Developing Dialogue?

[Jesska6029]

I have recently been struggling with developing dialogue between characters. I feel like I am forcing it, and I am worried that will come across when people read it.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Does anyone know any techniques to improve the flow of dialogue?

[moderntimes]

A few suggestions...

When I first started writing dialogue, I made my characters act like puppets and put words into their mouths, "making them" say what I wanted. This fell totally flat.

Eventually I learned that I first needed to create "real" people as characters, with their own motivations, educational differences, social backgrounds, etc. Then I set the characters into a scene and let them speak on their own, while I simply took dictation. Of course, this is just a psychological trick, since all the dialogue (and the characters themselves) comes from inside your head. But it's a good trick to play and helps you write realistic dialogue.

Another essential thing is to read aloud (to the 4 walls or to the cat or dog, whichever) so your ears actually hear the spoken phrases that the characters are speaking. This helps you adjust the rhythm and sentence structure so that it sounds like real people.

And emulate a real conversation. I review books and I've come across dialogue that is totally flat. One character speaks for a long paragraph, no interruptions at all, long sentences, perfectly phrased, like a written speech or an essay. Then that character stops and is quiet, and the other character replies in equally long, uninterrupted sentences. This is the kiss of death.

Realize that genuine dialogue is full of pauses, short sentences, a conversation where the other person speaks and often interrupts. Try to write dialogue this way.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Yeah, I'd say to visualize it in your head like a scene from a play or TV show. You've gotta catch the moment of the interaction and feel it, like it's happening (in your head) right now. If a scene lacks that immediacy, it might fall flat.

One way that I practiced this when I was younger (maybe your age?), was that I would journal all the conversations I had in real life. Keeping a diary or whatever is less effective if you just put your feelings and stuff in there. If you take scenes from your recent life and turn them into narration with dialogue, you can start to comprehend how "natural" conversations flow. I'd say you can do that right now, assuming you've interacted with anyone today (in person). Like, seriously, I did that for years. I had... maybe eight diaries altogether. Just call this the Anne Frank method of learning. Good luck, and if you want to throw us a dialogue, we might be able to help!

[moderntimes]

[Conversation between my Houston private detective Mitch King and his big rough pal, Tony Vee. They are at a rustic tavern “The Ship” where a silly game of indoor golf was earlier played, just for fun. “Meierhoff” who’s mentioned is a friend of Mitch and a homicide detective. I’ve altered some of the stronger curse words but otherwise this little excerpt is just as written from my new novel, “Blood Vengeance”, Copyright 2015. Hopefully this illustrates a realistic dialogue between two pals that moves to a serious subject. Comments are appreciated.]

It was a little after ten and the weather had chilled to about eighty. Tony and I sat on an old fashioned wooden swing on the front porch of The Ship. We were side by side but had placed ourselves as far apart as possible, like a teenage couple being surveilled by the girl’s father just inside the house, peering out the front widow.

Tony and I both laid off the beer, he drinking Ozarka spring water, myself a Coke. “Fun game tonight,” I said.

“Least nobody got killed.”

“There is that.”

We lazily swung back and forth, more from random body movement than deliberate intent. A local rock band started their gig in the barn area behind us and we could hear the bass rhythm. We earlier watched them set up and they looked about twelve years old. Like most clubs, patrons at The Ship become younger as the evening proceeds, the 30ish golf crazies gradually replaced by kids whom I knew had been carefully ID’d as at least twenty-one but didn’t seem much older than the band.

“Wanna go back and listen?” Tony asked.

“Naw.”

“Mind if I smoke?”

“Naw.”

Tony retrieved a leather case from his jacket, took out a small cigar, considered it a while, put it back. “Too much work.”

“Golf wears you out.”

“A considerable challenge,” Tony remarked. “The course at The Ship, not quite Pebble Beach, though.”

Tony and I sat quietly a while, then he said, “Street talk is you’ve been hangin’ with the Perdon cousins, Ricardo and Angel.” He pronounced the name correctly, Anhel.

“Damn. I went through this junk with Meierhoff. Now you?”

“Perdons work for Julie Cards. Of course you know that.”

I sipped my Coke, stayed quiet.

“Julie Cards’ real name is Julio Cardozo,” he said.

“I know that too.”

“Julie Cards is into all sorts of stuff.”

“And you’re not?” I countered.

“Point taken.”

Tony half turned toward me, spoke just above a whisper. “Rumor that the girl, Cheryl, Cherie, whoever she is? Went through all that junk with her crazy stepsister? You were down with that. Rumor she’s mixed up with Julie Cards.”

I sighed. It was inevitable that Cheryl’s name would eventually surface as connected with Julio Cardozo. “Do me a favor,” I asked. “Don’t pass it on about Cheryl Stern. She’s had enough bad mojo come her way.”

“Won’t say a word, dude. But way I heard, Cardozo’s her real father.”

I looked out across the skyline. “You know what that would mean, it becomes general knowledge?”

“A’course. Cardozo’s made enemies. Most gangs won’t touch a family member, but some don’t give a damn.”

“Which is why nobody needs to speculate further on that,” I said.

“Nobody’ll ever hear it from me, dude. You and I are tight. You know that, Mitch.”

“I know.”

“Maybe you wanna tell me how you’re connected, though?”

“You ask a lot of questions for a guy who’s so large.”

“I’m just a big curious kid, wants to know stuff.”

“I happened to be there when Cheryl needed somebody last year. Meierhoff was with me, too. You know all that. She phoned me last week, asked for help again.”

“What about?”

“Nobody,” I said. “Nobody knows this except the Perdon cousins, other insiders.”

“Lips sealed, dude.”

“Cardozo had a stroke, a bad one. He’s essentially paralyzed, can’t speak, nobody knows for certain whether he’s still there inside, or just an empty shell.”

“Damn,” Tony said. “If word got out…”

I nodded. “A takeover war. Lots of blood.”

“So the Perdon boys are running things now?”

I shook my head. “Cheryl is. With their help, of course.”

“Jeez. She’s what, twenty?”

“Eighteen actually. But she’s a natural leader. How and why I have zero idea. Of course, the Perdons are the organization and give orders to others. Cheryl’s stepped in, learned the ropes, making more and more decisions. She’s also taking the business legit.”

Tony chuckled. “Gangsta gal. Who woulda thunk it. And you’re what?”

“I’m nothing. Cheryl trusts me, so we talk occasionally.”

“And Julie Cards?”

“He just sits in a wheelchair next to her,” I said. “Sometimes he cries.”

[zeldas_lullaby]

I like it!

[KS Crooks]

Try letting the scene guide your dialogue. Give the characters a reason to talk to each other. Start with dialogue that advances the story. Once this feels comfortable add conversations that add flavour to your story. Also consider the manner in which the characters speak. Try giving each one a different set of words, phrases or tone they use regularly. You can make the dialogue exaggerated to make sure it has the style you want and then soften it to the level you needed, Hope this helps.

[moderntimes]

Those are excellent suggestions, KS. As you can see from the example I posted, all the criteria in your recommendation were followed.

Critical in dialogue is that each character speak with his or her own voice. Each person has certain speech patterns, syntax, choice of vocabulary. Letting each character speak (in your mind of course) is maddeningly difficult at first but it's essential that dialogue ring true.

Fantasy writers often make the mistake of assuming, "Hey, it's fantasy, not realistic like a murder mystery set in modern New York. So I don't have to pay that much attention to realistic speech." when in fact this is what makes some fantasy deadly dull and turns me off from reading it further. Just because someone is a sorcerer or knight errant doesn't mean that they aren't human in motivation and therefore have humanistic drives, therefore human speech patterns. But too often, the "sorcerer" or "prince" or whomever sounds pompous and forced, like they were reading a badly prepared speech. Booooring!

My example above is not meant to brag -- it's an example that I hope others in this thread will look through and comment on. If there are flaws in my example conversation, let's chat about them. But if the dialogue rings true, then I hope it's a good example of how to build a conversation.

Note, for example, that I don't have "he said" and "I said" and "he said" on and on and on. That gets boring. I vary the taglines so that they seem to flow naturally. Or at least I try to do that.

[Jesska6029]

Thank you all for the tips and examples. I am a young writer, so I know I'll just have to find my groove. I'll definitely post some of my stuff on here if I get stuck again! Thanks again!

[moderntimes]

We're always glad to assist.

My primary recommendation is to read all your dialogue aloud, even if you're the only person listening. Hearing the actual words spoken will help you greatly in forming a natural-sounding dialogue. And remember that real people speak in fits and spurts and are interrupted (even if cordially) by others in the conversation.

And one major point that we've not discussed yet. Do NOT try to write in dialect! In other words, if someone's from the deep South, or Irish, or Cockney, or native language is maybe German, don't try to create dialogue that "sounds like" a brogue or accent.

If for example, the speaker is from Alabama, she might say "y'all" but leave it at that. Don't try to fake a southern accent. Or if the speaker is from Germany, simply say that his accent was noticeable but that his English was otherwise clear.

Writing in dialect is passe' and considered a bad direction to go in modern fiction. Just a word of advice.