Review of If Only

[Jennifer Wilson 95]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "If Only" by Debi Schelhaas.]

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2 out of 5 stars

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Everyone has experienced “if only” moments: “If only I hadn't...,” “If only they hadn't...,” “If only it hadn't rained...” We all live with regrets, some that last for a moment and some that last a lifetime. The book, If Only: Could have Changed the Outcome by Debi Schelhaas, is a rambling exploration of their life, childhood, and key moments that may have changed the trajectory of their family if only something different had occurred.

If Only is a memoir focusing on childhood abuse and family ancestry. This book serves as a life review, helping the author process and move on from generational trauma. It is about inheriting the past and wanting—no, needing—to change the future. It explores pivotal moments and decisions that contributed to the perpetuation of the cycle. The memoir was written not only to examine the past and help the author find closure, but also to offer support for other family members or readers seeking to break the cycle.

Subjects discussed in If Only include how an entitlement mentality adds to the cycle of abuse and trauma. Forgiveness is also explored. Can forgiveness free us, or does it risk perpetuating the cycle? Forgiving and forgetting can be enabling; forgiving with the addition of self-protection allows us to move forward.

The author examines how their mother, unknowingly, followed in the footsteps of their great-grandmother and how the author's life mirrors their mother's in many ways. The author has used this book to process their first 50 years of life and how the cycle of generational trauma was perpetuated in their life until that point. Such trauma is difficult to overcome, and the author is very open in sharing how childhood trauma twisted their adult life and relationships. A turning point in the author's life was not a single event but rather a combination of factors: the support of a spouse, health issues brought on by stress, and witnessing the abuse continue into the next generation. These events spurred a season of self-reflection and a search into their ancestry to see how long the trauma had existed within their family tree.

Unfortunately, the book is not well written. It contains numerous sentence fragments and run-on sentences, as well as over 100 instances of incorrectly used words or incorrect tenses (e.g., “there” instead of “their,” “seen” instead of “saw”). The book would benefit from a thorough proofreading. While the stories, the discoveries, and the ability to overcome abuse are interesting and well-documented, the writing itself needs improvement. The frequent errors disrupt the reading experience, making it difficult to read quickly and requiring many sections to be reread for clarity.

Due to these issues, I give the book 2 out of 5 stars. I strongly encourage the author to have the book proofread and to consider publishing a revised edition.

Adults with an interest in generational trauma and overcoming abuse would enjoy the journey of discovery that the author spent over a decade documenting. However, readers should be aware that the challenging sentence structure and the lack of proper punctuation may hinder the reading experience.

This book is not suitable for teenagers or younger audiences because of its serious subject matter and detailed descriptions of both physical and emotional abuse.

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If Only
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[Jelani Trotter]

This review highlights the author's courage in exploring the deeply personal and often painful topic of generational trauma. It’s particularly compelling how the turning point in their journey wasn’t a dramatic moment but a gradual realization influenced by multiple factors, showcasing the complexity of healing and self-discovery. The connection between ancestry and personal growth adds an insightful layer to the narrative, making it both relatable and thought-provoking.

[Kutloano Makhuvhela]

Aw, man. This book had a big promise. But I think your review was fair and balanced. Thank you for writing it.

[Umesh Bhatt]

There are challenging times in our lives and we have to face the difficulties as they come up in our ways. The title of the book is amusing but is well chosen by the author.
Thanks for an honest review.