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Do small white lies to kids really harm their development and ruin their future? It doesn't seem likely to me. I don't think being lied to about Santa Claus made me depressed and disappointed by the real world. I mean, what's the harm in a little lie? Isn't lying part of our adult life?

I agree with you on that. A parent may tell a lie to make a child happy, as in the case of Santa, but as the child grows, he will find out it was all fake, and anger or disappointment is never felt after a discovery like this. However, not telling adopted kids about their background do cause a lot of anger, and it's better to be more open with the child about his background.

This will include tails such as Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, and others. I don't think that lying to kids about this will influence their adult life. After all what harm is there in lying about fictional characters existing in the real world. It is important to tell adopted children about their background since withholding information will most definitely influence their adult life.

I hadn't even thought about adopted children, thank you for your input! That's not even considering other lies we tell children. Like what are the effects of just omitting the truth from children? Like not telling them the true effects of obesity and sugar? Or sex? Or even misinformation?

The truth is that lie is lie and it is dangerous to bonding between parents and children. It doesn't matter the nature of the lie. In fact, it is even difficult to trust people who can lie with "things of little significance." And again, response to lies varies from person to person.

Lies about Santa and some imaginary beings may be harmless for children. But when it comes to sexual hygiene and knowledge of their body parts, I find that it is absolutely important to tell zero lies, as they can be both harmful and dangerous.

Lies about Santa and some imaginary beings may be harmless for children. But when it comes to sexual hygiene and knowledge of their body parts, I find that it is absolutely important to tell zero lies, as they can be both harmful and dangerous.

Aloe Crane wrote: ↑04 Jan 2023, 00:34 Do small white lies to kids really harm their development and ruin their future? It doesn't seem likely to me. I don't think being lied to about Santa Claus made me depressed and disappointed by the real world. I mean, what's the harm in a little lie? Isn't lying part of our adult life?

I believe in situational ethics. Growing up, I asked my parents where children came from. They were not straightforward in their responses and would take me in rounds, especially as my cognition grew, there were lies about the origin of children that would not make sense to me. Imagine my school when I got to school, received sexual education then learnt how exactly children are made. Looking back, I don't feel betrayed by my parents. I feel protected from the truths that I may not have been ready for. It's the same case for adopted children. Imagine telling your biological children that a boy or girl they've always thought was their elder brother or sister is biologically not related to them. It will create a sense of stigmatisation and victimisation in the worst case scenario. In the latter case, I think it's best to wait until an age where the children can comfortably accommodate such information.

I believe small white lies don't do any harm to children. But I won't consider lies about sexual hygiene as small white lies. It ok to not go into details of certain topics at certain age. But sexual questions should be answered honestly as children are very impressionable and not get our humour.

I think it definitely depends on the child's age and the extent of the lie. Many times, lies are necessary because children are too young to understand the truth. Other times, they are harmless, like with Santa Claus.

As a mother of an adopted kid, I will never forget the moment I told him the truth- at 6 years old, before starting school. His first question was WHY did you Lie to me? I explained that he had been too young to understand clearly and he soon calmed down. But about sexual issues, it was he who came back from school with a condom and explained to me what it was and its use, when he was only 8...so what white lies could I say from then on?

It's always wise to be truthful. Parents should always be honest and forthright. Tell the children where babies come from, where Santa Claus originated, etc. However, it's my belief that all this must be done when the child is old enough to understand. In the end, we will want them to be honest with us.

Sometimes a parent has to lie about it, most especially if the child is young. During the days of my secondary school, I ask my dad what pleasure people see in sex that makes them want more and he answered that there is no enjoyment in sex than having children, he add that those people doing it outside the marriage do it without any gain. Although this was a lie but it save me at that particular time.

I somewhat disagree with this, lying about Santa Claus and lying about topics like this is two different matters entirely. Sometimes lies can turn into misconceptions that they will still believe in the future.

Lies that keep kids being kids aren't bad. Though one day they do need to be told the truth.