Tell me what you think of the Preface please. =]
Posted: 29 Jul 2009, 22:13
Hey guys. I'm writing my first story, so I need some tips and advice. What do you think of this so far?
Preface:
It took sheer will, something she knew all too well, to crawl her frail body over to the scale, just three feet away. All that Liz wanted was to see the printout read 69 pounds. It was the only solution to her problems, the only exit to her emotional struggles, and her only entrance to pure bliss and contentment.
She pushed herself over the edge, and flexed every weak muscle in her body in order to stay upright. She felt the ice cold of the smooth metal on the soles of her feet. It sent a chill down her spine. She hesitantly glanced over the digital read, half expecting it to erupt in her face. Punishment.
This was a matter of life or death. Two digits that would push her over the edge; the edge that led to a long and painful drop into a black hole. The magnetic poles were pulling her in, grasping the last sense of control she had left, and trying to pull it overboard – like everything else in her life. Everything that had fallen into the black hole. Liz wasn’t ready to feed her soul and body into something so pure and evil, something so heart wrenching. The wrath of death.
A permanent solution. Forever stays, never smudges, like a jet black Sharpie.
Liz never thought she was fat. Not then, and not now.
All she ever wanted was to be in control.
One year earlier...
Chapter 1:
Liz beamed at the reflecting image of herself in the mirror. It was the first day of freshman year, and she wanted to look perfect. She woke up at the crack of dawn to straighten her hair, and she had finally decided to wear her super dark wash skinny jeans, a slouchy charcoal grey cardigan, and a black sequin tank underneath. Liz made it her personal mission to express herself through clothing, as fashion had always been her prime interest. Today she felt on top of the world, and she was amplifying that through her clothing.
Liz ran over to the mirror and slicked on a coat of peachy lipgloss, and checked her appearance one last time before she would be implicating first impressions on everyone.
Perfect.
Preface:
It took sheer will, something she knew all too well, to crawl her frail body over to the scale, just three feet away. All that Liz wanted was to see the printout read 69 pounds. It was the only solution to her problems, the only exit to her emotional struggles, and her only entrance to pure bliss and contentment.
She pushed herself over the edge, and flexed every weak muscle in her body in order to stay upright. She felt the ice cold of the smooth metal on the soles of her feet. It sent a chill down her spine. She hesitantly glanced over the digital read, half expecting it to erupt in her face. Punishment.
This was a matter of life or death. Two digits that would push her over the edge; the edge that led to a long and painful drop into a black hole. The magnetic poles were pulling her in, grasping the last sense of control she had left, and trying to pull it overboard – like everything else in her life. Everything that had fallen into the black hole. Liz wasn’t ready to feed her soul and body into something so pure and evil, something so heart wrenching. The wrath of death.
A permanent solution. Forever stays, never smudges, like a jet black Sharpie.
Liz never thought she was fat. Not then, and not now.
All she ever wanted was to be in control.
One year earlier...
Chapter 1:
Liz beamed at the reflecting image of herself in the mirror. It was the first day of freshman year, and she wanted to look perfect. She woke up at the crack of dawn to straighten her hair, and she had finally decided to wear her super dark wash skinny jeans, a slouchy charcoal grey cardigan, and a black sequin tank underneath. Liz made it her personal mission to express herself through clothing, as fashion had always been her prime interest. Today she felt on top of the world, and she was amplifying that through her clothing.
Liz ran over to the mirror and slicked on a coat of peachy lipgloss, and checked her appearance one last time before she would be implicating first impressions on everyone.
Perfect.
