Pronouns to use when writing in 3rd person

[Aspen_Reads]

Lately, I have been writing an novel. I am almost 6,000 words in, and I am writing in third person. When I re-read what I have already written, all I am using is She and He. She walked along campus, he hurried to class. What do you all do to break up using the same words to call your characters?

[moderntimes]

First of all, Aspen, check your typography. Your message posted in all red for some weird reason. It's kind of annoying.

Okay... I'm a mystery novelist with 3 finished and I'm starting the 4th plus a new supernatural horror novel, at about 8000 words so far -- so you'll know where I'm coming from.

Just use the names of the characters, first thing to do. "Judy was angry at her father." "Mark thought about last night." So proper names instead of pronouns.

Next, if you're using the narrative of a paragraph or two, and only one person is being "tracked" then you only need use the pronoun sparingly... "Mark thought about last night. The dinner party had been fun, but afterward things got a little out of hand when Kevin showed up drunk. There was almost a fight but after Kevin left the party went on nicely until nearly two in the morning. "Now I've got a damn hangover!" Mark was angry with himself.

And so on... use proper names and possessive forms and such. And good luck with your novel!

[Aspen_Reads]

Thank you so much! This will help me a lot!

[ALynnPowers]

Mix it up a little and don't always use the people as the subjects of the sentences.

[KS Crooks]

You can also play around with tense. For example you can say "When he say the colour of the car he became annoyed" or "The car annoyed him when he saw the colour."

[moderntimes]

Aspen, I'm posting below what I just wrote last night, although I edited much of the horrific stuff due to forum rules. I'm writing a supernatural thriller (Lovecraftian) and here's a short excerpt where a brutal murder scene is being examined. Dialogue is tricky here because there are several characters speaking, so I have to identify them as they speak, but not make it: Cramer said.... Nagura said... but instead I vary the way I label the characters and their dialogue. Remember that this is very rough text --- last night I wrote about 3000 words of the new novel, and I've not revised it at all, so it's not honed yet. But it does hopefully illustrate how to vary the pronouns (and nouns) of the characters. And yeah, this will be a full blown bloodbath of a novel, lotsa gore and nasty stuff -- what you see here is mild compared to the text that I actually wrote...

“Who did this? And why?” Lieutenant Kazitas’ question went unanswered. She stood there like everyone else, gazing at the carnage.

“Chief Cramer?” Kazitas asked him directly. “What happened?”

Cramer shook his head. “I saw things like this during the war, but always from a bomb or missile. There was no explosion here.” He turned to the pathologist. “Doc? Any ideas?”

Nagura was just as unsettled as the others. “I’ve not got a clue, frankly. I’ve investigated all sorts of accidental and intentional deaths. This takes it, hands down.” He pointed at certain things. “I can see two adult victims.”

“So what’s your best guess?” Cramer asked.

“Someone killed two men, perhaps using a chain saw. But not methodically. Almost random.” Nagura took puff from the cheap cigar he held, grimaced. “Nasty crap, tobacco.”

Agent Turlington spoke. “There was a similar killing here at Port Victory years back.”

Cramer nodded. “We can call Doc Zimmerman. She should have that in her files.”

“The local medical examiner, right?” Nagura asked.

“Yeah,” Cramer replied. “Doc Zimmerman’s great but she’s in her sixties now, needs a break now and then.”

Nagura stepped carefully around the blood and body parts, surveying the devastation. “Anybody else notice?”

“Notice what?” Turlington replied.

“Their heads. Their heads are gone.”