Can love be rationalised by checklist?
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Re: Can love be rationalised by checklist?
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My husband and I ended up reading this chapter together and laughed at a lot of the items on the list. "User friendly" was definitely one of them . I also felt like I didn't measure up to the list at all, although we acknowledged that getting healthy eating and fitness under your belt seemed more possible at a later stage of life. All I can say is I'm glad my husband never showed me a list of what he expected.Naghma Qureshi wrote: ↑21 Feb 2023, 11:34 I totally agree with you on this. The list does look like a checklist for selecting some items such as furniture or a car. The fact that Mark made this list shows how concerned he was about finding a way to find that perfect partner. But the list seems funny at places as well as highly subjective too with no clear definition. For example: who calls a person "user friendly"? It could have been used for humor but the if the person of interest reads it, may take offense. Similarly, "slender and radiantly fit"? What if the person loses that "fit" over time? Then there are items like "great personality", "wonderful", "magnanimous" etc. which are not self-explanatory. They are highly subjective. But after reading the whole chapter I feel Mark's point was that you can get what you are looking for and your heart will know what these items mean to you.
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We also need to consider that there are different types of loves. There is the crush, which is a strong attraction to someone, it has the sparkles, the magic and all the shine. But ultimately, the same way it came it can also depart, unannounced and brutal; and love is over.
On the other hand, there is the big Love. You end up loving someone because they are what you need, perhaps they complete you, or you care deeply for each other. And how do you know what you need from your partner (a quick checklist)? Perhaps it is their smile that you like, the way they smell or the way they carry themselves (note: all of this was in Mark's checklist). You keep on falling in Love over and over again because they ticked the boxes.
Notes: 1- I find Mark's checklist way too long and exaggerated, there shouldn't be that many items listed (he listed over 200 characteristics over a few months). I would think the more items on that list, the less chances to find someone. I laughed as I went through it, some things were just ridiculous. Perhaps a checklist with 10 items is reasonable?
2- We shouldn't have to check all the boxes of one's checklist. If you find someone with at least 70% of what you are looking for, I would say go for it! Give that new relationship a try! Your probably found your soulmate.
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