Showing versus telling

[Chris Dutton]

I've been reading some of the more damning book reviews, as I'm a firm believer in not making other peoples mistakes. (I've also read the positive reviews...lets also see what comes out as successful and use that!)

One of the comments (noted a few times) was the concept of showing versus telling.

I get the concept, but it seems like it can be a fine line between describing (for example) a thought process prior to an action, to leaving the reader in a situation of "why the hell...."

Can anyone expand on the showing versus telling thing in order to, well, help me? Diagrams and examples, and words of very few syllables...

Thank you!

[TLGabelman]

Ditto, Im interested in thoughts on this as well. So im following. Maybe this is what frustrates me about books but I just dont understand what to call it.

[EditaPetrick]

Let’s start with pov(s)
In 1st person past tense-pov, it’s easier to “show” and not fall into the ‘tell-pit’ too often because it’s not natural for “I” narrator to do big chunks of narrative prose. I mean if you are inclined to do such monologue, then you’re not telling a story, you’re preaching from a pulpit.
Tell in 1st person pov: I didn’t like the headlines.
Show in 1st person pov: I read the headlines, then shook my head and sighed.

In the “tell” mode “I” flatly states the issue.
In the “show” mode, the “I” lets the reading audience draw their own conclusion. Some will “see” the show as the protag being disgusted with the headlines, others will take it as not believing, and still others will take it as not liking – but the point is this, ‘show’ lets the reader interpret from what is written, rather than flatly inform him.

3rd person, limited pov past tense (most common and most forgiving pov)

Tell: He hurt his ankle when he jumped over the puddle.

Show: He jumped over the puddle and cried out, doubling over.

In “tell” 3rd person pov, the omni is delivering the information (flatly) to the reader.
In “show” 3rd person pov, the in-pov character is showing the reader what happened and letting the reader draw his/her own conclusions. This is also an example of “staying in pov.” You, the writer, are inside the pov-character’s head and you are ‘feeling’ with him for the reader – you are “showing” the pain, instead of flatly telling about it.

The issue is to choose the right “visual” aspect of the action that conveys to the reader fairly accurately what the writer wants the reader to conclude.

2nd person pov-present or past, and the one I dislike the most because it’s really “talking at the reader’” – think here stage actor talking to his audience from the stage. That’s why this pov is often called ‘stage whisper/direction’ or instructional pov.

2nd present tense – same principle as above

Tell: You don’t want to give him the book; you just want to tease him.

Show: You offer the book to him and when he’s reaching for it, you snatch it back.

Present tense – this tense should be used only for urgent ‘immediacy’ – and yet so many newly minted writers adopt it and go on to write an entire YA romance novel in it. It’s exhausting to read present tense and since it is most effectively used to convey urgency, it’s often not done well because, let’s face it, how much ‘urgency’ can you cram into a page…

Tell: He sees the truck and can’t read the license plate.
Show: He raises his binoculars the moment the truck passes and groans just as the truck disappears around the corner.

The ‘show’ lets the reader interpret any way he/she likes and that’s the beauty of “show” because it engages the reader, makes him/her involved in the story – invested. But like everything else, a good balance between show and tell makes for strong writing craft. Hope this helps. Edita

[Chris Dutton]

That makes an awful lot of sense. Thank you for taking the time to write your mini-missive!

Chris

[TLGabelman]

Agreed, thank you for explaining. I dont have a preference. I suppose I dislike paragraphs of detailed descriptions rather than something connected to the story line.

[Avid SciFi Fan]

Those are great examples.

I suspect it take several years of experience and a lot of writing to master which POV to use and when in order to best present each scene and draw the reader in.

[FNAWrite]

I'm not so sure I see the "show" "tell" difference in the above examples. A simple sentence that doesn't say much is compared to a more complicated sentence that explicates further on the subject'

Are you just saying that "tell" sentences are just simple and flat, not good examples of creative writing?

Any one of the "tell" sentences could be made to "tell" more, i.e. "I didn't like the response >>> I didn't like the response so I responded to that writer by posting my own message in my own erudite yet still pedantic manner."

[Chris Dutton]

But balance... How does that work itself? I was listening to a fave steam punk book, and listening out for it on purpose, I picked up an awful lot of both. I guess it depends on the scene. I re-wrote some stuff in the light of this subject, and it gets that part of the story over in far less time as 'show' and I think is probably better for it... But this was also because I didn't want the protagonist being a narrative character.... Another thread in here that got me thinking. Layers on layers...!!!

[EditaPetrick]

I'm not so sure I see the "show" "tell" difference in the above examples. A simple sentence that doesn't say much is compared to a more complicated sentence that explicates further on the subject'

Are you just saying that "tell" sentences are just simple and flat, not good examples of creative writing?

Any one of the "tell" sentences could be made to "tell" more, i.e. "I didn't like the response >>> I didn't like the response so I responded to that writer by posting my own message in my own erudite yet still pedantic manner."

It's a lot more complicated than that. "Complicated" sentence doesn't mean it's good writing. And let's not bring in 'creative' writing into this. Actually "creative" does not mean style. Creative just means you can come up with a good, gripping and coherent story, regardless in what genre. Good writing does mean good style. It's something you develop.

You don't fix telling by making the sentence long and convoluted. Editors like styles where sentence length varies. It gives your "style" its unique characteristic rhythm. Yes, good writing/style is that mechanical, especially to an editor. And by the way, your example is all telling. "I didn't like the response so I responded to that writer by posting my own message in my own erudite yet still pedantic manner." - all tell. The reader has the right to ask: "Show me what's erudite to you (in your opinion and therefore in your writing). Where exactly did you post (your message)? Show me what is pedantic to you.

In summary, any time the reader can ask "show me what that means to you" your writing craft suffers from too much telling. Telling, also is not narrative and neither is it exposition. Telling is style that makes an editor stop reading your sample material and often not even bother replying to your query.

Show, on the other hand, is dynamic and keeps the reader invested in the story.

eg I read the first paragraph of his response and deleted it because the writer had a long way to go before he was capable of writing dynamic prose. Five seconds later, I restored the author's email and replied: "Not for us, thank you," and immediately felt better. My old mentor's voice came from a distance, "Be neutral, not mean."

The above is a simple example of show that keeps the reader invested and interested in the story.
My second harsh lesson in writing came when an editor replied, "You can re-submit when you learn not to use ten-dollar words where a ten-cent word will do. I know you have a Dictionary and guess what, so do I." I found it to be an excellent advice.

[Chris Dutton]

FNA/Edita:

Surely, there needs to be both in a good story? Sometimes flat statements: "He's dead", sometimes "He died from horrific injuries to his hymen" sometimes "he ran and ran and ran, but thing green tentacles slid faster, and then he died. Horribly. Horribly, horribly, horribly, as his brains were sucked out. Of his hymen."

A good story has to have all three (and a combination) of the flat, flat +details, and then the 3D. It depends on the character, their relevance, and the relevance to the story?

[eggiekyu15]

I do agree that showing and telling is a difficult thing to do. Hopefully this example is relevant, but here goes:
Telling: Telling them "I love you."
Showing: Performing multiple different actions to show you care and support them.
In books, I find the "showing" a better way to express love, and it allows the reader to understand how truly the character loves the other. The general idea of showing and not telling is for the author to discretely convey a message to the reader.

[kaylafurnia]

I definitely prefer showing to telling. An author could tell you the exact height, weight, hair and eye color of a character upon introduction, or throughout the next few chapters they could describe things like "she was slightly taller than he was" "his eyes were the same emerald color of the statue" or "her long blonde hair was now tied back with a ribbon." As opposed to the author just writing "He was 5'7 and his eyes were green. She had long blonde hair."

[Chris Dutton]

I suppose that there's also the imperative. When do we need to know the details. My leading lady is getting more beautiful by description but the story is getting on. Part of its the love story that grows between the lead man and lead lady. Is there an imperative? We get so far through a story and then do find out she's beautiful, or the gradual build up, or a bit of all.

Is there an absolute NO?

[zeldas_lullaby]

I do agree that showing and telling is a difficult thing to do. Hopefully this example is relevant, but here goes:
Telling: Telling them "I love you."
Showing: Performing multiple different actions to show you care and support them.
In books, I find the "showing" a better way to express love, and it allows the reader to understand how truly the character loves the other. The general idea of showing and not telling is for the author to discretely convey a message to the reader.

That's brilliant. Likewise, someone who's all talk, whispering sweet nothings, etc., but with no actions, might discreetly tell the reader that he's a fake, a player, ulterior motives, etc.
If that didn't make sense, it's my bedtime and I'm almost there.

[moderntimes]

Some of the "show not tell" can involve dialogue vs narrative. For example (a brief takeoff from my in-progress novel):

Telling:

I sat across from Cathy and asked her if George had ever struck her. She was reticent but eventually told me that yes, he had once, during an argument. He'd slapped her.

Showing:

"Did George ever hit you? Put his hands on you?"
Cathy looked across the room, not making eye contact. "I guess so. Doesn't everyone do this sometime?"
"No, they don't, Cathy. But you're among friends here. What happened?"
"He... he slapped me once. We were arguing, yelling, and he just... well... he hit me."

-- 17 Jan 2015, 21:09 --

That's brilliant. Likewise, someone who's all talk, whispering sweet nothings, etc., but with no actions, might discreetly tell the reader that he's a fake, a player, ulterior motives, etc.
If that didn't make sense, it's my bedtime and I'm almost there.

Makes perfect sense. Think back to things you've done for those whom you love, and recreate this in the story. For example, if it's a couple who are maybe both professional and work long hours...

Karen got home about seven. "Damn traffic!" she said, dumping her briefcase on the hallway floor. She strode past me in a soggy and exhausted stagger, not really saying hello, just waving as she went by. Straight to the fridge, grabbed a Coke. She held the frosty can to her forehead, leaned against the kitchen counter. "Damn traffic!" she repeated.

I knew better than to engage her in conversation about the day's courtroom proceedings. She was the type who'd talk freely if she was energized, but when her homecoming was mostly silent, asking "How was your day?" didn't cut the muster. Instead I just waited until she plunked herself in her lounger and kicked off her shoes. Then I came around behind her, stroked her hair, ran my hands down her neck and shoulders, beginning a gentle massage.

"Oh, wow," she sighed, reaching to caress my hands. "That feels great! You know how to push the buttons, m'love."

This is the sort of example of showing love or affection as it really is, two people who trust each other, know one another, and care for each other.

--- I just tossed this little scene off the top of my head, but it illustrates the "show not tell" concept, I think.