focus from the built-up anger and resentment one is feeling to seeing it as working toward what is best for one's child or children. Not at Your Child's Expense by Judith Fitzsimmons is a combination of a mother's personal story on how she built a co-parenting relationship with the father of her child and a how-to book on how to build a co-parenting relationship with the parent of one's child. The book is filled with anecdotal stories illustrating the author's points in addition to practical, down-to-earth co-parenting and general parenting and self-care guidance and tips. The author skillfully weaves in humor throughout the book to keep the reader engaged. It is clear that the author is passionate about getting her message across: forge a civil relationship with your co-parent for your child's current and future growth and well-being.
The first couple of chapters nicely set the stage for the rest of the book. Included in the beginning chapters are the background details of the author's personal story as well as much empathy with individuals who may be struggling with separation and divorce. The author acknowledges limits of the book, particularly that her specific story may not pertain to everyone and that her tips may not be as useful for a child initially experiencing parental divorce when they are older.
The middle chapters of the book place a strong emphasis and succinct explanation of why a strong co-parenting relationship is important and how the lack of one could affect a child later in life. There is a healthy balance of the emotional difficulty of going through divorce and the importance of doing so for one's child. In the middle section of the book, numerous helpful suggestions are sprinkled in. For instance, the author discusses having a plan of using a mediator to make the communication process go more smoothly if needed, and even how to choose a mediator. The author uses many examples from her own experience as well as interesting analogies to get her messages across. For instance, in emphasizing the importance of being diligent in planning one's divorce, she points out that people often plan for their weddings down to very specific details and that planning for one's divorce is likely to have more important implications than wedding details. The author seems to have a natural knack for putting things in perspective. The middle of the book also includes a chapter on communicating with one's co-parent, how to do this, and possible (perhaps surprising and unintended) benefits to doing so.
The last couple of chapters of the book include warm, funny, encouraging anecdotal stories to illustrate the author's points as well as much discussion about self-care. Here the author again includes great ideas about parenting ideas as well as the importance of having a self-identity that is separate from one's parental role. The book ends with even more suggestions for self-care, healthy communication, and parenting dos and don'ts.
Although it is balanced with some empathy, in the beginning, the book may be perceived by some as having a judgmental, aggressive, and somewhat condescending tone toward parents who may be struggling to get along, and may turn some individuals off to reading the entire book. For instance, in Chapter 2, the author states, "If you're not able to interact with each other in a civil manner, my first question is, "What are you, three years old?"" In my opinion, the book would be most useful for parents who are fairly mentally healthy and stable to start and may be struggling to form a co-parenting relationship. Issues that may arise within a divorce situation where children are involved, such as custody battles, using children as pawns in divorce, substance use issues, children with special needs who are going through parental divorce, or several parental mental illness are beyond the scope of the book.
The book seems to mainly be written for parents who are separated or divorced and are looking for guidance in forging a healthy co-parenting relationship with their co-parent. The book may also appeal to psychotherapists and educators as it is filled with strategies for parents to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship for the benefit of the child(ren).
I rate this book 4 out of 4 stars. As a mental health professional with over 10 years of experience in working with children and families, I highly recommend this book, particularly for parents struggling with developing a healthy co-parenting relationship with their child's parent. I think the messages the book gets across are highly important for parents. The author has a very straightforward style and gets her points across in a matter-of-fact, no-nonsense manner. Divorce can be an extremely difficult on everyone personally, emotionally, and spiritually. The author also does a great job of giving parents practical guidelines on what to do and how to move forward through the divorce and afterwards specifically for the future of one's children.
******
Not at Your Child's Expense
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
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Latest Review: "The Daughters' Baggage" by Diane Winger
