Can love be rationalised by checklist?

Use this forum to discuss the February 2023 Book of the Month, "Mark Victor Hansen, Relentless: Wisdom Behind the Incomparable Chicken Soup for the Soul" by Mitzi Perdue.
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Helen Akoth
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Re: Can love be rationalised by checklist?

Post by Helen Akoth »

I don't think it's bad at all to set standards or have expectations of the kind of relationship you want after a divorce or break-up. But then, one also has to be realistic, as people do change and the fact that a person is ABC right now does not mean they'll remain the same way in the future. I think the key to any relationship is communication and not really a checklist.
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Post by Catalina Isabel »

It makes me remember my younger days of trying to make "pros and cons" lists for someone I may date, or a job, or travel. I think it's something we may do if we are trying to rationalise and make decisions, or even justify our thoughts and actions. I don't think love could ever be that simple; it is completely subjective and different for everyone.
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Post by Shanesha Sammerson »

Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that cannot be fully rationalized by a simple checklist. While certain criteria, such as shared values, compatible personalities, and physical attraction, can be important factors in determining whether or not two people are well-suited for a romantic relationship, love involves much more than just ticking off items on a list.

Love involves a deep emotional connection between two people that transcends simple rationalizations or checklists. It involves feelings of affection, empathy, and understanding, as well as a willingness to work through challenges and support each other through both the ups and downs of life.

While it's important to have some criteria in mind when choosing a partner, ultimately, love is a complex and deeply personal experience that cannot be fully reduced to a checklist. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to take risks, and to open oneself up to the possibility of deep emotional connection with another person.
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Post by Claire Twy »

Olga Markova wrote: 20 Feb 2023, 12:47 The book mentions the checklist of 267 qualities, values and characteristics of an ideal life partner Mark made for himself after his divorce. The abbreviated list of 100 of these traits is published in Chapter 17 of the book. I appreciate Mark's thoughtfulness in his trying to understand his own expectations so thoroughly and in such detail, but I personally would not care to be assessed against any like checklist - that makes me feel as if I were an item of furniture or other property. What do you think?
I feel like we all have our own expectations of what our future life partners will be like and I see nothing wrong with having a checklist to see if the people we meet can measure up to it. However, my advice is to be flexible and open to changing the checklist from time to time. No one is perfect, and if we don't accept that and refuse to see past the characteristics and values written down, we may be alone forever. In summary, a checklist is fine because it allows you to see what you look for in a partner, but don't treat it as a bible and be open-minded to change.
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Post by Amy Luman »

A checklist could be helpful. It would help you to remember what is really important; things you're likely to forget when you're first meeting someone you really like. Of course, you shouldn't be reliant on it as your only tool.
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Post by Nemanja Jankovic »

I think that the checklist of qualities, values ​​, and characteristics of an ideal life partner is only a consequence of the experience that the divorce brought to Mark.
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Post by Samantha Barnes 3 »

I don't agree that love can be rationalized like a checklist. Using that method may work with furniture and pets, but people are an entirely different story. If someone use a checklist method on me during dating, it would make me feel like property.
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Post by Andrada Madalina »

I don't think that a checklist for an ideal partner is essential because two partners can shape each other and mold each other. It is good to know our expectations from a possible partner and to design him according to the qualities we would appreciate in him. However, from my point of view, it is more useful to see what we can offer in a possible relationship than just tick off the claims we have from others.
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Post by Jesse Shon Voyamba »

It's rather unfortunate that people are under the delusion that there are perfect partners for them, hence, they must set out to find the perfect partner. For me, I believe in finding someone I am attracted to, fall in love with that person, and learn from each other as our love grows. Looking for the right partner always lead to disappointment because often times, people become broken when those supposed perfect partner disappoints them.
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Post by John Ikenwanze »

No, no, no. I mean why is it called love then? If you want to rationale for love, with a checklist? It is not love then. Why? Because love is without reason, without rules. That is my opinion.
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Post by Thera reads »

Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that cannot be fully rationalized or reduced to a simple checklist
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Post by Meghan Soderholm »

This was the part of the chapter I reflected on. Since Mark went through a difficult divorce with Patty, this motivated Mark to focus on his relationship with Crystal, and he chose to do it through a checklist. If a checklist will help you find your soulmate, go for it! There are no rules in love. The goal is to find your perfect match. Also, communication is key.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift and that is why we call it the present.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
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Post by James Williams Uzo »

I believe love should be rationalized by checklist. People should make a list of the values and qualities they want in a partner and make sure the intending partner satisfies at least 80% of the qualities in the list to get their commitment to avoid the culture of divorce.
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Post by Cheryl Erickson »

I don't think a list would work for everyone, especially me. Some people look great on paper but don't make a great match. I pay more attention to how my partner makes me feel. There's nothing like that amazing feeling in your heart like true love.
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Post by Tommy Mayengbam »

Call it the Law of Attraction and Manifestation, but I do find that a bit far-fetched.

I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Crystal has all of those 267 traits. So, she has everything he wished for in a partner. I mean, is that even possible?
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