Lies our parents tell us

Use this forum to discuss the January 2023 Book of the Month, Good Sexual Hygiene & Spiritual Attitude: Human Ethics by Anthony A. Morris.
Forum rules
Only people who purchase and read the book can post in this forum. If you purchased the book, please upload a copy of your receipt or other proof of purchase at:

https://onlinebookclub.org/verify-purch ... ook=550484

If your purchase of a previous Book of the Month was already marked verified, you will already have access to this forum.
Post Reply
User avatar
Maduabuchi Okwiya N Eze
Posts: 481
Joined: 04 Oct 2022, 15:59
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 494
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-maduabuchi-eze.html
Latest Review: EXXXXCUUUUUSE ME? A Satire on Publishing by Richard Stephenson

Re: Lies our parents tell us

Post by Maduabuchi Okwiya N Eze »

To me, lies have huge negative effect on children, irrespective of whether it is a small lie or big lie. Parents who do so are indirectly teaching their children how to be dishonest, and this is not healthy for their development.
Chiwelite Obioma Mgbeoji
In It Together VIP
Posts: 174
Joined: 06 Jun 2022, 20:01
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 77
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-chiwelite-obioma-mgbeoji.html
Latest Review: Choices by Ogonna Juliet Nnamani

Post by Chiwelite Obioma Mgbeoji »

I think certain lies are told because at some stages in our lives, we are not ready for the truth. I believe a time should come where parents correct the lies they told their children because of their young age, however, I do not think I have met anyone who felt betrayed that their parents told them a particular lie. For the sake of knowledge though, parents should correct some wrong impressions as children grow.
AvishaJain_13
In It Together VIP
Posts: 296
Joined: 14 Jul 2021, 07:25
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 70
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-avishajain-13.html
Latest Review: 30th Century: Escape (General Audience Edition) by Mark Kingston Levin PhD

Post by AvishaJain_13 »

Being on the either extreme end is always harmful and so I think that a few, small white lies don't affect the lives of kids blatantly. However, about the things that really matter, like sexual health etc, it is imperative to be honest.
User avatar
María Andrea Fernández Sepúlveda
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5205
Joined: 27 Apr 2018, 16:22
Favorite Author: Kristin Hannah
Favorite Book: The Nightingale
Currently Reading: Killing Shore
Bookshelf Size: 2389
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-mar-a-andrea-fern-ndez-sep-lveda.html
Latest Review: You Say Goodbye by Keith Steinbaum
fav_author_id: 5604

Post by María Andrea Fernández Sepúlveda »

I think it depends on the dimension of the lie, the intention behind it, and... how long you hold to it. I mean, you don't believe in Santa anymore. And probably Santa has less of an effect than sex-ed. But I do believe kids don't need to know the ins and outs of a sexual relationship. The author focuses a lot on biological terms, and at least in my opinion, the amount of information should depend on the age of the kid, on their interest (some kids just mature sooner than others), and on the culture. Finally, I think it's also about the aspect of the lie. Consent, for example, is something that we shouldn't lie about or downplay. But some other aspects might not be life-changing at long as the adult sets the lie straight at some point.
User avatar
Cheryl Erickson
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 1023
Joined: 16 Mar 2022, 19:56
Currently Reading: 3 Sisters 3 Weeks 3 Countries (Still Talking)
Bookshelf Size: 47
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-cheryl-erickson.html
Latest Review: The Caroler by Liza Martini

Post by Cheryl Erickson »

I don't think letting your child believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny can be compared to lying about body parts, sexual hygiene, adoption, etc. You can be honest with your child about important issues if you meet them at their appropriate level of development. It depends on how old they are and if they are cognitively able to process the information.
Tracy Harris 1
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 22
Joined: 27 Dec 2022, 04:08
Favorite Book: Terms of Service
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 15
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-tracy-harris-1.html
Latest Review: Terms of Service by Craig W. Stanfill
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Tracy Harris 1 »

Lies we tell to children to protect there innocence and give them hope and joy I think are fine as long as they are little white lies such as Santa Claus existing, the easter bunny etc. The lies that could potentially harm a child are things like, "your dog went to stay on a farm" instead of allowing the child to process and develop skills to deal with grief. Those lies tend to benefit us as adults from having to deal with hard topics. They are generally not beneficial for the child.
Israel10
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 173
Joined: 01 Apr 2022, 17:16
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 44
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-israel10.html
Latest Review: Creating Wellbeing and Building Resilience in the Veterinary Profession by Sonja A. Olson, DVM

Post by Israel10 »

I definitely don’t think that some of the little harmful lies which our parents told us while growing up had an overbearing impact on the way we planned out or what our futures became.
User avatar
Rocky Ellery James Tumbelaka
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 528
Joined: 12 Mar 2022, 10:40
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 259
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-rocky-ellery-james-tumbelaka.html
Latest Review: Snippets from a Twisted Mind by Sean O’Banion

Post by Rocky Ellery James Tumbelaka »

Lies never is a good thing. It' okay to have a little fun with Santa Clause, but we shouldn't tell them outright that he is real or not. We shouldn't lie to our children, what we need to do is give them understanding. They will understand. Children are smarter than we think. It' okay to have a little fun with Santa Clause, but we shouldn't tell them outright that he is real or not.
User avatar
Hubre De Klerk
In It Together VIP
Posts: 650
Joined: 30 Jul 2022, 14:44
Favorite Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout
Currently Reading: Forged in Death
Bookshelf Size: 476
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-hubre-de-klerk.html
Latest Review: Solaris Seethes (Solaris Saga book 1) by Janet McNulty
Reading Device: B075XP6ZZ4
fav_author_id: 3720

Post by Hubre De Klerk »

I think it depends on what the lie is about. Things like Santa Clause, the Tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. definitely not damaging as I believe children have a huge imagination and this helps keep that magical world alive before we enter the grown-up world. There are too many serious kids that missed out on this phase due to circumstances that happened early in their lives.
User avatar
Shirley Ann Riddern Labzentis
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 618
Joined: 29 Nov 2022, 21:32
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 217
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-shirley-ann-riddern-labzentis.html
Latest Review: Band in the Wind by William John Rostron
2024 Reading Goal: 30
2024 Goal Completion: 53%

Post by Shirley Ann Riddern Labzentis »

I think that the little white lies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are perfectly fine. I would say that 90% of kids all believe in them. I think that to tell your child right for the start that there is no Santa Claus is doing them more harm. Imagine them going to daycare and all the others in the class believe in him and your child doesn’t will make them an outsider and possibly ridiculed by the other kids. Let them believe with the others. It’s not going to ruin their lives.
John Ikenwanze
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 158
Joined: 29 Nov 2022, 16:29
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 30
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-john-ikenwanze.html
Latest Review: Killing Abel by Michael Tieman

Post by John Ikenwanze »

I think the so called little white lies are the reason adulthood is directly synonymous with lies. When the kids grow up and recall these lies, they in turn believe it is the normal way of life. I will try to stay truthful to my kids.
User avatar
Aloe Crane
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 70
Joined: 08 Dec 2022, 11:12
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 12
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-aloe-crane.html
Latest Review: First Lessons by Lina J. Potter

Post by Aloe Crane »

MichelleYong wrote: 06 Jan 2023, 16:05 I somewhat disagree with this, lying about Santa Claus and lying about topics like this is two different matters entirely. Sometimes lies can turn into misconceptions that they will still believe in the future.
Yeah you do have a point :doh: . I just remember that the book compared any lie to sin, regardless of what the lie is. Any lie, big or small (according to the author), is Satan trying to worm his way into you or something (sorry I'm an atheist and don't quite understand this). Regardless, I do think those two are very different but I wanted to see if anyone agreed with the author as well, and why?
Itz Savaga
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 366
Joined: 21 Mar 2022, 10:40
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 70
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-bright-ukaegbu.html
Latest Review: Parent-Child Guide To Coping with Anxiety by Dessy Marinova

Post by Itz Savaga »

Little white lies don't hurt any child. It's all part of the fun of being a child. The discovery of the truth as an adult makes one smile and remember the good old days.
Nyam Bura
In It Together VIP
Posts: 175
Joined: 18 Apr 2022, 11:27
Currently Reading: When No One Else Believed
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-nyam-bura.html
Latest Review: Terms of Service by Craig W. Stanfill

Post by Nyam Bura »

I believe there is nothing like small lying. We should all be honest at all times. Most children do not trust their parents anymore after they realize that they lied to them. The parents may lie to hide some information but the peers at school will say it as it is. This will make the kids be more open with their peers than with their parents.
readingswithsoso
Book of the Month Participant
Posts: 240
Joined: 18 Jul 2022, 04:55
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 27
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-readingswithsoso.html
Latest Review: The Prophecy of the Heron by Craig W. Stanfill

Post by readingswithsoso »

Aloe Crane wrote: 04 Jan 2023, 00:34 Do small white lies to kids really harm their development and ruin their future? It doesn't seem likely to me. I don't think being lied to about Santa Claus made me depressed and disappointed by the real world. I mean, what's the harm in a little lie? Isn't lying part of our adult life?
There's a difference between lying and fantasizing together with the child.
You can tell a child that Santa Claus is a myth that many people believe it's true. Without telling your child that it is a 100% while you believe it's 100% unreal. The realization that's it's not real might not make you feel disappointed or depressed but it will certainly make you question your parents and how much you can trust their words. And that can lead to future problems. Have you wonder why you accept and normalised lying in our adult life.
Either way, adults are reasonable for themselves. Children are dependent on the adult. They need to trust them.
Post Reply

Return to “Discuss "Good Sexual Hygiene & Spiritual Attitude: Human Ethics" by Anthony A. Morris”