Question over a long-standing marriage
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Re: Question over a long-standing marriage
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We do not know the full story as both parties refused to comment on this. Perhaps it was Patty who wanted out of the marriage, not Mark. They have come to a point where they could not make each other happy anymore. If their daughters lived within an unhappy couple, they would be unhappy as well. The couple stayed together for 27 years, they each changed during that time and could not reconcile their differences anymore.Slater678 wrote: ↑11 Feb 2023, 10:32 After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?
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I believe that is a hard question to answer. I grew up believing and thinking that you should marry one time and work through the problems. I found however, that some things in life are not that simple. I ended up divorcing after being married for 22 years and having 2 children. Sometimes divorce is not the worst thing for kids to go through. In my case it was more damaging to my kids for me to stay in the marriage, and I feel they have become stronger, better adults than they would have. I wish it wasn't that way, but every case is different.Eva Nyaburi wrote: ↑05 Apr 2023, 02:39 I believe that is a hard question to answer. I grew up believing and thinking that you should marry one time and work through the problems. I found however, that some things in life are not that simple. I ended up divorcing after being married for 22 years and having 2 children. Sometimes divorce is not the worst thing for kids to go through. In my case it was more damaging to my kids for me to stay in the marriage, and I feel they have become stronger, better adults than they would have. I wish it wasn't that way, but every case is different.
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There's a lot that goes behind the scenes in a relationship we don't see. I would think that a divorce after such a long time would definitely be very painful for both and I'm sure they tried multiple solutions, if not of themselves then for their family. But it didn't work out for them and I think they both moved on in their own way.Slater678 wrote: ↑11 Feb 2023, 10:32 After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?
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Most times, what we see in people's marriages from the outside is different from the realities that they are two couples facing.
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The book does not tell why they got divorced, it does not go into detail and we cannot judge without having every part of the information, and that is something we can get *only* if we are part of that couple. Congenital optimism does not mean someone who is unable to move on with their lives or understand that not every relationship is forever, being optimistic is also what allowed them to end everything with good standing, they never talked bad about each other.Slater678 wrote: ↑11 Feb 2023, 10:32 After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?
And no, no marriage should remain "for the sake of their daughters", because once love is gone, you are only tolerating someone and causing pain to each other, and that includes their daughters. Children and adults need to learn to heal and have a life on their own, regardless of what their family and friends think and need. Their daughters needed two parents that cared for them and respected each other, not two married parents who no longer could be together. Besides, who says a stepmother/stepfather is evil and will not enrich your life?
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