Please help!
Posted: 17 Dec 2014, 09:52
Hello fellow writers,
I was wondering if you could edit or do a review for what I think is my amazing short fantasy story!Thanks!
Puff! The cloud shut it's lips on Celina. She was trapped and felt that to her very bone and she's couldn't shake off the sensation that she was nowhere. Knowing this,she decided to make the best of her situation right then and right there. Bravery was needed for her to survive. She slowly and cautiously opened her eyelids and took a mental picture of the surroundings. She stumbled upon something that looked like a slide; when she squinted to take a closer look, she saw it.This "slide"was a vibrant,bright rainbow with the colors red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo, and violet wrapped up like in a perfect ribbon. Her eyeballs were bulging out of her sockets as the childhood enticement returned.She was going to try that slide if was the last thing she would do. While she was analyzing the best way to climb it, a sweet and honey voice beside her startled her by whispering, "I can help you." Celina whirled around,her ponytail hitting her neck. Who was talking to her?Why couldn't she see anything. She peered intently and then seeing nothing normal gave up trying. She suddenly felt pulled by some other force from her backside and pulled up into the summit of the rainbow slide. Shouting with glee, Celina put her legs up and slid down!The experience was so lovely that this fun-loving person had to try it again. So for the next full hour Celina slid on the rainbow, heightening her happiness, and the slide never lost it's glory.
When she sat again for the last time on the top of the slide and was about to slide down, when the mysterious outer force grabbed her from behind again, bringing her to an even more glorious sight. It was a forest of the most green and strong peach trees Celina had ever seen. And the fruit, oh the fruit had a heavenly taste and addition to it. Celina's taste buds awakened like never before and she just couldn't stop sucking this fruit. The wind was swaying in a gentle melody, soothing her like nothing before in her life. She wished she could capture that music and listen to it all the time,forever.
Without warning the mysterious outer force came and transported her to the wonderland of this magical world.This wonderland had a lot of colored cubes and so when Celina started skipping down the lane she suddenly, without warning got sucked into one of them. There was the most gigantic library or bookstore she had ever seen in her life. There were books everywhere, and of every kind,color,shape, and size. She pulled out a random book and got so much inside the story that she was very disappointing when the outer force pulled her out and then into another cube.In this cube there were rooms and rooms or computers,notebooks,pencils and pens. All she had to do is sit down and start typing her story.This was the story she typed.

I was wondering if you could edit or do a review for what I think is my amazing short fantasy story!Thanks!
Puff! The cloud shut it's lips on Celina. She was trapped and felt that to her very bone and she's couldn't shake off the sensation that she was nowhere. Knowing this,she decided to make the best of her situation right then and right there. Bravery was needed for her to survive. She slowly and cautiously opened her eyelids and took a mental picture of the surroundings. She stumbled upon something that looked like a slide; when she squinted to take a closer look, she saw it.This "slide"was a vibrant,bright rainbow with the colors red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo, and violet wrapped up like in a perfect ribbon. Her eyeballs were bulging out of her sockets as the childhood enticement returned.She was going to try that slide if was the last thing she would do. While she was analyzing the best way to climb it, a sweet and honey voice beside her startled her by whispering, "I can help you." Celina whirled around,her ponytail hitting her neck. Who was talking to her?Why couldn't she see anything. She peered intently and then seeing nothing normal gave up trying. She suddenly felt pulled by some other force from her backside and pulled up into the summit of the rainbow slide. Shouting with glee, Celina put her legs up and slid down!The experience was so lovely that this fun-loving person had to try it again. So for the next full hour Celina slid on the rainbow, heightening her happiness, and the slide never lost it's glory.
When she sat again for the last time on the top of the slide and was about to slide down, when the mysterious outer force grabbed her from behind again, bringing her to an even more glorious sight. It was a forest of the most green and strong peach trees Celina had ever seen. And the fruit, oh the fruit had a heavenly taste and addition to it. Celina's taste buds awakened like never before and she just couldn't stop sucking this fruit. The wind was swaying in a gentle melody, soothing her like nothing before in her life. She wished she could capture that music and listen to it all the time,forever.
Without warning the mysterious outer force came and transported her to the wonderland of this magical world.This wonderland had a lot of colored cubes and so when Celina started skipping down the lane she suddenly, without warning got sucked into one of them. There was the most gigantic library or bookstore she had ever seen in her life. There were books everywhere, and of every kind,color,shape, and size. She pulled out a random book and got so much inside the story that she was very disappointing when the outer force pulled her out and then into another cube.In this cube there were rooms and rooms or computers,notebooks,pencils and pens. All she had to do is sit down and start typing her story.This was the story she typed.