Flash critique game

Starchaser3000 · Post by **Starchaser3000** » 12 Jan 2012, 14:22

Here are the rules.

1. Post just a modest specially selected PARAGRAPH of your own scenes. Such as action, comedy, racy innuendo, or word serious. It does not have to be fiction fantasy, but it would be preferred.

2. Then I will post a paragraph of my own that I deem comparable in fitting a similar scene.

Just thought it would be interesting to compare my writing style with others without having to read and critique lengthy 5 to 10 page posts.

bkwalker · Post by **bkwalker** » 06 Apr 2012, 10:57

Okay, is this what you're looking for? I am taking a paragraph from my YA Fantasy. It's a small paragraph.

Raquim poured himself a Scotch, watching the dark liquid swirl into the glass. Savoring the first sip, he slowly turned toward his son tasting the lie coming from his lips. “Son, we are considered fugitives. If the Counsel figures out we have left, it will be the death penalty for us all. We need to keep this family safe.”

steve p · Post by **steve p** » 07 Apr 2012, 14:08

Go on then, I'm game...

They saw the Grandmother’s underwear long before they neared the top of the brow. It flapped like bunting in the breeze, strewn upon washing lines strung weblike about the town well, the sundial that was always slow, and the nose of the Roaming Stone. The underwear was a signal, in a way, to those at the Town Hall, which was clearly visible, nestled amongst the buildings of the town below. The signal said: I still have the brow. There’s nothing quite like claiming something by virtue of stringing one’s underwear about it. The Father said it was the ultimate snub. The Mother said the Grandmother had no shame.

bkwalker · Post by **bkwalker** » 07 Apr 2012, 15:18

I'm liking this game and love the virtue by stringing someone's underwear! Awesome!

Carla Hurst-Chandler · Post by **Carla Hurst-Chandler** » 07 Apr 2012, 20:04

From a ficton piece in the works (The Betterthans)

How do you prepare for this moment? Besides the black turtleneck? Besides the throwaway piece, bought from a local kid who will probably spend the next month strung out on Meth from his recent windfall? Besides the oilmetal taste of the steel between your lips? Practice. Two bullets. One for now and one for later. No time for grandstanding or monologues. Besides, monologues are for people who have something left to say. We passed that point a long while back. Just one less betterthan in the world...and who will mourn that?