Mental illness does not have to be a cage

[Green Eyes 36]

I have bipolar disorder 1 with psychotic symptoms, borderline personality disorder, and agoraphobia. There are times when I'm in a depressive episode and just don't feel like writing. What I do at those times is I put it in the story. Almost all of my main characters are based on myself to some extent and they always suffer with a mental illness because it's a part of who I am. I let my character deal with it and try to work it out through my writing. It doesn't always work. Sometimes I'll just write a short essay or if I can't manage that I'll journal. Writing keeps me from cutting. Sometimes I have this wish that if by the end of my character's story she's ok then I will be too.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Hey, I'm kind of the same way, with my writing, or at least, I have been lately! (My characters have been working through some issues.) And thanks for sharing... sometimes I feel like the only person out there with psychosis issues. I wish there was more tolerance for our issues, you know? If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

[Green Eyes 36]

I appreciate that. I think it's a good way to work through what we go through. Right now I"m experiencing a certain psychotic symptom which I've given to my character. There's a lot of stigma out there especially when you talk about psychotic symptoms, it frightens people. Trust me, you're not the only person.

[Lisalovecraft]

It is a shame there is such a stigma with mental illness. They need to be seen like the medical disorders they are. You don't tell some one with high blood pressure to snap out of it, or avoid people with diabetes because you don't understand the disorder that well. But say depression, schizophrenia..its a different story. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for much of my life, but it's not something I usually talk about because I don't want to be judged. It's inspiring to see so many people here open up and be supportive here. I think that dealing with issues through writing is a really healthy way to cope. There have been so many great artists and authors who have struggled with various types of mental illness and were able to channel it in a more positve way into their work.

[zeldas_lullaby]

God bless you both, Green Eyes and Lisa LC. You know, you're right about the stigma, and there's a part of me that thinks we can beat the stigma by speaking up and not hiding. And you are so right, Lisa. What's up with high blood pressure and diabetes being socially acceptable, but as soon as you admit you have a mental illness or mental issue, people just freak?
To Green Eyes: I bet your character finds a clever way to deal with the psychotic symptom!!
To both of you: THANK YOU!!

[Green Eyes 36]

Lisalovecraft and zeldas lullaby, You're both right we can't be ashamed of it. I used to keep my mouth shut because I didn't want to make people uncomfortable until I realized if they're uncomfortable that's their problem not mine. And lisalovecraft, people are so much more accepting of medical conditions, you're absolutely right. I suffer from migraines and when I post on Facebook that I've got one people are commenting and so sympathetic but if I post something about how I'm struggling with my symptoms I may get a select few who'll comment. People are afraid. And zeldas lullaby, my character is struggling with it right now along with a bunch of outside stress. Did you ever hear of that quote, the writers job is to get the character up a tree and throw rocks at them? Well that's what I'm doing right now. I haven't quite figured out how she's going to deal with her little problem but it's a romance novel so I'm sure the man she's seeing will play a part. I think you're both very brave to talk about what you go through on here. Sometimes I feel very alone in my struggles so thank you both.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Keep me posted! I want to find out how this romance of yours ends. It sounds promising. It's uncanny that you and I are writing in a similar style right now--my character isn't dealing with a romance, but definitely with trees and rocks. (No, I've never heard that quote! It makes sense, though.) I do have a surprise ending up my sleeve!

Thank you for the bravery comment. I like to think of myself that way.
I'm going to go off on a tangent here, since we're talking about this...
My mental illness is fairly solidified, but I don't want a cure. Being paranoid helps me to see when people may not be trustworthy. What's weird is that I used to be very naive and trusting. Then I did a complete 180. Now I realize I need to find balance, but I'd rather be here than where I was. I was pushed too hard by some bad people, and something in me changed. I found my voice. I quit being submissive and tolerant and started calling people on their evil deeds. I realize I did a 180 there too and need to find balance, but again, same thing: I'd rather be here than there. Like seriously, in high school, if someone did something wrong to me, I'd think, "Oh, well. That person probably had my best interests at heart." What I've learned through my suffering is not something I'd ever want to go back in time and undo. To me it is priceless. (Actually I want to go back in time and confront people in a way I never did then.)
Now, I think I was born with weak brain chemistry that was just waiting to break down. I was terrified of Evil Spirits for over six years before I finally came to see that there are no Evil Spirits making bad things happen to us on purpose--the darkness is in human nature. It was years before I was ready to acknowledge that, and during those long years the issue felt insurmountable. Turns out, it wasn't. I never gave up, I never quit trying, and I finally found my answers. I don't see my brain wiring as a weakness on my part. Why anyone out there does see it as a weakness is beyond me. Why the fear? Why the hate? I don't know, but some people are just shallow and not worth knowing. (As a psych major, this is still beyond my comprehension.) You make a good point GreenEyes that it's their issue if they're uncomfy with mental illness.
I think we should feel empowered because we have overcome obstacles and developed compassion, and we are strong. Mental illness is not a weakness--it is a different state of awareness. It can be used like any state of awareness to learn and grow and be amazing. It's a part of the fabulous journey of life.
I hope that didn't sound too gushy.

[Green Eyes 36]

No it didn't sound too gushy. Thanks for sharing some of your struggles. I go to a partial care program 2 days a week, I've been going for years and it was a full year before I shared anything in group therapy because of my trust issues. I do talk in group therapy now but I save the super private stuff for my private sessions with my therapist. It's hard to trust people, even those who are in the same boat. The only problem I've encountered when it comes to my writing and my illness are my psyche meds. For the record I"m NOT telling anyone to stop taking their medications. But there have been times when I fought with my psychiatrist about my medicine. I told him I wrote better when I wasn't on medication. I even went so far as to stop them myself, something I DO NOT recommend. Needless to say it didn't end well. I just go through these periods where I feel like I write better when my mind falls back into chaos. I really hate that the medicine kills the creativity but it's the price I have to pay to feel better. And it's not like I write terribly on medication, my stuff is still good for the most part. I guess I went off on a tangent. Sorry.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Oh, hey, that's OK, so did I.

I have dealt with the same issues. Medicine can kill creativity. Sigh. It's a constant balancing act, isn't it? I'm in a situation of moderation: I'm half-creative, half-sane, all the time. Honestly, that works pretty well for me. I accept a certain amount of paranoia in everyday life and have a certain level of creative energy. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you find a good balance too!

Hey, I have been there! HA HA. Oh yeah. If I go off my meds, just run. Run fast and far.

-- 10 Feb 2015, 00:18 --

Green Eyes, I love the avatar you added! It's gorgeous.